Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
