Texts From Last Night

kiwi817's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that http://tfl.nu/i7hu
  Replies (10) Good night (720) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco http://tfl.nu/bj4m
  Replies (61) Good night (2978) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos. http://tfl.nu/15bf
  Replies (74) Good night (16843) Bad night (1113)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.

  (1-619): View more from California

  You literally just made my flesh crawl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter. (1-619): You literally just made my flesh crawl. http://tfl.nu/h7tg
  Replies (32) Good night (1793) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together. http://tfl.nu/0wgb
  Replies (12) Good night (610) Bad night (2775)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed. http://tfl.nu/ajvn
  Replies (4) Good night (1848) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Lube is flammable

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who is this??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Lube is flammable (404): Who is this?? http://tfl.nu/y4u7
  Replies (17) Good night (3200) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Elaborate

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Strip Mario-Kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream. (312): Elaborate (224): Strip Mario-Kart http://tfl.nu/xw36
  Replies (11) Good night (2135) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I stand by my new policy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots. (334): I stand by my new policy. http://tfl.nu/bu7l
  Replies (4) Good night (1013) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :( http://tfl.nu/ztju
  Replies (24) Good night (2979) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything. http://tfl.nu/up9n
  Replies (54) Good night (579) Bad night (4760)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think. http://tfl.nu/5pb2
  Replies (9) Good night (1299) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards http://tfl.nu/20k7
  Replies (11) Good night (1851) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay. http://tfl.nu/vqqs
  Replies (8) Good night (1468) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on. http://tfl.nu/q17g
  Replies (13) Good night (2954) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes." http://tfl.nu/5alc
  Replies (31) Good night (2971) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.

  (315): View more from New York

  They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers. (315): They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair. http://tfl.nu/om27
  Replies (9) Good night (1279) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support. http://tfl.nu/kxfx
  Replies (13) Good night (379) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED! http://tfl.nu/seat
  Replies (12) Good night (1887) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him. http://tfl.nu/gfad
  Replies (7) Good night (1268) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face http://tfl.nu/yj9t
  Replies (7) Good night (2324) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick. http://tfl.nu/yu0a
  Replies (9) Good night (1358) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am. http://tfl.nu/o50r
  Replies (25) Good night (3130) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  That literally makes no sense

  (406): View more from Montana

  Exactly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt (1-406): That literally makes no sense (406): Exactly http://tfl.nu/db6l
  Replies (7) Good night (1801) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.

  (801): View more from Utah

  Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down. (801): Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/w6b2
  Replies (5) Good night (1750) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed" (414): I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea http://tfl.nu/3884
  Replies (19) Good night (815) Bad night (1917)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes. http://tfl.nu/rji6
  Replies (9) Good night (1169) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder.. http://tfl.nu/5whr
  Replies (22) Good night (796) Bad night (1807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango (1-717): IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN. http://tfl.nu/b5hl
  Replies (44) Good night (1246) Bad night (4781)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business. http://tfl.nu/gu5e
  Replies (10) Good night (489) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+27): Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!" http://tfl.nu/eeqt
  Replies (15) Good night (3524) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises. http://tfl.nu/ig53
  Replies (17) Good night (477) Bad night (2651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex. http://tfl.nu/ooyw
  Replies (5) Good night (589) Bad night (4243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies. http://tfl.nu/fldh
  Replies (50) Good night (2637) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now. http://tfl.nu/ln6x
  Replies (8) Good night (1978) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face http://tfl.nu/5tso
  Replies (4) Good night (427) Bad night (1362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down? http://tfl.nu/j8kx
  Replies (5) Good night (1806) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain. http://tfl.nu/iymf
  Replies (16) Good night (2664) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this. http://tfl.nu/9qd9
  Replies (5) Good night (612) Bad night (1493)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend. http://tfl.nu/pm1j
  Replies (13) Good night (2793) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation? http://tfl.nu/0s1x
  Replies (1) Good night (884) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future" http://tfl.nu/uwag
  Replies (17) Good night (3669) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much

  (352): View more from Florida

  Like they're going to fly away?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much (352): Like they're going to fly away? http://tfl.nu/z6w4
  Replies (10) Good night (4297) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth. http://tfl.nu/rtd2
  Replies (11) Good night (877) Bad night (1933)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema. http://tfl.nu/a51s
  Replies (8) Good night (387) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing? http://tfl.nu/q7mi
  Replies (6) Good night (1671) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize. http://tfl.nu/ao6w
  Replies (5) Good night (1716) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.

  (518): View more from New York

  So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi. (518): So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits? http://tfl.nu/jsif
  Replies (36) Good night (4500) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys. http://tfl.nu/p4yk
  Replies (20) Good night (5515) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career. http://tfl.nu/jur5
  Replies (17) Good night (459) Bad night (2201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me. http://tfl.nu/euwh
  Replies (30) Good night (4309) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/mhcf
  Replies (23) Good night (3820) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either. http://tfl.nu/yx3m
  Replies (12) Good night (2101) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (1954): View more from

