He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
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