i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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