She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
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There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
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