miamiprincess89's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked. http://tfl.nu/l7dr
  Replies (7) Good night (1307) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/p3wm
  Replies (3) Good night (1184) Bad night (312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half! http://tfl.nu/uska
  Replies (4) Good night (1143) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit. http://tfl.nu/alyo
  Replies (9) Good night (1694) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow... (1-919): I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that. http://tfl.nu/ee0c
  Replies (0) Good night (1668) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow. http://tfl.nu/dddh
  Replies (3) Good night (319) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life. http://tfl.nu/zzux
  Replies (2) Good night (1135) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her. http://tfl.nu/jxh9
  Replies (5) Good night (1043) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be. (336): You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver. (704): Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive http://tfl.nu/8bf5
  Replies (7) Good night (1207) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake. http://tfl.nu/hj3n
  Replies (10) Good night (988) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine. http://tfl.nu/9wmu
  Replies (3) Good night (1675) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit http://tfl.nu/amcv
  Replies (1) Good night (872) Bad night (312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever. http://tfl.nu/9j5e
  Replies (5) Good night (1063) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down. http://tfl.nu/f22r
  Replies (18) Good night (564) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here. http://tfl.nu/yssz
  Replies (20) Good night (3798) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees. http://tfl.nu/qlcd
  Replies (2) Good night (1178) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING.... http://tfl.nu/av21
  Replies (7) Good night (1810) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents? http://tfl.nu/nffm
  Replies (4) Good night (677) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere. http://tfl.nu/am2w
  Replies (3) Good night (2064) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works. http://tfl.nu/hgbu
  Replies (5) Good night (1812) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars. http://tfl.nu/rfvc
  Replies (2) Good night (1440) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (587): Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature? http://tfl.nu/gy0w
  Replies (7) Good night (1168) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day. http://tfl.nu/rkpb
  Replies (6) Good night (465) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd http://tfl.nu/os0g
  Replies (8) Good night (1306) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic http://tfl.nu/so38
  Replies (13) Good night (1267) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/lamp
  Replies (6) Good night (997) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is http://tfl.nu/zc14
  Replies (2) Good night (1082) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity http://tfl.nu/jo5n
  Replies (10) Good night (574) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Who in tha hell do u hang out with?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls. (1-615): Who in tha hell do u hang out with? http://tfl.nu/cxra
  Replies (5) Good night (1892) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Cute underage boy is in my house.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Cute underage boy is in my house. (410): OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE. http://tfl.nu/uq1q
  Replies (13) Good night (1520) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask. http://tfl.nu/3wq6
  Replies (7) Good night (1378) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  whiskey

  (914): View more from New York

  stop

  (518): View more from New York

  tequila

  (914): View more from New York

  you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): whiskey (914): stop (518): tequila (914): you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up http://tfl.nu/4nb1
  Replies (3) Good night (1599) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive http://tfl.nu/45br
  Replies (9) Good night (1867) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked. http://tfl.nu/voiu
  Replies (3) Good night (1027) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/qv2s
  Replies (9) Good night (1147) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point http://tfl.nu/qeeg
  Replies (2) Good night (1820) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL http://tfl.nu/hj1k
  Replies (3) Good night (1314) Bad night (289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds http://tfl.nu/g7b7
  Replies (5) Good night (810) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table. http://tfl.nu/pg5d
  Replies (2) Good night (1332) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch. http://tfl.nu/4axa
  Replies (6) Good night (2962) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise.. http://tfl.nu/c4kh
  Replies (12) Good night (2023) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.

  (712): View more from Iowa

  What's an angry pirate?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again. (712): What's an angry pirate? (702): You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever. http://tfl.nu/pzvl
  Replies (31) Good night (1025) Bad night (1467)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah http://tfl.nu/ef97
  Replies (9) Good night (1513) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm. http://tfl.nu/kbjg
  Replies (12) Good night (1340) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila http://tfl.nu/x7nj
  Replies (5) Good night (484) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness http://tfl.nu/w2dw
  Replies (2) Good night (1157) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen? http://tfl.nu/0v6w
  Replies (5) Good night (2281) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame (774): I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success http://tfl.nu/49mo
  Replies (6) Good night (1537) Bad night (487)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single? (1-208): Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well. http://tfl.nu/96dv
  Replies (10) Good night (1495) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation. http://tfl.nu/ln89
  Replies (3) Good night (1278) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make http://tfl.nu/3d29
  Replies (5) Good night (1967) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro". http://tfl.nu/wzks
  Replies (9) Good night (765) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor http://tfl.nu/xy0n
  Replies (4) Good night (1908) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars. http://tfl.nu/bno3
  Replies (9) Good night (1637) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't even know what to say right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away. (847): I don't even know what to say right now http://tfl.nu/f47i
  Replies (6) Good night (983) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future http://tfl.nu/peo6
  Replies (4) Good night (925) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs. http://tfl.nu/ixry
  Replies (3) Good night (1402) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer. http://tfl.nu/mgaz
  Replies (2) Good night (1874) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together. http://tfl.nu/i6go
  Replies (12) Good night (1854) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING http://tfl.nu/fw3v
  Replies (8) Good night (1301) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks. http://tfl.nu/l0wp
  Replies (5) Good night (1043) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem http://tfl.nu/ll71
  Replies (6) Good night (3034) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way. http://tfl.nu/age7
  Replies (9) Good night (916) Bad night (1289)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card. http://tfl.nu/bhqn
  Replies (2) Good night (1135) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck http://tfl.nu/s9r0
  Replies (20) Good night (3331) Bad night (1587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions http://tfl.nu/59zh
  Replies (11) Good night (2218) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday

