went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
