So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Send us your Text From Last Night!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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