  (813): View more from Florida

  Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday (813): Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun. http://tfl.nu/oehn
  Replies (1) Good night (739) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began http://tfl.nu/trvz
  Replies (2) Good night (346) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area. http://tfl.nu/eioj
  Replies (3) Good night (638) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me http://tfl.nu/fs79
  Replies (3) Good night (1125) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Bad breakup?

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Bad breakup? (1-410): He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB. http://tfl.nu/4dsn
  Replies (54) Good night (1167) Bad night (6103)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes http://tfl.nu/o499
  Replies (2) Good night (407) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio http://tfl.nu/cnyx
  Replies (6) Good night (881) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college. http://tfl.nu/cy12
  Replies (4) Good night (3357) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself. http://tfl.nu/zfk0
  Replies (10) Good night (936) Bad night (2550)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead. http://tfl.nu/0qeu
  Replies (11) Good night (4105) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves. http://tfl.nu/jfec
  Replies (32) Good night (4436) Bad night (2418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again. http://tfl.nu/0kiq
  Replies (9) Good night (3689) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know. http://tfl.nu/l7lp
  Replies (5) Good night (1079) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature. (503): Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true. http://tfl.nu/zw1q
  Replies (3) Good night (1265) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  By a pack of ravenous dildos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right? (1-615): By a pack of ravenous dildos http://tfl.nu/hx21
  Replies (3) Good night (1917) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  He was the one that got away. From my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): He was the one that got away. From my vagina. http://tfl.nu/504c
  Replies (8) Good night (1383) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck. http://tfl.nu/c5ir
  Replies (6) Good night (1490) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME" http://tfl.nu/xsgw
  Replies (6) Good night (522) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid. http://tfl.nu/l2lf
  Replies (5) Good night (1721) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee. http://tfl.nu/zv29
  Replies (16) Good night (2586) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer. http://tfl.nu/iriu
  Replies (10) Good night (2163) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man. http://tfl.nu/tr3t
  Replies (7) Good night (2939) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless http://tfl.nu/uuhp
  Replies (18) Good night (3731) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance http://tfl.nu/d5xa
  Replies (14) Good night (2850) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk. (205): Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner. http://tfl.nu/j3pe
  Replies (5) Good night (1827) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence. http://tfl.nu/yx0o
  Replies (4) Good night (1879) Bad night (342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  just fucking run.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape? (301): just fucking run. http://tfl.nu/0wzu
  Replies (5) Good night (2817) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  do we own a ladder

  (206): View more from Washington

  We do not.

  (360): View more from Washington

  then how am i on the roof

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): do we own a ladder (206): We do not. (360): then how am i on the roof http://tfl.nu/xqbq
  Replies (18) Good night (5436) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target. http://tfl.nu/jyhf
  Replies (2) Good night (951) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I'd say they're off to a great start!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles. (571): I'd say they're off to a great start! http://tfl.nu/1lyt
  Replies (4) Good night (2005) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!! http://tfl.nu/hi1l
  Replies (6) Good night (1655) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I haven't seen her in ages, how is she? (651): Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better http://tfl.nu/q7yr
  Replies (5) Good night (1978) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb. http://tfl.nu/1qwr
  Replies (5) Good night (1884) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas. http://tfl.nu/e1hv
  Replies (4) Good night (1297) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts

  (805): View more from California

  YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

  (1-805): View more from California

  budget cuts are serious business

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj
  Replies (14) Good night (3818) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (276): That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go. http://tfl.nu/61yn
  Replies (3) Good night (301) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom. http://tfl.nu/ilht
  Replies (7) Good night (1723) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer. http://tfl.nu/jm0p
  Replies (7) Good night (370) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up. http://tfl.nu/dou8
  Replies (8) Good night (1219) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM http://tfl.nu/jp0v
  Replies (6) Good night (2561) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay. http://tfl.nu/px2q
  Replies (6) Good night (1180) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get? http://tfl.nu/a9m1
  Replies (12) Good night (1072) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?

