Texts From Last Night

mama691's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (52) Good night (10134) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form. http://tfl.nu/4aa9
  Replies (15) Good night (779) Bad night (4876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before? http://tfl.nu/2y4h
  Replies (50) Good night (530) Bad night (5492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  I feel like half our conversations start this way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED (1-603): I feel like half our conversations start this way. http://tfl.nu/9770
  Replies (16) Good night (5690) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly http://tfl.nu/cj2d
  Replies (39) Good night (686) Bad night (9910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip. http://tfl.nu/klsb
  Replies (50) Good night (397) Bad night (6549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting. http://tfl.nu/1dh0
  Replies (56) Good night (5376) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman... http://tfl.nu/mfcm
  Replies (48) Good night (991) Bad night (5968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful. http://tfl.nu/ngce
  Replies (10) Good night (9746) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch. http://tfl.nu/cew3
  Replies (14) Good night (4386) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  Your pregnant arnt you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil. (1-646): Your pregnant arnt you http://tfl.nu/t59m
  Replies (21) Good night (1374) Bad night (5040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad. http://tfl.nu/60es
  Replies (16) Good night (1323) Bad night (5359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode? http://tfl.nu/1peu
  Replies (15) Good night (4723) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk" http://tfl.nu/d5n3
  Replies (12) Good night (6587) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times http://tfl.nu/z2iz
  Replies (12) Good night (6097) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm... http://tfl.nu/v0t6
  Replies (21) Good night (849) Bad night (7439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle. http://tfl.nu/saxv
  Replies (7) Good night (3496) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home http://tfl.nu/jyep
  Replies (15) Good night (8096) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year http://tfl.nu/bdbv
  Replies (9) Good night (5765) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest (248): If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does http://tfl.nu/2sf6
  Replies (10) Good night (7105) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You going out tonight?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): You going out tonight? (318): No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon. http://tfl.nu/ifio
  Replies (18) Good night (913) Bad night (5968)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside. http://tfl.nu/y1e3
  Replies (8) Good night (4585) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine. http://tfl.nu/l1h6
  Replies (24) Good night (6389) Bad night (1406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread. http://tfl.nu/5lzr
  Replies (33) Good night (5804) Bad night (1624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops http://tfl.nu/nwlp
  Replies (28) Good night (6531) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (1968) Bad night (4662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide http://tfl.nu/vkti
  Replies (16) Good night (4688) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you (580): Really. http://tfl.nu/kw5b
  Replies (100) Good night (9762) Bad night (2578)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college. http://tfl.nu/qid3
  Replies (8) Good night (3432) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood. http://tfl.nu/a0o1
  Replies (35) Good night (4844) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead, http://tfl.nu/tjky
  Replies (11) Good night (4171) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol. http://tfl.nu/s5um
  Replies (10) Good night (5850) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I found those 18 whoppers we bought.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I found those 18 whoppers we bought. http://tfl.nu/flbc
  Replies (27) Good night (6533) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS. http://tfl.nu/tzd0
  Replies (47) Good night (628) Bad night (9195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (145) Good night (3184) Bad night (11804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style http://tfl.nu/9r5x
  Replies (39) Good night (12060) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot http://tfl.nu/l7sq
  Replies (62) Good night (1375) Bad night (9110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can I come stay the night

