this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The best revenge is premature balding
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Acid is not a monday night drug
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
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