  (1-516): View more from New York

  I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in? (1-516): I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift. http://tfl.nu/715b
  Replies (3) Good night (1258) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings... (610): And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually. http://tfl.nu/lwux
  Replies (3) Good night (1325) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now. http://tfl.nu/0rnz
  Replies (4) Good night (2609) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him. http://tfl.nu/6jaw
  Replies (9) Good night (2549) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.

  (718): View more from New York

  Truth. Respect the hustle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess. (718): Truth. Respect the hustle. http://tfl.nu/ecql
  Replies (3) Good night (1561) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/l6fh
  Replies (2) Good night (1311) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  This baby is an asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): This baby is an asshole http://tfl.nu/mlzh
  Replies (11) Good night (1783) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to http://tfl.nu/xfm2
  Replies (7) Good night (1724) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines. http://tfl.nu/3y2e
  Replies (22) Good night (2558) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night http://tfl.nu/2rtf
  Replies (5) Good night (1212) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break http://tfl.nu/h428
  Replies (3) Good night (1798) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole http://tfl.nu/hdrj
  Replies (7) Good night (1935) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that. http://tfl.nu/eu5z
  Replies (5) Good night (1721) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it http://tfl.nu/0xgu
  Replies (9) Good night (1660) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.' http://tfl.nu/qnb2
  Replies (3) Good night (746) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Wine is not your friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories. (972): Wine is not your friend. http://tfl.nu/ofhm
  Replies (6) Good night (512) Bad night (1279)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave. http://tfl.nu/cfsr
  Replies (7) Good night (787) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen. http://tfl.nu/ant7
  Replies (9) Good night (2302) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me. http://tfl.nu/r02t
  Replies (5) Good night (1564) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow. http://tfl.nu/9y2p
  Replies (5) Good night (1824) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage (608): HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES http://tfl.nu/buhh
  Replies (5) Good night (2400) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy http://tfl.nu/u49d
  Replies (3) Good night (1362) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism. http://tfl.nu/d72k
  Replies (1) Good night (1522) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year. http://tfl.nu/xsav
  Replies (2) Good night (1298) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose" http://tfl.nu/62vb
  Replies (5) Good night (1129) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time http://tfl.nu/nn7c
  Replies (1) Good night (580) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We still on for coffee?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We still on for coffee? (410): Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45. http://tfl.nu/m7ui
  Replies (5) Good night (534) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take http://tfl.nu/kx00
  Replies (2) Good night (713) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/1ezb
  Replies (4) Good night (677) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts http://tfl.nu/b2dg
  Replies (1) Good night (764) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  .....a litte

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life (860): .....a litte http://tfl.nu/slo9
  Replies (6) Good night (1086) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential. http://tfl.nu/3n2i
  Replies (5) Good night (2580) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week. http://tfl.nu/5pj6
  Replies (9) Good night (1745) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups http://tfl.nu/2ekp
  Replies (4) Good night (1355) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan. http://tfl.nu/f7sf
  Replies (13) Good night (2067) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that. http://tfl.nu/7qcf
  Replies (3) Good night (1133) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone. http://tfl.nu/b7in
  Replies (10) Good night (1928) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come http://tfl.nu/9b59
  Replies (30) Good night (3978) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad. http://tfl.nu/o7dx
  Replies (3) Good night (1439) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other http://tfl.nu/yr17
  Replies (1) Good night (1208) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight http://tfl.nu/nnba
  Replies (18) Good night (1655) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid. http://tfl.nu/45so
  Replies (11) Good night (2393) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk. http://tfl.nu/8anb
  Replies (11) Good night (2784) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is. (1-402): Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors. http://tfl.nu/lcrs
  Replies (6) Good night (1572) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420. http://tfl.nu/zl7d
  Replies (3) Good night (1079) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.

  (760): View more from California

  You're High aren't you?

