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he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he was CRYING into my vagina
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
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