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, but no sex tonight

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'll stay home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): can I come stay the night (217): yeah, but no sex tonight (810): I'll stay home http://tfl.nu/tu8g
  Replies (34) Good night (1963) Bad night (7642)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned. http://tfl.nu/ygc3
  Replies (14) Good night (5046) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum http://tfl.nu/ih77
  Replies (10) Good night (3903) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Turns out vomit takes off spray tan. http://tfl.nu/8hd7
  Replies (10) Good night (591) Bad night (4687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar http://tfl.nu/vekl
  Replies (13) Good night (3836) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete. http://tfl.nu/q4l5
  Replies (19) Good night (4358) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it. http://tfl.nu/5c70
  Replies (16) Good night (4343) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap. http://tfl.nu/0qce
  Replies (6) Good night (508) Bad night (3674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college http://tfl.nu/n77e
  Replies (11) Good night (874) Bad night (3660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible. http://tfl.nu/nz5p
  Replies (32) Good night (8092) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j
  Replies (22) Good night (7210) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight. http://tfl.nu/kz23
  Replies (46) Good night (8293) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus. http://tfl.nu/wtrd
  Replies (16) Good night (679) Bad night (3319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up http://tfl.nu/inqg
  Replies (22) Good night (3419) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished. http://tfl.nu/wbty
  Replies (18) Good night (6806) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today http://tfl.nu/gkj4
  Replies (13) Good night (5029) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right? http://tfl.nu/ljg3
  Replies (13) Good night (828) Bad night (3499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake. http://tfl.nu/g05l
  Replies (13) Good night (10310) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis. http://tfl.nu/2bxd
  Replies (35) Good night (915) Bad night (7798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not." http://tfl.nu/pkrm
  Replies (17) Good night (5869) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  God wants them to get laid too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Why do fat girls all have such cute faces? (484): God wants them to get laid too. http://tfl.nu/23cz
  Replies (59) Good night (7612) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you. http://tfl.nu/04eg
  Replies (25) Good night (6765) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  nothing about this is right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings. (1-630): nothing about this is right. http://tfl.nu/76cn
  Replies (23) Good night (4791) Bad night (1570)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife http://tfl.nu/ib00
  Replies (66) Good night (7592) Bad night (1962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out http://tfl.nu/hdo3
  Replies (12) Good night (999) Bad night (3288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here http://tfl.nu/hb41
  Replies (16) Good night (4531) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes (1-352): I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos. http://tfl.nu/ch4a
  Replies (13) Good night (7337) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM... http://tfl.nu/mwn4
  Replies (32) Good night (6582) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year. http://tfl.nu/y6rv
  Replies (30) Good night (5728) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again http://tfl.nu/fi23
  Replies (23) Good night (1103) Bad night (3482)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success. http://tfl.nu/z2ja
  Replies (21) Good night (9442) Bad night (1449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.

  (1-619): View more from California

  You literally just made my flesh crawl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter. (1-619): You literally just made my flesh crawl. http://tfl.nu/h7tg
  Replies (32) Good night (1793) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Christians are straight up FREAKS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Christians are straight up FREAKS http://tfl.nu/h2ff
  Replies (53) Good night (3144) Bad night (1619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger. (603): Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat. http://tfl.nu/6067
  Replies (19) Good night (6354) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Is my tampon string too long for this dress?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): Is my tampon string too long for this dress? http://tfl.nu/pjcs
  Replies (54) Good night (779) Bad night (6274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way... http://tfl.nu/0604
  Replies (12) Good night (500) Bad night (1194)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?

  (1-626): View more from California

  You have mice?

  (626): View more from California

  no why?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans? (1-626): You have mice? (626): no why? http://tfl.nu/7zgo
  Replies (15) Good night (3367) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  did u really fuck my little sister???

  (706): View more from Georgia

  im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): did u really fuck my little sister??? (706): im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess" http://tfl.nu/dz4c
  Replies (155) Good night (15026) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Princesses don't give blow jobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Princesses don't give blow jobs http://tfl.nu/euq0
  Replies (69) Good night (2108) Bad night (4813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief. http://tfl.nu/du8g
  Replies (17) Good night (760) Bad night (3121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you http://tfl.nu/ee4s
  Replies (11) Good night (1219) Bad night (2638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette? http://tfl.nu/wdb5
  Replies (50) Good night (909) Bad night (2539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear (1-847): Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat http://tfl.nu/fogp
  Replies (2) Good night (1208) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.

  (1-585): View more from New York

  You are so irish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better. (1-585): You are so irish. http://tfl.nu/pewr
  Replies (19) Good night (6645) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love http://tfl.nu/jtcg
  Replies (15) Good night (983) Bad night (3411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone http://tfl.nu/mgb2
  Replies (40) Good night (770) Bad night (6447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white? http://tfl.nu/dlzj
  Replies (28) Good night (2526) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches http://tfl.nu/0tvi
  Replies (6) Good night (3690) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on