  You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (1954): You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday http://tfl.nu/byqw
  Replies (9) Good night (1675) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us. http://tfl.nu/chty
  Replies (10) Good night (5366) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks?? http://tfl.nu/ct6g
  Replies (15) Good night (2487) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot. http://tfl.nu/tunm
  Replies (45) Good night (1162) Bad night (4735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10393) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki http://tfl.nu/rhok
  Replies (12) Good night (2567) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers. http://tfl.nu/28i2
  Replies (22) Good night (917) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work. http://tfl.nu/fnwr
  Replies (4) Good night (1364) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good" http://tfl.nu/hwu1
  Replies (32) Good night (6114) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop http://tfl.nu/g9k9
  Replies (6) Good night (1640) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie. http://tfl.nu/haj1
  Replies (23) Good night (6217) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (98) Good night (32299) Bad night (3092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it. http://tfl.nu/q4is
  Replies (32) Good night (9057) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic http://tfl.nu/3cem
  Replies (94) Good night (8361) Bad night (1806)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil http://tfl.nu/oyvg
  Replies (19) Good night (8261) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive. http://tfl.nu/qvhh
  Replies (92) Good night (7615) Bad night (1381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think you have the wrong number

  (813): View more from Florida

  so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter. (407): i think you have the wrong number (813): so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool. http://tfl.nu/uuec
  Replies (70) Good night (6631) Bad night (324)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex http://tfl.nu/na8l
  Replies (58) Good night (5856) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.

  (561): View more from Florida

  He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class. (561): He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it. http://tfl.nu/mjkl
  Replies (18) Good night (5872) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn. http://tfl.nu/mlpv
  Replies (124) Good night (5601) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW" http://tfl.nu/b6ij
  Replies (17) Good night (5589) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/4ovg
  Replies (34) Good night (5381) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  aren't you going with children?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long (1-414): aren't you going with children? http://tfl.nu/9f28
  Replies (34) Good night (4064) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter http://tfl.nu/ntue
  Replies (7) Good night (2304) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry. http://tfl.nu/7pno
  Replies (4) Good night (2280) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor. http://tfl.nu/i20y
  Replies (26) Good night (2189) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good. http://tfl.nu/ra59
  Replies (91) Good night (5775) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete. http://tfl.nu/0fk8
  Replies (4) Good night (2512) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly. http://tfl.nu/0f1o
  Replies (5) Good night (643) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio. http://tfl.nu/95rn
  Replies (30) Good night (6566) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher http://tfl.nu/nr2j
  Replies (22) Good night (350) Bad night (2563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying. http://tfl.nu/h4eg
  Replies (7) Good night (5356) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me. http://tfl.nu/qov1
  Replies (6) Good night (840) Bad night (2183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic. http://tfl.nu/gchg
  Replies (5) Good night (3956) Bad night (1253)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again http://tfl.nu/1mb1
  Replies (13) Good night (5701) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me. http://tfl.nu/9uhs
  Replies (33) Good night (5643) Bad night (1369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom http://tfl.nu/23l0
  Replies (10) Good night (4744) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  he quoted the bible to break up with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): he quoted the bible to break up with me http://tfl.nu/7gni
  Replies (21) Good night (1052) Bad night (4858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you http://tfl.nu/hg35
  Replies (9) Good night (4808) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style. http://tfl.nu/uhtz
  Replies (10) Good night (4742) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming.. http://tfl.nu/kfd5
  Replies (47) Good night (2477) Bad night (4656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop. (1-503): My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins. http://tfl.nu/dck1
  Replies (11) Good night (4503) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv' http://tfl.nu/bicf
  Replies (49) Good night (10587) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent http://tfl.nu/hnio
  Replies (39) Good night (3056) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool. http://tfl.nu/9aum
  Replies (11) Good night (2843) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking http://tfl.nu/y7bb
  Replies (4) Good night (2919) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this. http://tfl.nu/9z6q
  Replies (17) Good night (3893) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later? http://tfl.nu/fnnu
  Replies (13) Good night (1623) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....? http://tfl.nu/b2i2
  Replies (22) Good night (790) Bad night (10319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes. http://tfl.nu/3kln
  Replies (8) Good night (958) Bad night (2509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I swear to god he's a one man village people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I swear to god he's a one man village people. http://tfl.nu/tro1
  Replies (13) Good night (2757) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (25107) Bad night (1926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Your an asshole

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Actually, it's "you're an asshole"

