You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Loading more great texts...