I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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