When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
