I bet he comes in French.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
