Texts From Last Night · bluejasmine's Favorites

Sorry bluegoar5 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

bluejasmine's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

Favorite
(502): View more from Kentucky

I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.

(330): View more from Ohio

Dude what the fuck...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(502): I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer. (330): Dude what the fuck... http://tfl.nu/hphb

Replies (4) Good night (1065) Bad night (154)
Favorite
(507): View more from Minnesota

You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(507): You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air". http://tfl.nu/l9as

Replies (4) Good night (738) Bad night (132) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(870): View more from Arkansas

Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(870): Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious http://tfl.nu/hhr4

Replies (9) Good night (1481) Bad night (156) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(774): View more from Massachusetts

I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(774): I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it. http://tfl.nu/ttfm

Replies (24) Good night (3467) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(914): View more from New York

I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(914): I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj http://tfl.nu/ijru

Replies (5) Good night (1054) Bad night (148) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(602): View more from Arizona

Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(602): Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house? http://tfl.nu/arpl

Replies (13) Good night (3038) Bad night (223)
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging. http://tfl.nu/fmu5

Replies (9) Good night (1726) Bad night (171) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(805): View more from California

WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH

(1-805): View more from California

budget cuts

(805): View more from California

YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS

(1-805): View more from California

budget cuts are serious business

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(805): WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH (1-805): budget cuts (805): YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS (1-805): budget cuts are serious business http://tfl.nu/xrnj

Replies (14) Good night (2977) Bad night (403)
Favorite
(420): View more from

Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(420): Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides. http://tfl.nu/bzue

Replies (5) Good night (1128) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(212): View more from New York

The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(212): The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you. http://tfl.nu/c03k

Replies (9) Good night (1809) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(229): View more from Georgia

He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(229): He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb. http://tfl.nu/1qwr

Replies (4) Good night (1464) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.' http://tfl.nu/qnb2

Replies (3) Good night (532) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(419): View more from Ohio

Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(419): Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate? (1-419): Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly. http://tfl.nu/ok5v

Replies (18) Good night (2548) Bad night (195) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(616): View more from Michigan

My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(616): My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break http://tfl.nu/h428

Replies (3) Good night (1532) Bad night (184) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?

(1-516): View more from New York

I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in? (1-516): I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift. http://tfl.nu/715b

Replies (3) Good night (991) Bad night (191)
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way. http://tfl.nu/bqx1

Replies (4) Good night (1285) Bad night (181) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(973): View more from New Jersey

Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?

(518): View more from New York

I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(973): Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits? (518): I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game http://tfl.nu/j3xf

Replies (5) Good night (1358) Bad night (178)
Favorite
(423): View more from Tennessee

You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(423): You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!! http://tfl.nu/8r5y

Replies (14) Good night (1085) Bad night (224) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(714): View more from California

I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off. http://tfl.nu/39nr

Replies (9) Good night (2456) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(850): View more from Florida

hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

(904): View more from Florida

not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

(850): View more from Florida

i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night? (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"? (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants. http://tfl.nu/wk6x

Replies (33) Good night (20216) Bad night (1686)
Favorite
(909): View more from California

I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(909): I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not http://tfl.nu/br11

Replies (10) Good night (1231) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+44): Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing. http://tfl.nu/5vch

Replies (3) Good night (1607) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited. http://tfl.nu/2tlf

Replies (19) Good night (6318) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(636): View more from Missouri

He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.

(314): View more from Missouri

That was the greatest thing i have ever read.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(636): He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping. (314): That was the greatest thing i have ever read. http://tfl.nu/0exi

Replies (33) Good night (6270) Bad night (1390)
Favorite
(506): View more from New Brunswick

Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(506): Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on http://tfl.nu/ntvw

Replies (8) Good night (5237) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(510): View more from California

Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(510): Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/2xfe

Replies (33) Good night (1446) Bad night (9425) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(646): View more from New York

I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(646): I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York. http://tfl.nu/ptqc

Replies (34) Good night (7399) Bad night (431)
Favorite
(650): View more from California

