I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Send us your Text From Last Night!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
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