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  • But this isn't a lake, and I'm not a duck. So pass me the bottle and stfu. =]

    Submitted by Saibot on Dec 5, 10 at 1:28pm
  • Dr. Seuss?

    Submitted by mmmboy_80085 on Dec 5, 10 at 6:00pm
  • if water was vodka and i was a duck id swim to the bottom and never come up but waters not vodka and i'm not a duck so give me the bottle and shut the fuck up

    Submitted by stufflikepeace on Dec 5, 10 at 1:34pm
  • a fucking poet!

    Submitted by shitjustgotreal on Dec 5, 10 at 1:21pm
  • congratulations on getting the subjunctive right!

    Submitted by jltc on Dec 5, 10 at 2:52pm
    • actually, they didn't. if it were correct, it would say "if water were vodka"\n\ni'm not a pretentious ass, really, i'm just saying

      Submitted by moho on Dec 5, 10 at 3:12pm
      • actually, the subjunctive part was correct. you didn't correct the subjunctive, you just changed what they were talking about from "this" to "water" and "a lake full of vodka" to just "vodka".

        Submitted by quwoosh on Dec 5, 10 at 7:46pm
  • Just give me the vodka.

    Submitted by soko on Dec 5, 10 at 2:17pm
  • If the river was whiskey by TC Boyle??

    Submitted by RoRo4324 on Dec 9, 10 at 10:15pm
  • I heard this in a diff way like 9 years ago

    Submitted by stnrgrlk46290 on Feb 25, 11 at 3:28am
  • and I'd lit a match and blow you the fuck up.

    Submitted by nerdout270 on Dec 6, 10 at 5:05am
  • Why do you have to be a duck?

    Submitted by exoduster on Dec 7, 10 at 2:07am
  • Half of these texts are actually quotes from a website called

    Submitted by tizzy on Dec 6, 10 at 12:01pm