  (384): View more from

  How come?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on (384): How come? (312): Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message http://tfl.nu/r9u6
  Replies (29) Good night (331) Bad night (1339)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her. http://tfl.nu/z7hr
  Replies (9) Good night (5585) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half. http://tfl.nu/fs6e
  Replies (83) Good night (21443) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises http://tfl.nu/5v7b
  Replies (8) Good night (2566) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot. http://tfl.nu/vfy9
  Replies (26) Good night (11656) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace. http://tfl.nu/1kl9
  Replies (27) Good night (426) Bad night (2113)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too? (206): Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no. http://tfl.nu/3dwz
  Replies (56) Good night (631) Bad night (2612)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows... http://tfl.nu/dubx
  Replies (255) Good night (1677) Bad night (38570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing http://tfl.nu/tarj
  Replies (71) Good night (12192) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do http://tfl.nu/ke2v
  Replies (19) Good night (4664) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister http://tfl.nu/4kg0
  Replies (56) Good night (8660) Bad night (2165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious http://tfl.nu/xtk1
  Replies (47) Good night (2379) Bad night (10770)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week." http://tfl.nu/whj8
  Replies (86) Good night (19371) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  either way. win, win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches. (1-810): either way. win, win. http://tfl.nu/dnjj
  Replies (37) Good night (2999) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
  Replies (72) Good night (11558) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/89bk
  Replies (154) Good night (1243) Bad night (39410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  What!?!?! How are you txting?!

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you. (1-775): What!?!?! How are you txting?! (775): Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/1ioc
  Replies (55) Good night (786) Bad night (2711)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street. http://tfl.nu/fk7f
  Replies (35) Good night (8156) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
  Replies (106) Good night (20467) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up http://tfl.nu/m2d3
  Replies (78) Good night (951) Bad night (4722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance. (1-515): As in blowjob or cannibalism? (515): I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal. http://tfl.nu/r3de
  Replies (71) Good night (3731) Bad night (1179)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here. http://tfl.nu/jyp5
  Replies (14) Good night (7616) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm drunk

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Is that why you're texting me

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm drunk (615): Is that why you're texting me (405): Yes http://tfl.nu/5xy8
  Replies (16) Good night (1230) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover. http://tfl.nu/sdyg
  Replies (15) Good night (3723) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed. http://tfl.nu/knrb
  Replies (25) Good night (5501) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex." http://tfl.nu/vl6s
  Replies (24) Good night (4687) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going? http://tfl.nu/4uq9
  Replies (49) Good night (892) Bad night (20124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box. http://tfl.nu/7k9p
  Replies (12) Good night (531) Bad night (3245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page http://tfl.nu/nscl
  Replies (8) Good night (4115) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not? http://tfl.nu/k8n6
  Replies (37) Good night (3067) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.

  (1-857): View more from Massachusetts

  Doors?

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now. (1-857): Doors? (857): Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet. http://tfl.nu/ic4r
  Replies (6) Good night (1697) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job http://tfl.nu/pld4
  Replies (19) Good night (956) Bad night (3981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street http://tfl.nu/ikjt
  Replies (24) Good night (420) Bad night (3227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse http://tfl.nu/dvkx
  Replies (9) Good night (421) Bad night (4003)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal http://tfl.nu/usjw
  Replies (28) Good night (20817) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
  Replies (81) Good night (15968) Bad night (2337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it. http://tfl.nu/h4q6
  Replies (22) Good night (5877) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account. http://tfl.nu/ui6k
  Replies (21) Good night (6071) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president" http://tfl.nu/8jue
  Replies (21) Good night (6378) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people http://tfl.nu/qth2
  Replies (34) Good night (6337) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up? (812): You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/331c
  Replies (48) Good night (8453) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (9902) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (16) Good night (15043) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper. http://tfl.nu/lg2v
  Replies (26) Good night (10265) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend. http://tfl.nu/zf6u
  Replies (14) Good night (4926) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She's allergic to latex.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Lucky bastard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She's allergic to latex. (678): Lucky bastard. http://tfl.nu/kpxi
  Replies (30) Good night (5494) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe http://tfl.nu/5ing
  Replies (14) Good night (3375) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower. http://tfl.nu/hbb7
  Replies (62) Good night (18605) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?