  (954): View more from Florida

  My point exactly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Your an asshole (1-954): Actually, it's "you're an asshole" (954): My point exactly http://tfl.nu/txzi
  Replies (47) Good night (3158) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no. http://tfl.nu/bnsc
  Replies (85) Good night (4108) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay. http://tfl.nu/xs17
  Replies (16) Good night (1245) Bad night (2591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with http://tfl.nu/n2jg
  Replies (11) Good night (1781) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with. http://tfl.nu/qhgi
  Replies (11) Good night (2496) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): That's the secret to virgins: blizzards. http://tfl.nu/jgfw
  Replies (10) Good night (1762) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive http://tfl.nu/jlaw
  Replies (13) Good night (1693) Bad night (3528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background? http://tfl.nu/ypnh
  Replies (76) Good night (4430) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background? http://tfl.nu/ijcb
  Replies (63) Good night (2401) Bad night (3169)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels http://tfl.nu/5vyu
  Replies (10) Good night (1102) Bad night (3484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song. http://tfl.nu/sv6u
  Replies (28) Good night (933) Bad night (5445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing. http://tfl.nu/en2f
  Replies (26) Good night (981) Bad night (6411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber http://tfl.nu/w4rq
  Replies (20) Good night (1420) Bad night (4648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I? http://tfl.nu/r6dy
  Replies (19) Good night (1687) Bad night (3248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed http://tfl.nu/bbsg
  Replies (18) Good night (1522) Bad night (3705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song. (1-706): I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina. http://tfl.nu/b2qf
  Replies (81) Good night (2407) Bad night (5769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come... http://tfl.nu/n638
  Replies (55) Good night (3848) Bad night (2012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times. http://tfl.nu/ao6t
  Replies (30) Good night (8921) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men http://tfl.nu/yhmj
  Replies (13) Good night (1874) Bad night (2863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win. http://tfl.nu/f8rt
  Replies (40) Good night (5621) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang". http://tfl.nu/9dw0
  Replies (66) Good night (24558) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48989) Bad night (1510)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out. http://tfl.nu/rr3m
  Replies (91) Good night (3809) Bad night (15857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  My Higher Power is John Stamos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): My Higher Power is John Stamos http://tfl.nu/1c78
  Replies (11) Good night (1922) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/e2rh
  Replies (29) Good night (5476) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex. http://tfl.nu/kgv4
  Replies (5) Good night (2667) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE http://tfl.nu/d6tf
  Replies (48) Good night (8000) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened. http://tfl.nu/qapw
  Replies (20) Good night (8956) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson http://tfl.nu/43b3
  Replies (24) Good night (586) Bad night (2719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3
  Replies (21) Good night (5885) Bad night (516)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb. http://tfl.nu/h3os
  Replies (4) Good night (3706) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): The world would be so much better with thought bubbles. http://tfl.nu/emrq
  Replies (9) Good night (4908) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (16714) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew. http://tfl.nu/1b9c
  Replies (28) Good night (7644) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39425) Bad night (2263)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to? http://tfl.nu/2zz0
  Replies (32) Good night (1028) Bad night (2933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted. http://tfl.nu/laiq
  Replies (34) Good night (6292) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  He wasn't the only one with a full load.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket... (1-508): He wasn't the only one with a full load. http://tfl.nu/y8kb
  Replies (24) Good night (5977) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler. http://tfl.nu/ufcl
  Replies (63) Good night (4982) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers http://tfl.nu/79gv
  Replies (9) Good night (2558) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process. http://tfl.nu/s5xk
  Replies (78) Good night (1223) Bad night (5015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12113) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want http://tfl.nu/m1hp
  Replies (39) Good night (6691) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro http://tfl.nu/bhdm
  Replies (19) Good night (13937) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop

  (213): View more from California

  so that means christmas in space?

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop (213): so that means christmas in space? (781): imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi http://tfl.nu/5ssx
  Replies (14) Good night (6574) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (11869) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time.. http://tfl.nu/irbs
  Replies (6) Good night (1156) Bad night (4029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband

  (404): View more from Georgia

  did it work?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  nope

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband (404): did it work? (678): nope http://tfl.nu/53k6
  Replies (44) Good night (384) Bad night (1764)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like. http://tfl.nu/sasf
  Replies (25) Good night (8848) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner? (402): 4. http://tfl.nu/fuje
  Replies (15) Good night (2948) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things. http://tfl.nu/s0f9
  Replies (23) Good night (3760) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out. http://tfl.nu/s7ox
  Replies (6) Good night (963) Bad night (2481)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this. http://tfl.nu/msry
  Replies (35) Good night (1005) Bad night (3309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again. http://tfl.nu/4ycr
  Replies (10) Good night (2683) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I have demons in me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I have demons in me. http://tfl.nu/h6bj
  Replies (12) Good night (708) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV" http://tfl.nu/slsr
  Replies (12) Good night (490) Bad night (2480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician.... http://tfl.nu/qln8
  Replies (14) Good night (730) Bad night (3276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay. http://tfl.nu/xg35
  Replies (14) Good night (2860) Bad night (1362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend... http://tfl.nu/gkjq
  Replies (60) Good night (2344) Bad night (6043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now. http://tfl.nu/y18v
  Replies (160) Good night (12664) Bad night (1443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  how does Santa get into Hogwarts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): how does Santa get into Hogwarts? http://tfl.nu/z515
  Replies (47) Good night (5689) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (199) Good night (82964) Bad night (6404)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i really wish james franco would like my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i really wish james franco would like my vagina http://tfl.nu/g4mj
  Replies (25) Good night (5499) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious http://tfl.nu/z2uj
  Replies (7) Good night (809) Bad night (2138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts. http://tfl.nu/90f4
  Replies (11) Good night (3079) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  well, dont

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face. (970): well, dont (720): I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it. http://tfl.nu/lbqb
  Replies (32) Good night (5786) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK. http://tfl.nu/7sxv
  Replies (9) Good night (6312) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits" http://tfl.nu/yc53
  Replies (9) Good night (2573) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  and then ....

