Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
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