  (1-807): View more from Ontario

  Just flip the mattress, it erases all

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Done and done

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town? (1-807): Just flip the mattress, it erases all (807): Done and done http://tfl.nu/aezq
  Replies (99) Good night (2582) Bad night (7257)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified. http://tfl.nu/41hb
  Replies (10) Good night (3246) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys. http://tfl.nu/wntn
  Replies (73) Good night (7132) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl? http://tfl.nu/dwko
  Replies (47) Good night (5218) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST (602): I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise! http://tfl.nu/2ck7
  Replies (36) Good night (6573) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier. http://tfl.nu/rjab
  Replies (81) Good night (7941) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work http://tfl.nu/0keb
  Replies (20) Good night (4773) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF? http://tfl.nu/wdl8
  Replies (59) Good night (3558) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol. http://tfl.nu/lstw
  Replies (12) Good night (4218) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit... http://tfl.nu/fzja
  Replies (60) Good night (4346) Bad night (1369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass. http://tfl.nu/ng8b
  Replies (71) Good night (6063) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore. http://tfl.nu/ktqn
  Replies (8) Good night (1760) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign http://tfl.nu/tzlz
  Replies (18) Good night (4573) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through. http://tfl.nu/kavy
  Replies (24) Good night (5532) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning? http://tfl.nu/326j
  Replies (31) Good night (579) Bad night (2032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove. http://tfl.nu/uua4
  Replies (40) Good night (3371) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it http://tfl.nu/0her
  Replies (11) Good night (5186) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue http://tfl.nu/qbgw
  Replies (26) Good night (4547) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting. http://tfl.nu/7nt8
  Replies (30) Good night (542) Bad night (4209)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder http://tfl.nu/v6lr
  Replies (172) Good night (5553) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment. http://tfl.nu/tuh7
  Replies (39) Good night (11386) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly http://tfl.nu/6dbu
  Replies (5) Good night (1571) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked. http://tfl.nu/falb
  Replies (6) Good night (2593) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks. http://tfl.nu/qak2
  Replies (10) Good night (657) Bad night (8189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school. http://tfl.nu/xo9e
  Replies (36) Good night (1433) Bad night (3978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby http://tfl.nu/ihl1
  Replies (10) Good night (2376) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff. http://tfl.nu/tizj
  Replies (32) Good night (916) Bad night (14625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork. http://tfl.nu/8epk
  Replies (16) Good night (929) Bad night (4954)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!? http://tfl.nu/ocr3
  Replies (69) Good night (1542) Bad night (9532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  "it" just moved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): "it" just moved http://tfl.nu/94mg
  Replies (10) Good night (390) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra... http://tfl.nu/hira
  Replies (45) Good night (6066) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/eja8
  Replies (33) Good night (7089) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Yes and so do I

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore? (1-702): Yes and so do I http://tfl.nu/4rgh
  Replies (46) Good night (4004) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Who won?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  All of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away. (504): Who won? (225): All of them. http://tfl.nu/xlra
  Replies (81) Good night (9034) Bad night (1427)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  You love me.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That's because, tragically, I adore whores.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): You love me. (785): That's because, tragically, I adore whores. http://tfl.nu/7eph
  Replies (29) Good night (7631) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy. http://tfl.nu/5u2t
  Replies (78) Good night (9119) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth. (419): I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat. http://tfl.nu/rzvc
  Replies (10) Good night (2660) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake. http://tfl.nu/kf3k
  Replies (22) Good night (5239) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride. http://tfl.nu/51rz
  Replies (22) Good night (5429) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them http://tfl.nu/2uni
  Replies (41) Good night (14119) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  no. you can't hotbox the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): no. you can't hotbox the world. http://tfl.nu/5as3
  Replies (54) Good night (5040) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth http://tfl.nu/99n5
  Replies (10) Good night (323) Bad night (3102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car http://tfl.nu/l192
  Replies (191) Good night (15305) Bad night (1960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew. http://tfl.nu/fdzr
  Replies (88) Good night (5188) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/egoc
  Replies (28) Good night (3793) Bad night (1511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes http://tfl.nu/sox5
  Replies (48) Good night (1130) Bad night (245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This explains a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner.... (732): This explains a lot. http://tfl.nu/s7a0
  Replies (24) Good night (8174) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop. http://tfl.nu/jwrv
  Replies (18) Good night (4362) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility. http://tfl.nu/43su
  Replies (17) Good night (8039) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  our generation is not ready to get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"? (636): our generation is not ready to get married http://tfl.nu/klk9
  Replies (49) Good night (6472) Bad night (2134)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex." http://tfl.nu/3mha
  Replies (25) Good night (6637) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..

