Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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