quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
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