  (256): View more from Alabama

  everythings easier when your wearing a toga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga.. (256): everythings easier when your wearing a toga. http://tfl.nu/a4vc
  Replies (22) Good night (6745) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table http://tfl.nu/oexb
  Replies (40) Good night (6748) Bad night (1567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall http://tfl.nu/bqaz
  Replies (59) Good night (6797) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down. http://tfl.nu/a74v
  Replies (27) Good night (6937) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  grab my backpack.....its in the fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): grab my backpack.....its in the fridge http://tfl.nu/prjt
  Replies (19) Good night (7495) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal http://tfl.nu/pmv6
  Replies (23) Good night (9851) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on. http://tfl.nu/5fm3
  Replies (30) Good night (9750) Bad night (1242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me http://tfl.nu/38h8
  Replies (28) Good night (7081) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We better fuck soon then

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again. (201): We better fuck soon then http://tfl.nu/yyxr
  Replies (25) Good night (7445) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Stop introducing me to people as your little sister. (1-662): I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother. http://tfl.nu/5xkr
  Replies (31) Good night (7482) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america http://tfl.nu/n1lq
  Replies (27) Good night (7902) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed. http://tfl.nu/rvfy
  Replies (38) Good night (8414) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Because ur a stupid bitch

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Because ur a stupid bitch (1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch. http://tfl.nu/0sjk
  Replies (54) Good night (10788) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party. (1-813): I ordered a moonbounce. (813): Fuck, you win. http://tfl.nu/qedv
  Replies (38) Good night (9836) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
  Replies (56) Good night (12963) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday. http://tfl.nu/86uh
  Replies (42) Good night (10933) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens. http://tfl.nu/pxin
  Replies (31) Good night (10892) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her http://tfl.nu/ofex
  Replies (65) Good night (13084) Bad night (2310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet." http://tfl.nu/s1m4
  Replies (52) Good night (15178) Bad night (1387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties. http://tfl.nu/xw7t
  Replies (9) Good night (4601) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  couldn't find a condom?

  (804): View more from Virginia

  basically

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you (1-804): couldn't find a condom? (804): basically http://tfl.nu/rfmp
  Replies (16) Good night (5552) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  her facebook's as public as her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): her facebook's as public as her vagina http://tfl.nu/w3ii
  Replies (43) Good night (2970) Bad night (2317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  and i looked up. we had an audience...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): and i looked up. we had an audience... http://tfl.nu/amn4
  Replies (16) Good night (4139) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house? http://tfl.nu/tnd3
  Replies (30) Good night (8855) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays http://tfl.nu/4h3r
  Replies (8) Good night (717) Bad night (2802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed. http://tfl.nu/r7o8
  Replies (5) Good night (892) Bad night (5240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal. http://tfl.nu/0da6
  Replies (40) Good night (983) Bad night (3685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations http://tfl.nu/80g5
  Replies (10) Good night (922) Bad night (4018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me. http://tfl.nu/1tg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1141) Bad night (4652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her. http://tfl.nu/mczp
  Replies (28) Good night (2266) Bad night (11460)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you. http://tfl.nu/vzzi
  Replies (7) Good night (3663) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Where else am I to apply my creativity?

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Where else am I to apply my creativity? (1-303): I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start. http://tfl.nu/ttid
  Replies (5) Good night (2931) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him? http://tfl.nu/ybyr
  Replies (18) Good night (3566) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer http://tfl.nu/uupu
  Replies (16) Good night (5181) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night http://tfl.nu/y9ju
  Replies (23) Good night (6353) Bad night (1559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex http://tfl.nu/zx0t
  Replies (12) Good night (4304) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day. http://tfl.nu/wt3s
  Replies (22) Good night (5520) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/5bcj
  Replies (14) Good night (4557) Bad night (1889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks. http://tfl.nu/giz7
  Replies (14) Good night (4529) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd http://tfl.nu/28g8
  Replies (39) Good night (10461) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  Or a large amount of condoms?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation. (1-612): Or a large amount of condoms?!? http://tfl.nu/muu8
  Replies (12) Good night (6059) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut? http://tfl.nu/0rrw
  Replies (37) Good night (7909) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7uwm
  Replies (14) Good night (6365) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final http://tfl.nu/7b8j
  Replies (18) Good night (9465) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins http://tfl.nu/vpk9
  Replies (19) Good night (5569) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please. http://tfl.nu/1q4n
  Replies (17) Good night (7591) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero. http://tfl.nu/82jq
  Replies (16) Good night (6892) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse' http://tfl.nu/umk4
  Replies (18) Good night (9577) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill. http://tfl.nu/jqgl
  Replies (36) Good night (6569) Bad night (2187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (178) Good night (89868) Bad night (3912)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (202) Good night (112762) Bad night (2647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136712) Bad night (8409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (375) Good night (124227) Bad night (3441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128189) Bad night (5060)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161239) Bad night (40087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (23964) Bad night (1287)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible. http://tfl.nu/n38l
  Replies (30) Good night (518) Bad night (6255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing. http://tfl.nu/z54y
  Replies (15) Good night (493) Bad night (6579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier? http://tfl.nu/2449
  Replies (182) Good night (4963) Bad night (6660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either... http://tfl.nu/vddq
  Replies (45) Good night (547) Bad night (6716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it. (785): again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now. http://tfl.nu/6i8m
  Replies (35) Good night (1312) Bad night (6687)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets http://tfl.nu/n8se
  Replies (23) Good night (1278) Bad night (7825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME http://tfl.nu/i706
  Replies (51) Good night (469) Bad night (6650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about http://tfl.nu/1vap
  Replies (27) Good night (1160) Bad night (6436)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche http://tfl.nu/hcs6
  Replies (50) Good night (1469) Bad night (6422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama. (770): WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?! http://tfl.nu/mh7d
  Replies (49) Good night (991) Bad night (6735)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session http://tfl.nu/9nzb
  Replies (111) Good night (1003) Bad night (6513)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate. http://tfl.nu/beue
  Replies (40) Good night (962) Bad night (6745)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks http://tfl.nu/wbdh
  Replies (32) Good night (663) Bad night (6796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen. http://tfl.nu/ldf9
  Replies (20) Good night (929) Bad night (7081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit http://tfl.nu/qd4t
  Replies (63) Good night (934) Bad night (7133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself. http://tfl.nu/wwab
  Replies (45) Good night (724) Bad night (6952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something http://tfl.nu/p4oj
  Replies (31) Good night (660) Bad night (7021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left. http://tfl.nu/hrhu
  Replies (36) Good night (791) Bad night (6906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  im bored tell me something entertaining