I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(650): I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-) http://tfl.nu/fk4n

Replies (13) Good night (1543) Bad night (317) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(613): View more from Ontario

I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(613): I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.." http://tfl.nu/n3mo

Replies (4) Good night (2891) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(661): View more from California

Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC

(831): View more from California

Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(661): Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC (831): Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown. http://tfl.nu/up2g

Replies (43) Good night (9595) Bad night (568)
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed. http://tfl.nu/vt40

Replies (4) Good night (861) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(501): View more from Arkansas

Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(501): Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill? http://tfl.nu/quyz

Replies (11) Good night (1196) Bad night (359)
Favorite
(601): View more from Mississippi

He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(601): He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle. http://tfl.nu/m2od

Replies (11) Good night (1874) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(716): View more from New York

I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(716): I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life... http://tfl.nu/ae71

Replies (5) Good night (522) Bad night (1094)
Favorite
(770): View more from Georgia

He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(770): He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days? http://tfl.nu/yt8d

Replies (12) Good night (1013) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share. http://tfl.nu/wq4n

Replies (7) Good night (1667) Bad night (722)
Favorite
(603): View more from New Hampshire

you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(603): you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker http://tfl.nu/4u00

Replies (16) Good night (1445) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(920): View more from Wisconsin

We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(920): We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like http://tfl.nu/fep0

Replies (18) Good night (2843) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(403): Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate. http://tfl.nu/jnzf

Replies (10) Good night (2138) Bad night (388)
Favorite
(816): View more from Missouri

We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(816): We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have. http://tfl.nu/xov4

Replies (9) Good night (1507) Bad night (216)
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of. http://tfl.nu/wzwb

Replies (4) Good night (1043) Bad night (223) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(407): View more from Florida

Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(407): Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people. http://tfl.nu/19v1

Replies (12) Good night (1441) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke http://tfl.nu/9cxf

Replies (1) Good night (1127) Bad night (220) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(905): View more from Ontario

today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(905): today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag http://tfl.nu/a7zv

Replies (4) Good night (1198) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(858): View more from California

WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.

(760): View more from California

You're High aren't you?

(858): View more from California

Sooooo high

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(858): WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service. (760): You're High aren't you? (858): Sooooo high http://tfl.nu/byvy

Replies (11) Good night (2517) Bad night (184)
Favorite
(+61): View more from Australia

I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+61): I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane. http://tfl.nu/dlou

Replies (20) Good night (3195) Bad night (238)
Favorite
(875): View more from

I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(875): I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant. http://tfl.nu/vus0

Replies (16) Good night (775) Bad night (210) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(262): View more from Wisconsin

the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(262): the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here? http://tfl.nu/0zqj

Replies (12) Good night (1680) Bad night (237)
Favorite
(562): View more from California

I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(562): I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you http://tfl.nu/q7ed

Replies (6) Good night (1049) Bad night (270)
Favorite
(509): View more from Washington

Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(509): Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills? http://tfl.nu/9geb

Replies (5) Good night (913) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(217): View more from Illinois

I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(217): I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet? http://tfl.nu/vpwn

Replies (9) Good night (1151) Bad night (269) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(701): View more from North Dakota

Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(701): Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic http://tfl.nu/rfl3

Replies (5) Good night (2153) Bad night (207) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(513): View more from Ohio

i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(513): i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution http://tfl.nu/2azu

Replies (3) Good night (839) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often. http://tfl.nu/fdr3

Replies (4) Good night (1661) Bad night (195) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(406): View more from Montana

You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(406): You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways http://tfl.nu/cne1

Replies (6) Good night (413) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(705): View more from Ontario

Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3

Replies (21) Good night (5885) Bad night (516)
Favorite
(226): View more from Ontario

This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(226): This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon http://tfl.nu/4pbx

Replies (43) Good night (13031) Bad night (1451) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(423): View more from Tennessee

The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(423): The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while... http://tfl.nu/ie7g

Replies (4) Good night (1387) Bad night (179) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house http://tfl.nu/z7wf

