Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
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