Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Loading more great texts...