my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
love makes seman taste better
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
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