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas. (1-215): and then .... (215): he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut. http://tfl.nu/qu6h
  Replies (23) Good night (5625) Bad night (1218)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/81m1
  Replies (28) Good night (638) Bad night (7222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target. http://tfl.nu/eg9l
  Replies (5) Good night (3884) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door. http://tfl.nu/3iyk
  Replies (9) Good night (6206) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed. http://tfl.nu/rjig
  Replies (28) Good night (428) Bad night (4876)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife http://tfl.nu/ib00
  Replies (66) Good night (7592) Bad night (1962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone... http://tfl.nu/g061
  Replies (15) Good night (1198) Bad night (5651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point. http://tfl.nu/wyuo
  Replies (15) Good night (4259) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him? http://tfl.nu/7fnz
  Replies (17) Good night (1435) Bad night (4145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night? http://tfl.nu/x7lh
  Replies (7) Good night (4845) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying" http://tfl.nu/wtiy
  Replies (19) Good night (10139) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward http://tfl.nu/ic98
  Replies (6) Good night (2043) Bad night (1649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty. http://tfl.nu/tep7
  Replies (30) Good night (13834) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  What happened to chicks over dicks?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): What happened to chicks over dicks? (1-514): That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks.. http://tfl.nu/nat7
  Replies (49) Good night (7994) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  hey what are you doing

  (310): View more from California

  hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!

  (310): View more from California

  i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): hey what are you doing (310): hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous! (310): i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic http://tfl.nu/eapf
  Replies (58) Good night (361) Bad night (4522)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (30380) Bad night (2544)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated http://tfl.nu/hyb4
  Replies (17) Good night (5086) Bad night (1456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings. http://tfl.nu/sarg
  Replies (28) Good night (993) Bad night (6645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit http://tfl.nu/gr8g
  Replies (13) Good night (2694) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him. http://tfl.nu/xg0w
  Replies (23) Good night (10222) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like. http://tfl.nu/djvv
  Replies (21) Good night (996) Bad night (5282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I can't believe he cheated

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I can't believe he cheated (1-860): Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how http://tfl.nu/8j5c
  Replies (37) Good night (744) Bad night (2813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done. http://tfl.nu/o8ax
  Replies (22) Good night (6947) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy. http://tfl.nu/e6z7
  Replies (15) Good night (697) Bad night (2431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes" http://tfl.nu/jvdp
  Replies (13) Good night (4579) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them http://tfl.nu/hbhk
  Replies (8) Good night (3876) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box? http://tfl.nu/nvmk
  Replies (59) Good night (13908) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form. http://tfl.nu/7sev
  Replies (54) Good night (513) Bad night (5115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin

  (253): View more from Washington

  was*

  (509): View more from Washington

  True, R.I.P.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin (253): was* (509): True, R.I.P. http://tfl.nu/u2pm
  Replies (19) Good night (801) Bad night (2119)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have. http://tfl.nu/2nqb
  Replies (22) Good night (405) Bad night (4363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.

  (409): View more from Texas

  That was definitely the right answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her. (409): That was definitely the right answer. http://tfl.nu/zisl
  Replies (19) Good night (6345) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"

  (760): View more from California

  When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex" (760): When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely." http://tfl.nu/jlap
  Replies (19) Good night (6496) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume http://tfl.nu/37b5
  Replies (16) Good night (4414) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them. http://tfl.nu/uohp
  Replies (20) Good night (902) Bad night (8230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"

  (1-864): View more from South Carolina

  as in "white"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry" (1-864): as in "white"? http://tfl.nu/140y
  Replies (24) Good night (4957) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop. http://tfl.nu/w9jv
  Replies (3) Good night (1142) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps. http://tfl.nu/jawa
  Replies (51) Good night (16892) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?

  (1-607): View more from New York

  King Triton

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to? (1-607) King Triton http://tfl.nu/vy7a
  Replies (77) Good night (1038) Bad night (2624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/8lay
  Replies (13) Good night (855) Bad night (5516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian. http://tfl.nu/kify
  Replies (58) Good night (8373) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator

  (954): View more from Florida

  you didnt stop her?

  (305): View more from Florida

  too entertaining

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator (954): you didnt stop her? (305): too entertaining http://tfl.nu/7hz6
  Replies (49) Good night (4436) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight. http://tfl.nu/0aby
  Replies (18) Good night (3479) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/md62
  Replies (16) Good night (4288) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache. http://tfl.nu/t0k5
  Replies (13) Good night (5404) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9058) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup. http://tfl.nu/xbnm
  Replies (156) Good night (1141) Bad night (2467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...

  (775): View more from Nevada

  yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me... (775): yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift. http://tfl.nu/mwdt
  Replies (25) Good night (5212) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day. http://tfl.nu/5atz
  Replies (29) Good night (4979) Bad night (1702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass. http://tfl.nu/vn76
  Replies (25) Good night (4579) Bad night (1562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there. http://tfl.nu/pbyg
  Replies (14) Good night (5854) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie. http://tfl.nu/3rqj
  Replies (5) Good night (3574) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike... http://tfl.nu/h9ar
  Replies (10) Good night (989) Bad night (3627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
  Replies (25) Good night (10696) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life http://tfl.nu/phhm
  Replies (7) Good night (3674) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer. http://tfl.nu/0a2y
  Replies (10) Good night (4200) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has. http://tfl.nu/36lp
  Replies (11) Good night (6452) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day. http://tfl.nu/gtxx
  Replies (13) Good night (4896) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday http://tfl.nu/9dt4
  Replies (13) Good night (4015) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee. http://tfl.nu/z4i3
  Replies (7) Good night (2163) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit. http://tfl.nu/6hvl
  Replies (30) Good night (791) Bad night (8239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document http://tfl.nu/k2y9
  Replies (49) Good night (979) Bad night (5791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan" http://tfl.nu/9he5
  Replies (14) Good night (874) Bad night (4132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard http://tfl.nu/45qa
  Replies (10) Good night (2771) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss

  (757): View more from Virginia

  So when are we having a sleepover?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss (757): So when are we having a sleepover? http://tfl.nu/90ed
  Replies (24) Good night (6010) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41852) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62
  Replies (8) Good night (335) Bad night (1295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat http://tfl.nu/j8dy
  Replies (20) Good night (5003) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  It was kind of weird

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  What did your mom walk in?

