I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
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