  (206): View more from Washington

  You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao
  Replies (48) Good night (1286) Bad night (9358)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): dude, she masturbates with a ken doll. http://tfl.nu/7x56
  Replies (66) Good night (1080) Bad night (7126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car. http://tfl.nu/v5pu
  Replies (31) Good night (1045) Bad night (7419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door http://tfl.nu/oj7i
  Replies (57) Good night (1262) Bad night (9327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff http://tfl.nu/4b3c
  Replies (33) Good night (497) Bad night (8050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE! http://tfl.nu/1ymk
  Replies (63) Good night (902) Bad night (7563)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored. http://tfl.nu/m1fl
  Replies (43) Good night (832) Bad night (7530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/a138
  Replies (60) Good night (2013) Bad night (7301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just saw the nastiest chick.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Where?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I just saw the nastiest chick. (1-603): Where? (603): woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you http://tfl.nu/hbsk
  Replies (43) Good night (1002) Bad night (7951)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes http://tfl.nu/dswl
  Replies (84) Good night (3045) Bad night (7513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka. http://tfl.nu/pwqr
  Replies (15) Good night (753) Bad night (7749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family? http://tfl.nu/vek9
  Replies (72) Good night (1673) Bad night (7662)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face. http://tfl.nu/zq8n
  Replies (73) Good night (939) Bad night (7758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Why do you apologize after every time we have sex? http://tfl.nu/3g2b
  Replies (27) Good night (531) Bad night (8066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What?!

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom... (1-913): What?! (913): Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!! http://tfl.nu/4m0s
  Replies (35) Good night (712) Bad night (8601)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse? http://tfl.nu/9r6j
  Replies (37) Good night (683) Bad night (9294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/0zg1
  Replies (84) Good night (895) Bad night (8178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top. http://tfl.nu/4up5
  Replies (132) Good night (569) Bad night (8228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted http://tfl.nu/rfs0
  Replies (98) Good night (1845) Bad night (8480)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer. http://tfl.nu/fxe4
  Replies (31) Good night (400) Bad night (8252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore?? http://tfl.nu/voom
  Replies (42) Good night (846) Bad night (9830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation. http://tfl.nu/o6ey
  Replies (41) Good night (577) Bad night (9918)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1470) Bad night (10346)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf. http://tfl.nu/4l78
  Replies (41) Good night (1457) Bad night (9172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there http://tfl.nu/icqv
  Replies (36) Good night (581) Bad night (9287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?