  (516): View more from New York

  She flung her tampon across the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): It was kind of weird (857): What did your mom walk in? (516): She flung her tampon across the room. http://tfl.nu/h6pq
  Replies (6) Good night (414) Bad night (4245)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?

  (760): View more from California

  I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool. (912): What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar? (760): I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out. http://tfl.nu/o1sk
  Replies (26) Good night (4310) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all. (1-512): Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply http://tfl.nu/mzzt
  Replies (7) Good night (432) Bad night (1113)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera http://tfl.nu/ouai
  Replies (10) Good night (2532) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics

  (1-607): View more from New York

  That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder

  (1-607): View more from New York

  Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics (1-607): That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder (1-607): Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in? http://tfl.nu/6ryu
  Replies (25) Good night (4897) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): All of my current injuries can be related back to sex. http://tfl.nu/ncc6
  Replies (14) Good night (5008) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/0m41
  Replies (44) Good night (810) Bad night (5410)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game http://tfl.nu/hrfj
  Replies (20) Good night (4240) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono (973): How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you? http://tfl.nu/fl5a
  Replies (41) Good night (1324) Bad night (4569)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing. http://tfl.nu/dymp
  Replies (56) Good night (7595) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number... http://tfl.nu/4ee1
  Replies (10) Good night (1824) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you

  (1-636): View more from Missouri

  when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you (1-636): when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced http://tfl.nu/5nrz
  Replies (5) Good night (1505) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Where are you?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Strip Club

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends. (617): Where are you? (508): Strip Club http://tfl.nu/9e3o
  Replies (15) Good night (2719) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately. http://tfl.nu/cwhn
  Replies (30) Good night (1802) Bad night (4749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night? http://tfl.nu/5syc
  Replies (4) Good night (2283) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy http://tfl.nu/o6xr
  Replies (14) Good night (1006) Bad night (2655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword. http://tfl.nu/gcmk
  Replies (21) Good night (8149) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money

  (813): View more from Florida

  sounds like you understand them just fine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money (813): sounds like you understand them just fine http://tfl.nu/0zfp
  Replies (10) Good night (1326) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets. http://tfl.nu/v2g2
  Replies (40) Good night (4625) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!' http://tfl.nu/7tsr
  Replies (24) Good night (10056) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God. http://tfl.nu/n9ll
  Replies (43) Good night (1046) Bad night (6676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics http://tfl.nu/t7mh
  Replies (7) Good night (2347) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift. http://tfl.nu/nll4
  Replies (8) Good night (3751) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment http://tfl.nu/1qk7
  Replies (6) Good night (2298) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day (1-402): If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it http://tfl.nu/wdhm
  Replies (12) Good night (4549) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth. http://tfl.nu/6j12
  Replies (19) Good night (4323) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/f26o
  Replies (42) Good night (11310) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark. http://tfl.nu/009s
  Replies (44) Good night (7206) Bad night (1729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard. http://tfl.nu/9kw6
  Replies (7) Good night (2190) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there.... http://tfl.nu/ypb5
  Replies (10) Good night (5448) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits. http://tfl.nu/2cej
  Replies (10) Good night (9184) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo" http://tfl.nu/rorc
  Replies (30) Good night (4456) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise. http://tfl.nu/ewvs
  Replies (40) Good night (1926) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I wish my penis had an off switch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I wish my penis had an off switch http://tfl.nu/bdrc
  Replies (5) Good night (427) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift http://tfl.nu/3fcv
  Replies (20) Good night (4634) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list. http://tfl.nu/o8v1
  Replies (13) Good night (3639) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date. http://tfl.nu/58hu
  Replies (19) Good night (1584) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS. http://tfl.nu/9dm1
  Replies (27) Good night (8284) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune

  (1-318): View more from Louisiana

  what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune (1-318): what drug did you take to come to that conclusion?? http://tfl.nu/bym5
  Replies (79) Good night (3947) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  didnt we say no more talking to eachother

  (906): View more from Michigan

  it will help you get over me i promise

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  im horny

  (906): View more from Michigan

  ok i will unlock the door

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): didnt we say no more talking to eachother (906): it will help you get over me i promise (414): im horny (906): ok i will unlock the door http://tfl.nu/m6ae
  Replies (16) Good night (2183) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener http://tfl.nu/2syz
  Replies (6) Good night (285) Bad night (1914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo. http://tfl.nu/6eag
  Replies (37) Good night (4279) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can. http://tfl.nu/zubg
  Replies (26) Good night (943) Bad night (3759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere (1-917): no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john http://tfl.nu/sfec
  Replies (24) Good night (5455) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie. http://tfl.nu/1hr1
  Replies (25) Good night (5511) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean? http://tfl.nu/84o9
  Replies (105) Good night (18159) Bad night (1388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it. http://tfl.nu/hjdx
  Replies (79) Good night (8840) Bad night (2539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (627): View more from California

