She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Loading more great texts...