this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Send us your Text From Last Night!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
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