  (858): View more from California

  Sooooo high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service. (760): You're High aren't you? (858): Sooooo high http://tfl.nu/byvy
  Replies (11) Good night (2949) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  "drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): "drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again.. http://tfl.nu/1sfp
  Replies (4) Good night (1188) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you http://tfl.nu/813g
  Replies (23) Good night (4161) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies. http://tfl.nu/al7b
  Replies (2) Good night (1754) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! http://tfl.nu/x69b
  Replies (8) Good night (1476) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan http://tfl.nu/sol0
  Replies (19) Good night (1764) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party. http://tfl.nu/277a
  Replies (3) Good night (1092) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ooooh. Get funfetti

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me. (1-413): Ooooh. Get funfetti http://tfl.nu/46m2
  Replies (7) Good night (2642) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  You dont lie about slip and slides

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): You dont lie about slip and slides http://tfl.nu/1239
  Replies (9) Good night (1573) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/odbf
  Replies (4) Good night (1054) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses. http://tfl.nu/ogb0
  Replies (2) Good night (1074) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now! http://tfl.nu/v05a
  Replies (7) Good night (1351) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit http://tfl.nu/q27h
  Replies (16) Good night (2789) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off... http://tfl.nu/wbci
  Replies (10) Good night (2005) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with. http://tfl.nu/r42s
  Replies (13) Good night (2540) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg. http://tfl.nu/31ua
  Replies (2) Good night (1220) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ...that shit cray.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet. (248): ...that shit cray. http://tfl.nu/b6yz
  Replies (14) Good night (4701) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday. http://tfl.nu/eusa
  Replies (4) Good night (838) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn. http://tfl.nu/jae6
  Replies (11) Good night (1736) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already http://tfl.nu/xrp9
  Replies (13) Good night (1068) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere. http://tfl.nu/7002
  Replies (9) Good night (714) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal. http://tfl.nu/seq0
  Replies (6) Good night (1220) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you http://tfl.nu/vw2w
  Replies (15) Good night (1765) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young. http://tfl.nu/kv9f
  Replies (2) Good night (1602) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He didn't think we needed a taxi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving (301): He didn't think we needed a taxi http://tfl.nu/o7fa
  Replies (1) Good night (1363) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today. http://tfl.nu/hnp2
  Replies (12) Good night (6200) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise. http://tfl.nu/2xsu
  Replies (10) Good night (589) Bad night (1259)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport. http://tfl.nu/pho6
  Replies (12) Good night (734) Bad night (1422)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Look at your life. Look at your choices.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up! (216): Look at your life. Look at your choices. http://tfl.nu/vob0
  Replies (7) Good night (1093) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas? http://tfl.nu/xrcg
  Replies (7) Good night (1564) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night? http://tfl.nu/3u7z
  Replies (3) Good night (1333) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy. (703): OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/zfcv
  Replies (1) Good night (1898) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift. (972): Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking. http://tfl.nu/jm0q
  Replies (23) Good night (2507) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin (774): He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying http://tfl.nu/waxr
  Replies (3) Good night (1857) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails. http://tfl.nu/3vyn
  Replies (5) Good night (1942) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday. http://tfl.nu/s40o
  Replies (15) Good night (2252) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself. http://tfl.nu/4nxp
  Replies (10) Good night (1937) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU http://tfl.nu/78be
  Replies (10) Good night (1667) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned" http://tfl.nu/ppef
  Replies (4) Good night (1188) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being. http://tfl.nu/1bas
  Replies (7) Good night (798) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place. http://tfl.nu/rizd
  Replies (15) Good night (1336) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane http://tfl.nu/5abz
  Replies (18) Good night (1349) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink. http://tfl.nu/47ui
  Replies (15) Good night (3993) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How was your Memorial Day?

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): How was your Memorial Day? (1-717): Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name. http://tfl.nu/grou
  Replies (10) Good night (3635) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating. http://tfl.nu/5a1l
  Replies (10) Good night (2318) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures. http://tfl.nu/5q46
  Replies (2) Good night (948) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall. http://tfl.nu/w95m
  Replies (4) Good night (1204) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears? http://tfl.nu/m0sz
  Replies (4) Good night (627) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots. http://tfl.nu/6u08
  Replies (12) Good night (2017) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day http://tfl.nu/h5lz
  Replies (8) Good night (2138) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me. http://tfl.nu/2l9a
  Replies (10) Good night (447) Bad night (1406)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs" http://tfl.nu/jaco
  Replies (6) Good night (2716) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots. http://tfl.nu/9hrm
  Replies (6) Good night (1884) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday. http://tfl.nu/cgf7
  Replies (5) Good night (1307) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic. http://tfl.nu/1uqk
  Replies (6) Good night (1166) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (+34): View more from Spain

  First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+34): First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here? http://tfl.nu/wg03
  Replies (8) Good night (1975) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians. http://tfl.nu/t1a5
  Replies (8) Good night (1732) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood. http://tfl.nu/swis
  Replies (4) Good night (567) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me! http://tfl.nu/u8n7
  Replies (2) Good night (1048) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird. http://tfl.nu/r3xq
  Replies (3) Good night (1111) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday. http://tfl.nu/3qlk
  Replies (4) Good night (1382) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.