  (1-661): View more from California

  What the hell did you do last night?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy? (1-661): What the hell did you do last night?! http://tfl.nu/xxav
  Replies (48) Good night (604) Bad night (9533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant http://tfl.nu/i402
  Replies (25) Good night (989) Bad night (10359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him? http://tfl.nu/482n
  Replies (87) Good night (739) Bad night (9686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out http://tfl.nu/gevy
  Replies (63) Good night (800) Bad night (9427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work" http://tfl.nu/x4nq
  Replies (40) Good night (574) Bad night (10212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1022) Bad night (12395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender. http://tfl.nu/r1fg
  Replies (24) Good night (1579) Bad night (10757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious. http://tfl.nu/rnvz
  Replies (50) Good night (750) Bad night (11343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY. http://tfl.nu/v8u7
  Replies (85) Good night (983) Bad night (12128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow... http://tfl.nu/tod7
  Replies (74) Good night (1512) Bad night (11748)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage http://tfl.nu/nrg5
  Replies (39) Good night (916) Bad night (12849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose? http://tfl.nu/qulw
  Replies (111) Good night (922) Bad night (15532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  He went soft

  (631): View more from New York

  Wait. During?

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): He went soft (631): Wait. During? (260): Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH. http://tfl.nu/18lb
  Replies (98) Good night (620) Bad night (15327)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud http://tfl.nu/p0vi
  Replies (44) Good night (1217) Bad night (18049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
  Replies (153) Good night (1627) Bad night (24783)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed. http://tfl.nu/xljx
  Replies (87) Good night (3021) Bad night (30128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found http://tfl.nu/6w2n
  Replies (0) Good night (397) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away. http://tfl.nu/4aee
  Replies (25) Good night (1333) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  That was a long time ago. She needed the money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): That was a long time ago. She needed the money. http://tfl.nu/tglw
  Replies (11) Good night (882) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  At least we don't have one night stands

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  True that. We sink our claws in our men.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): At least we don't have one night stands (1-765): True that. We sink our claws in our men. http://tfl.nu/8zkt
  Replies (8) Good night (2120) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Why are you ignoring all of my texts?

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  The power was out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Why are you ignoring all of my texts? (1-765): The power was out. http://tfl.nu/9x7x
  Replies (17) Good night (916) Bad night (3879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker. (1-765): yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married. http://tfl.nu/4wae
  Replies (21) Good night (489) Bad night (2333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you? http://tfl.nu/4i1p
  Replies (41) Good night (791) Bad night (4050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else. http://tfl.nu/92rk
  Replies (2) Good night (2441) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot. http://tfl.nu/lv0c
  Replies (101) Good night (1309) Bad night (4353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes. http://tfl.nu/hrf7
  Replies (8) Good night (4007) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER. http://tfl.nu/2z74
  Replies (25) Good night (6001) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged http://tfl.nu/je5z
  Replies (8) Good night (841) Bad night (3323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it http://tfl.nu/18g9
  Replies (23) Good night (10621) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/c7jp
  Replies (48) Good night (547) Bad night (5911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud. http://tfl.nu/41vp
  Replies (7) Good night (4313) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this. http://tfl.nu/a7q9
  Replies (28) Good night (1973) Bad night (3500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come. http://tfl.nu/tezg
  Replies (23) Good night (5357) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (78) Good night (29283) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2. http://tfl.nu/m96w
  Replies (84) Good night (26436) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
  Replies (61) Good night (26810) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me http://tfl.nu/ptyo
  Replies (75) Good night (24603) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ. http://tfl.nu/qy75
  Replies (36) Good night (24327) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
  Replies (35) Good night (28683) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang". http://tfl.nu/9dw0
  Replies (66) Good night (24560) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (155) Good night (30021) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (137) Good night (36757) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (73) Good night (38093) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (107) Good night (31250) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (106) Good night (30061) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute. http://tfl.nu/y17n
  Replies (40) Good night (26964) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock. http://tfl.nu/njgo
  Replies (166) Good night (27093) Bad night (2261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx
  Replies (76) Good night (26528) Bad night (1349)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (59) Good night (29314) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra. http://tfl.nu/ga1u
  Replies (66) Good night (26406) Bad night (1434)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti http://tfl.nu/zbwe
  Replies (36) Good night (22113) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (33654) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. http://tfl.nu/nlhf
  Replies (41) Good night (29537) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever. http://tfl.nu/rea8
  Replies (358) Good night (23566) Bad night (6796)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (30703) Bad night (1947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (50) Good night (35015) Bad night (1368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (36355) Bad night (2651)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS. http://tfl.nu/2m4m
  Replies (124) Good night (26721) Bad night (1816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (25446) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903
  Replies (111) Good night (28148) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever. http://tfl.nu/2p77
  Replies (283) Good night (28512) Bad night (12396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home http://tfl.nu/32l0
  Replies (53) Good night (26400) Bad night (2228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41855) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (30382) Bad night (2545)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it http://tfl.nu/8kg8
  Replies (212) Good night (32242) Bad night (1958)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (84) Good night (36452) Bad night (1297)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (114) Good night (44024) Bad night (1631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38044) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (32212) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me. http://tfl.nu/61es
  Replies (97) Good night (30811) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (207) Good night (59254) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (124) Good night (40249) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed? (540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets. http://tfl.nu/2g4o
  Replies (42) Good night (27436) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
  Replies (76) Good night (36283) Bad night (1305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl
  Replies (117) Good night (36149) Bad night (1051)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
  Replies (141) Good night (38522) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars (910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT http://tfl.nu/70k5
  Replies (81) Good night (37964) Bad night (1648)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos. http://tfl.nu/9xke
  Replies (193) Good night (36730) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room. http://tfl.nu/3nsa
  Replies (83) Good night (38097) Bad night (1659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (36845) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  How do you jack off and text at the same time?

