it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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