I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
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