My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
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Life. You're doing it wrong.
34 year old virgin?
Did you beat it like it broke into your house, or what?
That's your goal on birthday? Pathetic
ET says "0uch".
Do you mind? We're trying to have a society here.
No life but masterbating
Perhaps you should have chosen to fart 34 timed instead, then those backfires would have been productive.