you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Send us your Text From Last Night!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
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