Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
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