  his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (627): his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting. http://tfl.nu/tvd6
  Replies (46) Good night (867) Bad night (4078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate. http://tfl.nu/v1r2
  Replies (9) Good night (1354) Bad night (4060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk. http://tfl.nu/huyr
  Replies (9) Good night (5779) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (78) Good night (29280) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere http://tfl.nu/b03s
  Replies (10) Good night (3132) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin. http://tfl.nu/vso7
  Replies (13) Good night (3371) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right? http://tfl.nu/vsia
  Replies (5) Good night (1839) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm http://tfl.nu/qx0o
  Replies (8) Good night (2800) Bad night (1488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats? http://tfl.nu/kev5
  Replies (114) Good night (895) Bad night (3605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success. http://tfl.nu/jhei
  Replies (43) Good night (3960) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life http://tfl.nu/nn4z
  Replies (30) Good night (1698) Bad night (5660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin http://tfl.nu/1khj
  Replies (7) Good night (565) Bad night (1471)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him. http://tfl.nu/iy8v
  Replies (18) Good night (4728) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/cpmo
  Replies (37) Good night (6972) Bad night (1751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again. http://tfl.nu/v31h
  Replies (17) Good night (787) Bad night (4472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers. http://tfl.nu/22w1
  Replies (40) Good night (567) Bad night (2387)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart (508): These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work http://tfl.nu/sac2
  Replies (15) Good night (6980) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9197) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): we should become lesbians. not together. just in general. http://tfl.nu/a6ds
  Replies (15) Good night (6253) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner. http://tfl.nu/1bdt
  Replies (20) Good night (535) Bad night (6118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids. (1-916): Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions. http://tfl.nu/28ax
  Replies (27) Good night (3682) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady. http://tfl.nu/00hh
  Replies (14) Good night (3362) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (11793) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about. http://tfl.nu/tvk3
  Replies (4) Good night (3731) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience http://tfl.nu/gidk
  Replies (16) Good night (617) Bad night (4780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+06): View more from

  We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+06): We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away. http://tfl.nu/dvn1
  Replies (13) Good night (5991) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac? http://tfl.nu/67cg
  Replies (84) Good night (7043) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal http://tfl.nu/ml27
  Replies (10) Good night (4373) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request. http://tfl.nu/53d6
  Replies (14) Good night (4883) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me http://tfl.nu/r4q8
  Replies (12) Good night (861) Bad night (6710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed http://tfl.nu/zayy
  Replies (5) Good night (4695) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed. http://tfl.nu/chu6
  Replies (7) Good night (1440) Bad night (3248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man. http://tfl.nu/hhwz
  Replies (17) Good night (837) Bad night (5772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs? http://tfl.nu/4vl4
  Replies (74) Good night (595) Bad night (6026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta. http://tfl.nu/sa2y
  Replies (41) Good night (13742) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die. http://tfl.nu/bqq9
  Replies (9) Good night (861) Bad night (2913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus. http://tfl.nu/0q2j
  Replies (11) Good night (2667) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place. http://tfl.nu/9vyk
  Replies (36) Good night (1496) Bad night (5894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion (202): He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction http://tfl.nu/lcwv
  Replies (58) Good night (494) Bad night (5042)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom http://tfl.nu/p7m9
  Replies (4) Good night (1079) Bad night (249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high. http://tfl.nu/zw5l
  Replies (31) Good night (7582) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda. http://tfl.nu/fjuw
  Replies (111) Good night (6324) Bad night (2126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude. http://tfl.nu/2mtw
  Replies (6) Good night (1876) Bad night (1637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass http://tfl.nu/mda2
  Replies (16) Good night (2781) Bad night (2312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice. http://tfl.nu/ol36
  Replies (9) Good night (3181) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings. http://tfl.nu/xbcs
  Replies (11) Good night (8460) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home. http://tfl.nu/7njn
  Replies (29) Good night (10037) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic. http://tfl.nu/0ai8
  Replies (56) Good night (9802) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten... http://tfl.nu/iblb
  Replies (49) Good night (2908) Bad night (5462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings http://tfl.nu/sahq
  Replies (30) Good night (2660) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase http://tfl.nu/yg43
  Replies (11) Good night (3878) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons." http://tfl.nu/jfl4
  Replies (10) Good night (4926) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night. http://tfl.nu/gp7p
  Replies (27) Good night (3757) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much http://tfl.nu/3dmn
  Replies (26) Good night (9889) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Yah man, that place is surreal

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Yah man, that place is surreal (731): Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal? http://tfl.nu/sga3
  Replies (70) Good night (3232) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie. http://tfl.nu/kbq6
  Replies (6) Good night (748) Bad night (2946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Ketchup is God's man juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Ketchup is God's man juice http://tfl.nu/p9oo
  Replies (43) Good night (2544) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Five things that make you perfect. Go.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Five things that make you perfect. Go. (1-918): The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/ni7m
  Replies (25) Good night (5895) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy. http://tfl.nu/bi3k
  Replies (11) Good night (1228) Bad night (3853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis http://tfl.nu/zgff
  Replies (64) Good night (7549) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/w4ku
  Replies (17) Good night (496) Bad night (6415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting. http://tfl.nu/a3qg
  Replies (16) Good night (2574) Bad night (1870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack http://tfl.nu/aa3v
  Replies (87) Good night (8582) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.