  (1-985): View more from Louisiana

  Do I have a choice?

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response. (1-985): Do I have a choice? (985): I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again. http://tfl.nu/kt0k
  Replies (13) Good night (2668) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out. http://tfl.nu/7070
  Replies (5) Good night (1097) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken http://tfl.nu/q5lf
  Replies (5) Good night (648) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night. (732): Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming. http://tfl.nu/bgum
  Replies (6) Good night (1944) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight (814): I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in http://tfl.nu/2u0u
  Replies (17) Good night (687) Bad night (1441)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run. http://tfl.nu/cpd8
  Replies (2) Good night (1376) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together. http://tfl.nu/0wgb
  Replies (14) Good night (842) Bad night (3109)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed. http://tfl.nu/ajvn
  Replies (5) Good night (2146) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2 http://tfl.nu/rjqf
  Replies (5) Good night (1947) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing. http://tfl.nu/fnd4
  Replies (10) Good night (455) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is http://tfl.nu/i6zj
  Replies (13) Good night (2698) Bad night (1520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me? http://tfl.nu/anhw
  Replies (8) Good night (5328) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card. http://tfl.nu/fah6
  Replies (47) Good night (4920) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ... http://tfl.nu/w5eb
  Replies (7) Good night (1051) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR. http://tfl.nu/5elj
  Replies (16) Good night (2789) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there? http://tfl.nu/271n
  Replies (4) Good night (1499) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present? http://tfl.nu/y1uu
  Replies (22) Good night (1674) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them http://tfl.nu/sa9n
  Replies (6) Good night (1326) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (44): View more from United Kingdom

  You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (44): You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday. http://tfl.nu/tfp1
  Replies (3) Good night (1110) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"

  (425): View more from Washington

  I want to be you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze" (425): I want to be you. http://tfl.nu/ldeq
  Replies (6) Good night (2257) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole. http://tfl.nu/l1gi
  Replies (2) Good night (1210) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast. http://tfl.nu/xva7
  Replies (5) Good night (2249) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  This is true but you can't really get fired from college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one. (1-618): This is true but you can't really get fired from college http://tfl.nu/z0cp
  Replies (3) Good night (1227) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home http://tfl.nu/q30x
  Replies (1) Good night (1105) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Come down off the roof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go. (314): Come down off the roof. http://tfl.nu/d3mp
  Replies (3) Good night (1852) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  At least you got your shooes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time" (1-775): At least you got your shooes http://tfl.nu/51m2
  Replies (6) Good night (1705) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are. http://tfl.nu/yq64
  Replies (9) Good night (6868) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher. http://tfl.nu/jcc0
  Replies (11) Good night (3602) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause. http://tfl.nu/nsj4
  Replies (38) Good night (5559) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket. http://tfl.nu/p1i6
  Replies (29) Good night (6329) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs http://tfl.nu/g3cl
  Replies (3) Good night (3218) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night http://tfl.nu/m2bf
  Replies (13) Good night (9746) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me http://tfl.nu/4f25
  Replies (15) Good night (1747) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog. http://tfl.nu/99w0
  Replies (9) Good night (1810) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  and u failed math?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): 2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people (763): and u failed math? http://tfl.nu/331s
  Replies (20) Good night (2726) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I thought you were single?

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I thought you were single? (1-262): I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick. http://tfl.nu/pt5v
  Replies (6) Good night (1621) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up http://tfl.nu/word
  Replies (4) Good night (1640) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself http://tfl.nu/7j3v
  Replies (4) Good night (792) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me http://tfl.nu/3d09
  Replies (6) Good night (1078) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal. (1-503): THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO http://tfl.nu/95vh
  Replies (10) Good night (2533) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background. http://tfl.nu/p2h3
  Replies (3) Good night (940) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party. http://tfl.nu/127h
  Replies (4) Good night (1035) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12585) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left. http://tfl.nu/h7ai
  Replies (3) Good night (1513) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level http://tfl.nu/dixb
  Replies (35) Good night (6788) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment. http://tfl.nu/97ug
  Replies (4) Good night (1709) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger. http://tfl.nu/tt9q
  Replies (9) Good night (1101) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake? http://tfl.nu/vje4
  Replies (7) Good night (2285) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits. http://tfl.nu/umk6
  Replies (9) Good night (637) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them. http://tfl.nu/jpsq
  Replies (8) Good night (1935) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no http://tfl.nu/o8fg
  Replies (3) Good night (2203) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening. http://tfl.nu/xhys
  Replies (6) Good night (1363) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it http://tfl.nu/5hme
  Replies (3) Good night (1106) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship. http://tfl.nu/02yh
  Replies (3) Good night (1269) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you're kidding right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow? (613): you're kidding right? http://tfl.nu/5c4n
  Replies (9) Good night (2615) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already. http://tfl.nu/emym
  Replies (6) Good night (973) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Already at 3 and it's not even noon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today. (616): Already at 3 and it's not even noon. http://tfl.nu/7ttt
  Replies (6) Good night (1306) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.