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  On my iPhone they have an app for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): How do you jack off and text at the same time? (1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that http://tfl.nu/2tk7
  Replies (84) Good night (30534) Bad night (1480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland. http://tfl.nu/ca0n
  Replies (71) Good night (28627) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
  Replies (76) Good night (49379) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (347) Good night (41958) Bad night (4164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t
  Replies (68) Good night (37822) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49054) Bad night (2222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49126) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud. http://tfl.nu/xhdj
  Replies (49) Good night (45261) Bad night (1015)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (200) Good night (38524) Bad night (2837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (134) Good night (41914) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (42212) Bad night (1636)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (107) Good night (38279) Bad night (1593)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (184) Good night (53948) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (108) Good night (44107) Bad night (2117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh
  Replies (87) Good night (48566) Bad night (2731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (46888) Bad night (1719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (130) Good night (57788) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (52344) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62674) Bad night (2952)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (117) Good night (43647) Bad night (2951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62701) Bad night (3540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting. http://tfl.nu/c1w6
  Replies (139) Good night (42582) Bad night (8882)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (232) Good night (61997) Bad night (2130)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (285) Good night (60328) Bad night (3668)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (199) Good night (82971) Bad night (6405)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (499) Good night (82815) Bad night (7566)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (178) Good night (82698) Bad night (2375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96139) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (87462) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122230) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107955) Bad night (8845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165238) Bad night (6020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (405) Good night (100888) Bad night (8674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal http://tfl.nu/nm22
  Replies (64) Good night (1115) Bad night (5604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/4998
  Replies (41) Good night (1073) Bad night (4143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region? (1-513): The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well. http://tfl.nu/bwog
  Replies (28) Good night (1393) Bad night (5226)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer. http://tfl.nu/t35w
  Replies (22) Good night (4261) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay. http://tfl.nu/m4rp
  Replies (20) Good night (4910) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  is drinking for groundhog day legit?

  (1-484): View more from Pennsylvania

  well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): is drinking for groundhog day legit? (1-484): well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes http://tfl.nu/k04d
  Replies (24) Good night (5904) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself

  (707): View more from California

  dude you teach first grade wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself (707): dude you teach first grade wtf http://tfl.nu/gqyp
  Replies (57) Good night (7741) Bad night (1674)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life http://tfl.nu/pj1v
  Replies (16) Good night (7310) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes http://tfl.nu/edsk
  Replies (31) Good night (8849) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose http://tfl.nu/p9h0
  Replies (32) Good night (12736) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again. http://tfl.nu/7v1u
  Replies (28) Good night (427) Bad night (4648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile. http://tfl.nu/y44t
  Replies (27) Good night (497) Bad night (6787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything http://tfl.nu/13bs
  Replies (49) Good night (572) Bad night (6070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant? http://tfl.nu/9d2p
  Replies (15) Good night (463) Bad night (2899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  "Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): "Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/szr3
  Replies (61) Good night (693) Bad night (10549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well http://tfl.nu/vcbo
  Replies (27) Good night (621) Bad night (4600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled http://tfl.nu/uuon
  Replies (144) Good night (888) Bad night (6308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers. http://tfl.nu/3nnr
  Replies (37) Good night (901) Bad night (5113) Order T-Shirt