  (917): View more from New York City

  i told you we never speak of that again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something. (917): i told you we never speak of that again http://tfl.nu/ijex
  Replies (14) Good night (868) Bad night (4059)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be. http://tfl.nu/j7k8
  Replies (16) Good night (4524) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms http://tfl.nu/8xzr
  Replies (9) Good night (4111) Bad night (317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move http://tfl.nu/msae
  Replies (33) Good night (6896) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how http://tfl.nu/jixl
  Replies (15) Good night (801) Bad night (3313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM" http://tfl.nu/3pco
  Replies (26) Good night (1409) Bad night (7077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better http://tfl.nu/pitl
  Replies (42) Good night (7178) Bad night (1808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer http://tfl.nu/ip3a
  Replies (39) Good night (3916) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner. http://tfl.nu/5d6x
  Replies (42) Good night (649) Bad night (14299)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night. http://tfl.nu/a8sl
  Replies (20) Good night (1618) Bad night (4466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married http://tfl.nu/xv8o
  Replies (68) Good night (12733) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them. http://tfl.nu/xftj
  Replies (6) Good night (3154) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right". http://tfl.nu/kg1e
  Replies (8) Good night (1428) Bad night (4077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right. http://tfl.nu/wcm0
  Replies (46) Good night (5230) Bad night (1783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah. http://tfl.nu/5le1
  Replies (10) Good night (870) Bad night (3979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Life is so much better after having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Life is so much better after having sex. http://tfl.nu/blju
  Replies (39) Good night (10863) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless? http://tfl.nu/wpih
  Replies (24) Good night (1052) Bad night (3635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina... http://tfl.nu/78ky
  Replies (19) Good night (1541) Bad night (6981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose http://tfl.nu/99kl
  Replies (8) Good night (1156) Bad night (3706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Did I show you my penis last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Did I show you my penis last night? http://tfl.nu/i066
  Replies (29) Good night (6756) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope. http://tfl.nu/4d9q
  Replies (28) Good night (5153) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10 http://tfl.nu/1xln
  Replies (13) Good night (6586) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day. http://tfl.nu/6xwz
  Replies (6) Good night (2249) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/pqtq
  Replies (34) Good night (2954) Bad night (3942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man http://tfl.nu/xuc0
  Replies (16) Good night (4707) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat http://tfl.nu/a753
  Replies (18) Good night (5016) Bad night (2456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail? http://tfl.nu/xsa7
  Replies (20) Good night (742) Bad night (5395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis. http://tfl.nu/bygw
  Replies (14) Good night (1070) Bad night (5264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon http://tfl.nu/5ghl
  Replies (23) Good night (7146) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America http://tfl.nu/nfrq
  Replies (23) Good night (6335) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/tjbu
  Replies (4) Good night (4285) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up http://tfl.nu/v5zl
  Replies (23) Good night (7607) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (021): View more from

  Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (021): Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant. http://tfl.nu/uluq
  Replies (49) Good night (342) Bad night (6447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  What!?!?! How are you txting?!

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you. (1-775): What!?!?! How are you txting?! (775): Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/1ioc
  Replies (55) Good night (786) Bad night (2711)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
  Replies (39) Good night (13930) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex http://tfl.nu/mh19
  Replies (24) Good night (1354) Bad night (3847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln http://tfl.nu/pu0o
  Replies (3) Good night (3266) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.

  (646): View more from New York

  I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am. (646): I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ. http://tfl.nu/g49z
  Replies (13) Good night (310) Bad night (891)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand... http://tfl.nu/us7j
  Replies (36) Good night (357) Bad night (2178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish. http://tfl.nu/e99m
  Replies (6) Good night (721) Bad night (3234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger http://tfl.nu/u6xr
  Replies (22) Good night (1129) Bad night (4735)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff http://tfl.nu/b3xl
  Replies (83) Good night (11436) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics http://tfl.nu/kq58
  Replies (44) Good night (1379) Bad night (4067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up. http://tfl.nu/a8fn
  Replies (13) Good night (4346) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair. http://tfl.nu/ztjm
  Replies (10) Good night (1159) Bad night (3500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia. http://tfl.nu/rank
  Replies (69) Good night (2905) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me. http://tfl.nu/z6eo
  Replies (35) Good night (18607) Bad night (1143)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward. http://tfl.nu/w09f
  Replies (36) Good night (510) Bad night (8182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?

  (954): View more from Florida

  In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach? (954): In the hopes he'll just put it in one day? http://tfl.nu/u4da
  Replies (100) Good night (1076) Bad night (7802)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm moving there. Get me hired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job. (973): I'm moving there. Get me hired. http://tfl.nu/wn7j
  Replies (39) Good night (5262) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (19353) Bad night (1409)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass. http://tfl.nu/jig4
  Replies (18) Good night (5048) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten. http://tfl.nu/8y7f
  Replies (21) Good night (5698) Bad night (1509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night

  (586): View more from Michigan

  2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street

  (586): View more from Michigan

  3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call

  (586): View more from Michigan

  So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): 1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night (586): 2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street (586): 3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call (586): So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you http://tfl.nu/crcb
  Replies (8) Good night (1290) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo

  (619): View more from California

  Cremation, why do you ask?