  (415): View more from California

  Watch for tornadoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana? (512): Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought. (415): Watch for tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/7qwf
  Replies (33) Good night (2488) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter

  (323): View more from California

  yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter (323): yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake http://tfl.nu/wu9k
  Replies (13) Good night (744) Bad night (1140)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call (906): Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008 http://tfl.nu/rt6t
  Replies (1) Good night (1282) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you. http://tfl.nu/r2tt
  Replies (2) Good night (1330) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH! http://tfl.nu/fcac
  Replies (4) Good night (2004) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?

  (626): View more from California

  That's two questions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away? (626): That's two questions. http://tfl.nu/0koe
  Replies (4) Good night (1708) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager http://tfl.nu/0mj0
  Replies (3) Good night (832) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along. http://tfl.nu/kf9k
  Replies (34) Good night (8960) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared. http://tfl.nu/11u7
  Replies (4) Good night (2911) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade http://tfl.nu/zmei
  Replies (22) Good night (4480) Bad night (1621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it. http://tfl.nu/mcxs
  Replies (38) Good night (1456) Bad night (7050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me? http://tfl.nu/lgs0
  Replies (5) Good night (2358) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered" http://tfl.nu/7vwf
  Replies (3) Good night (1876) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation http://tfl.nu/adcz
  Replies (7) Good night (1977) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition) http://tfl.nu/fbpq
  Replies (3) Good night (1480) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer. http://tfl.nu/iky6
  Replies (22) Good night (2627) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff. http://tfl.nu/ss2c
  Replies (13) Good night (9137) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own. http://tfl.nu/b2cm
  Replies (1) Good night (2837) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them http://tfl.nu/2pf7
  Replies (2) Good night (4517) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out. http://tfl.nu/hn3q
  Replies (3) Good night (1790) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult. http://tfl.nu/x3id
  Replies (1) Good night (1480) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome http://tfl.nu/hrea
  Replies (3) Good night (2379) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I hear you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting. (250): I hear you http://tfl.nu/kr1l
  Replies (7) Good night (2102) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that? http://tfl.nu/3r87
  Replies (9) Good night (2768) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing http://tfl.nu/4pbh
  Replies (10) Good night (1269) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/z9mt
  Replies (9) Good night (632) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend. http://tfl.nu/2nlp
  Replies (2) Good night (1887) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore http://tfl.nu/a1lx
  Replies (11) Good night (1079) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate http://tfl.nu/clkd
  Replies (6) Good night (1498) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win. http://tfl.nu/omjw
  Replies (2) Good night (1377) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid. http://tfl.nu/iodi
  Replies (5) Good night (1208) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  this is the second day in a row.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza. (216): this is the second day in a row. (330): Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then. http://tfl.nu/tsfk
  Replies (6) Good night (1942) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off? http://tfl.nu/9svp
  Replies (3) Good night (1162) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest. http://tfl.nu/0b74
  Replies (6) Good night (503) Bad night (1092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this? http://tfl.nu/n5g9
  Replies (3) Good night (1611) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend. http://tfl.nu/0gh5
  Replies (10) Good night (3373) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012. http://tfl.nu/u0sr
  Replies (3) Good night (1133) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated. http://tfl.nu/dcl8
  Replies (6) Good night (1625) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW. http://tfl.nu/ynr9
  Replies (10) Good night (2375) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know http://tfl.nu/1326
  Replies (5) Good night (1314) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though. http://tfl.nu/ai8a
  Replies (7) Good night (1284) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation. http://tfl.nu/ezo2
  Replies (5) Good night (1094) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible. http://tfl.nu/itsw
  Replies (7) Good night (496) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever

  (509): View more from Washington

  but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever (509): but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid http://tfl.nu/bu4c
  Replies (9) Good night (2263) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And why did you do that?

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose. (617): And why did you do that? (857): Tequila http://tfl.nu/gjpj
  Replies (7) Good night (3657) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist http://tfl.nu/e75m
  Replies (19) Good night (6764) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that time you hooked up with him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit? (617) Remember that time you hooked up with him? http://tfl.nu/yz0c
  Replies (7) Good night (561) Bad night (1272)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Moment of silence for the loss of that option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues. (478): Moment of silence for the loss of that option. http://tfl.nu/jcvy
  Replies (29) Good night (1728) Bad night (6923)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?

