French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
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