being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
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And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
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