  (1-807): View more from Ontario

  Just flip the mattress, it erases all

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Done and done

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town? (1-807): Just flip the mattress, it erases all (807): Done and done http://tfl.nu/aezq
  Replies (100) Good night (2767) Bad night (7457)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince". http://tfl.nu/a6t0
  Replies (34) Good night (5607) Bad night (6326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week. http://tfl.nu/kpcq
  Replies (5) Good night (3904) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing." http://tfl.nu/cqut
  Replies (16) Good night (6031) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested. http://tfl.nu/rwnz
  Replies (1) Good night (1819) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready http://tfl.nu/rgh6
  Replies (15) Good night (1628) Bad night (1187)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  So you met him?

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): So you met him? (1-720): More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home. http://tfl.nu/2r4i
  Replies (1) Good night (1328) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down. (803): Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you. http://tfl.nu/a5n4
  Replies (8) Good night (1619) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in. http://tfl.nu/17i8
  Replies (1) Good night (959) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.

  (425): View more from Washington

  Is that even possible?

  (509): View more from Washington

  I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me. (425): Is that even possible? (509): I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/y48j
  Replies (17) Good night (787) Bad night (2596)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend? http://tfl.nu/zwy0
  Replies (9) Good night (2537) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets http://tfl.nu/vdn6
  Replies (14) Good night (938) Bad night (3705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the snow is so cold on my vagina.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  why do you have snow on your vagina?

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  vodka and heels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): the snow is so cold on my vagina. (405): why do you have snow on your vagina? (580): vodka and heels. http://tfl.nu/uvnf
  Replies (45) Good night (6117) Bad night (1251)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer http://tfl.nu/er6w
  Replies (4) Good night (568) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home http://tfl.nu/a1xk
  Replies (3) Good night (842) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes. http://tfl.nu/g3e8
  Replies (4) Good night (950) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did she buy you pizza?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around. (215): did she buy you pizza? http://tfl.nu/k5jd
  Replies (9) Good night (2135) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital http://tfl.nu/vfam
  Replies (4) Good night (576) Bad night (1290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.

  (214): View more from Texas

  It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls. (214): It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep. http://tfl.nu/5v3w
  Replies (17) Good night (4888) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole. http://tfl.nu/uyw0
  Replies (11) Good night (3579) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class. http://tfl.nu/m667
  Replies (20) Good night (4260) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please? (443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag? http://tfl.nu/5o6h
  Replies (134) Good night (12894) Bad night (25536)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face" http://tfl.nu/ajht
  Replies (6) Good night (2060) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots http://tfl.nu/14wj
  Replies (5) Good night (1417) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  what?

  (520): View more from Arizona

  YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP! (1-520): what? (520): YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?! http://tfl.nu/3cop
  Replies (38) Good night (670) Bad night (3960)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers. http://tfl.nu/22w1
  Replies (40) Good night (713) Bad night (2544)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is" http://tfl.nu/o552
  Replies (1) Good night (1310) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag. http://tfl.nu/t9ek
  Replies (7) Good night (857) Bad night (1233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds. http://tfl.nu/prwv
  Replies (4) Good night (1388) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping http://tfl.nu/igay
  Replies (5) Good night (1745) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  #1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): #1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/f6q8
  Replies (7) Good night (1409) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested http://tfl.nu/bnqm
  Replies (6) Good night (1621) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room. http://tfl.nu/ruma
  Replies (4) Good night (1223) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman. http://tfl.nu/nx72
  Replies (7) Good night (2290) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  How do you feel?

