Texts From Last Night · Authoress's Favorites

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Authoress's Favorites Texts:

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(314): View more from Missouri

Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.

(636): View more from Missouri

$5. Donated.

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(275): View more from

And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story

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(303): View more from Colorado

apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...

(303): View more from Colorado

...it didn't...

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(714): View more from California

I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(512): View more from Texas

It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?

(231): View more from Michigan

Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.

(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Still breathing?

(303): View more from Colorado

Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.

(503): View more from Oregon

What.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.

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