i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