  (760): View more from California

  I think we have a bit of a problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo (619): Cremation, why do you ask? (760): I think we have a bit of a problem http://tfl.nu/6d26
  Replies (15) Good night (645) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman. http://tfl.nu/lb9r
  Replies (19) Good night (904) Bad night (4233)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft http://tfl.nu/ob1j
  Replies (26) Good night (797) Bad night (4304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed. http://tfl.nu/pp8v
  Replies (44) Good night (793) Bad night (5058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Wait, how do girls masturbate?

  (1-925): View more from California

  I dunno we use shower heads I guess.

  (925): View more from California

  ..how does it fit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Wait, how do girls masturbate? (1-925): I dunno we use shower heads I guess. (925): ..how does it fit? http://tfl.nu/ktf5
  Replies (85) Good night (1817) Bad night (5506)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever. http://tfl.nu/ykgr
  Replies (64) Good night (9476) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
  Replies (55) Good night (6790) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.

  (352): View more from Florida

  I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency. (352): I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial. http://tfl.nu/wg41
  Replies (28) Good night (6980) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know. http://tfl.nu/g6tj
  Replies (13) Good night (3575) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom. http://tfl.nu/0mx3
  Replies (28) Good night (4604) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas?? http://tfl.nu/74h0
  Replies (59) Good night (1717) Bad night (2983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte! http://tfl.nu/25lr
  Replies (1) Good night (2894) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard. http://tfl.nu/5chf
  Replies (36) Good night (5713) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick. http://tfl.nu/gssh
  Replies (20) Good night (3505) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek. http://tfl.nu/tra5
  Replies (20) Good night (5255) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun" http://tfl.nu/u1ro
  Replies (34) Good night (7218) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Its worth a shot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits? (305): Its worth a shot. http://tfl.nu/0784
  Replies (9) Good night (1023) Bad night (2500)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..." http://tfl.nu/geex
  Replies (22) Good night (13537) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I totes stole your whore crown.

  (239): View more from Florida

  With great power comes great responsibility.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I totes stole your whore crown. (239): With great power comes great responsibility. http://tfl.nu/gvmp
  Replies (57) Good night (5606) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears. http://tfl.nu/6ckb
  Replies (14) Good night (4627) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much. http://tfl.nu/ll22
  Replies (27) Good night (7147) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over http://tfl.nu/74b2
  Replies (28) Good night (20431) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. http://tfl.nu/aea7
  Replies (16) Good night (763) Bad night (3783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Have you learned any life lessons?

  (406): View more from Montana

  I like big butts and I cannot lie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Have you learned any life lessons? (406): I like big butts and I cannot lie. http://tfl.nu/s51u
  Replies (11) Good night (2402) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood http://tfl.nu/ffyp
  Replies (36) Good night (679) Bad night (5800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

  (207): View more from Maine

  You need to stop watching Twilight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler? (207): You need to stop watching Twilight. http://tfl.nu/oudp
  Replies (48) Good night (877) Bad night (1143)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis. http://tfl.nu/937p
  Replies (25) Good night (2223) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq" http://tfl.nu/vhsj
  Replies (19) Good night (1396) Bad night (3054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever. http://tfl.nu/bxy4
  Replies (17) Good night (8093) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga http://tfl.nu/qw9z
  Replies (29) Good night (12741) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I wish facebook had a fuck off button.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I wish facebook had a fuck off button. http://tfl.nu/0iiv
  Replies (34) Good night (10050) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you... http://tfl.nu/gd52
  Replies (11) Good night (362) Bad night (1914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex? http://tfl.nu/5ngg
  Replies (10) Good night (2960) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (385) Good night (39829) Bad night (3547)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR http://tfl.nu/zpxr
  Replies (4) Good night (446) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love. http://tfl.nu/hfkg
  Replies (12) Good night (698) Bad night (3525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz
  Replies (28) Good night (4676) Bad night (1897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Whatcha textin bout Willis?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Whatcha textin bout Willis? http://tfl.nu/s0y0
  Replies (29) Good night (3343) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener. (1-609): Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts. http://tfl.nu/3zgr
  Replies (50) Good night (5292) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end. http://tfl.nu/1db0
  Replies (21) Good night (1489) Bad night (3931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan. http://tfl.nu/zri3
  Replies (70) Good night (505) Bad night (2460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does. http://tfl.nu/fsmd
  Replies (18) Good night (3956) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt? http://tfl.nu/7oa6
  Replies (97) Good night (449) Bad night (3927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling. (1-904): It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that. http://tfl.nu/i3bg
  Replies (28) Good night (579) Bad night (1928)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (116) Good night (37592) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster http://tfl.nu/9o1b
  Replies (14) Good night (802) Bad night (3834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  what ever happened to devon sawa?

  (415): View more from California

  fuck...who knows?

  (951): View more from California

  i'm really worried about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): what ever happened to devon sawa? (415): fuck...who knows? (951): i'm really worried about him. http://tfl.nu/sfvp
  Replies (56) Good night (962) Bad night (1458)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  what happened last night?

  (917): View more from New York City

  u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style

  (718): View more from New York

  that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left http://tfl.nu/i3a9
  Replies (39) Good night (13351) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson http://tfl.nu/24on
  Replies (72) Good night (982) Bad night (3451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/7obs
  Replies (13) Good night (3868) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse. http://tfl.nu/gxwi
  Replies (14) Good night (4037) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/5zs6
  Replies (44) Good night (4203) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her... http://tfl.nu/azzw
  Replies (21) Good night (4834) Bad night (2205) Order T-Shirt