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): How do you feel? (1-970): Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again. http://tfl.nu/th8n
  Replies (6) Good night (813) Bad night (1339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds. http://tfl.nu/o3kx
  Replies (7) Good night (1552) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying. http://tfl.nu/4qy7
  Replies (3) Good night (903) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me. http://tfl.nu/90ns
  Replies (27) Good night (751) Bad night (3106)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight. http://tfl.nu/7bae
  Replies (3) Good night (1447) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): 3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on. http://tfl.nu/uzvi
  Replies (3) Good night (1321) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes. http://tfl.nu/op0y
  Replies (1) Good night (631) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever. http://tfl.nu/fzjz
  Replies (10) Good night (633) Bad night (2180)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks. http://tfl.nu/z00s
  Replies (9) Good night (2507) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls. http://tfl.nu/z40q
  Replies (16) Good night (4240) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere. http://tfl.nu/zvpn
  Replies (20) Good night (5159) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that <code></code> http://tfl.nu/dm03
  Replies (8) Good night (1758) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset. http://tfl.nu/s72o
  Replies (7) Good night (3829) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well. http://tfl.nu/l70h
  Replies (17) Good night (853) Bad night (5428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  ....this is what your political science major is getting you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot. (580): ....this is what your political science major is getting you? http://tfl.nu/c72s
  Replies (8) Good night (2050) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God http://tfl.nu/m4vw
  Replies (3) Good night (2125) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out http://tfl.nu/guh4
  Replies (33) Good night (10951) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8
  Replies (6) Good night (2421) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj
  Replies (49) Good night (9106) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0
  Replies (48) Good night (10243) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I have so much to learn from you, wise slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!" (219): I have so much to learn from you, wise slut http://tfl.nu/eyww
  Replies (20) Good night (3617) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words. http://tfl.nu/vqcb
  Replies (25) Good night (1118) Bad night (2480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this. http://tfl.nu/ysuz
  Replies (3) Good night (1170) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on. http://tfl.nu/nhak
  Replies (8) Good night (1410) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today. (603): Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me. http://tfl.nu/6wu2
  Replies (3) Good night (2591) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it h http://tfl.nu/rzj1
  Replies (6) Good night (419) Bad night (1791)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much. http://tfl.nu/tatw
  Replies (5) Good night (932) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe. http://tfl.nu/7igq
  Replies (11) Good night (2819) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  what about money

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  no - he has a code he lives by

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n (484): what about money (610): no - he has a code he lives by http://tfl.nu/tp7q
  Replies (11) Good night (2339) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere. http://tfl.nu/qnta
  Replies (12) Good night (1856) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since. http://tfl.nu/vhst
  Replies (4) Good night (1271) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan. http://tfl.nu/b8b3
  Replies (3) Good night (1950) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody snuck up and got me drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): somebody snuck up and got me drunk http://tfl.nu/xe32
  Replies (4) Good night (1478) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave? http://tfl.nu/sauc
  Replies (16) Good night (497) Bad night (3021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What did you even date her?

  (214): View more from Texas

  because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What did you even date her? (214): because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed. http://tfl.nu/g42u
  Replies (38) Good night (4759) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend? http://tfl.nu/u4ww
  Replies (10) Good night (1642) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/87a2
  Replies (4) Good night (2075) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now. http://tfl.nu/mmi9
  Replies (1) Good night (1243) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Figured I'd get right to the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up." (1-215): Figured I'd get right to the point http://tfl.nu/wgkv
  Replies (8) Good night (725) Bad night (1420)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake? http://tfl.nu/02wx
  Replies (7) Good night (1696) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think she's perpetually drunk

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's all she knows

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I think she's perpetually drunk (484): It's all she knows http://tfl.nu/wd5u
  Replies (1) Good night (1239) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help. (1-425): I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity. http://tfl.nu/3ise
  Replies (4) Good night (1410) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (+33): View more from France

  So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+33): So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts? http://tfl.nu/237o
  Replies (14) Good night (2950) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead. http://tfl.nu/na4w
  Replies (6) Good night (3185) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing http://tfl.nu/ejfa
  Replies (9) Good night (1155) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.

  (206): View more from Washington

  The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy. (206): The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!! http://tfl.nu/5bns
  Replies (8) Good night (1695) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me http://tfl.nu/lmhn
  Replies (7) Good night (1686) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.

  (940): View more from Texas

  Deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass. (940): Deal. http://tfl.nu/ji2y
  Replies (14) Good night (2769) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Nobody in the ambulance liked me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Nobody in the ambulance liked me... http://tfl.nu/5rji
  Replies (11) Good night (666) Bad night (1530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two. http://tfl.nu/ib5v
  Replies (1) Good night (1070) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher

  (312): View more from Illinois

  And maybe a life coach?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher (312): And maybe a life coach? http://tfl.nu/dluc
  Replies (2) Good night (2001) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?

  (941): View more from Florida

  I was attacked by whores

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You threw up on yourself again didn't you?

  (941): View more from Florida

  They were strong whores

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club? (941): I was attacked by whores (609): You threw up on yourself again didn't you? (941): They were strong whores http://tfl.nu/xoz8
  Replies (7) Good night (1914) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten. http://tfl.nu/cbpd
  Replies (2) Good night (1029) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad. http://tfl.nu/m6pm
  Replies (5) Good night (1511) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays http://tfl.nu/zrwo
  Replies (3) Good night (1031) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned. http://tfl.nu/a2rg
  Replies (14) Good night (1996) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more