Replies (5) Good night (1386) Bad night (213) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(928): View more from Arizona

I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(928): I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now. http://tfl.nu/gaaz

Replies (29) Good night (2884) Bad night (265)
Favorite
(801): View more from Utah

Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(801): Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card. http://tfl.nu/l3ra

Replies (5) Good night (1135) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(520): View more from Arizona

He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(520): He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA? http://tfl.nu/u8oz

Replies (4) Good night (540) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(252): View more from North Carolina

He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(252): He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it. http://tfl.nu/4vqb

Replies (7) Good night (1387) Bad night (260)
Favorite
(774): View more from Massachusetts

omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....

(774): View more from Massachusetts

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(774): omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore.... (774): HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance http://tfl.nu/0qjd

Replies (4) Good night (1444) Bad night (368)
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him http://tfl.nu/vd38

Replies (10) Good night (1574) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(715): View more from Wisconsin

All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(715): All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever http://tfl.nu/1qjr

Replies (3) Good night (347) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(702): View more from Nevada

Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(702): Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom. http://tfl.nu/ihoh

Replies (25) Good night (2758) Bad night (259) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(717): Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself. http://tfl.nu/4nxp

Replies (10) Good night (1665) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(310): View more from California

True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(310): True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant? http://tfl.nu/aiag

Replies (6) Good night (827) Bad night (1344) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(636): View more from Missouri

You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(636): You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults. http://tfl.nu/yz23

Replies (3) Good night (1757) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk http://tfl.nu/c9us

Replies (10) Good night (1608) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing. http://tfl.nu/j9h2

Replies (16) Good night (1366) Bad night (269) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(985): View more from Louisiana

Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.

(1-985): View more from Louisiana

Do I have a choice?

(985): View more from Louisiana

I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(985): Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response. (1-985): Do I have a choice? (985): I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again. http://tfl.nu/kt0k

Replies (13) Good night (2345) Bad night (273)
Favorite
(202): View more from Washington, DC

I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(202): I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery. (202): That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics. http://tfl.nu/1mv0

Replies (28) Good night (2452) Bad night (656)
Favorite
(318): View more from Louisiana

Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(318): Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head. http://tfl.nu/6vvp

Replies (7) Good night (1730) Bad night (191) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(260): View more from Indiana

Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(260): Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed. http://tfl.nu/ajvn

Replies (4) Good night (1848) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(651): View more from Minnesota

You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(651): You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out. http://tfl.nu/2o8m

Replies (5) Good night (1771) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.

(404): View more from Georgia

Everyone is cheering

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire. (404): Everyone is cheering http://tfl.nu/wh9k

Replies (4) Good night (1612) Bad night (416)
Favorite
(415): View more from California

my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(415): my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked http://tfl.nu/w9k0

Replies (7) Good night (2246) Bad night (215) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights. http://tfl.nu/79ia

Replies (4) Good night (1462) Bad night (272) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese

(312): View more from Illinois

Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?

(630): View more from Illinois

I love you bro

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese (312): Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard? (630): I love you bro http://tfl.nu/jz3g

Replies (10) Good night (2842) Bad night (258)
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.

(1-503): View more from Oregon

THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal. (1-503): THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO http://tfl.nu/95vh

Replies (10) Good night (2240) Bad night (290)
Favorite
(716): View more from New York

She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(716): She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked http://tfl.nu/7qkm

Replies (4) Good night (1349) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(720): View more from Colorado

You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(720): You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no http://tfl.nu/o8fg

Replies (3) Good night (1961) Bad night (297)
Favorite
(205): View more from Alabama

I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(205): I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment. http://tfl.nu/97ug

Replies (4) Good night (1511) Bad night (270) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(310): View more from California

Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?

(626): View more from California

That's two questions.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(310): Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away? (626): That's two questions. http://tfl.nu/0koe

Replies (4) Good night (1395) Bad night (552)
Favorite
(816): View more from Missouri

Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.

(816): View more from Missouri

I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(816): Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night. (816): I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it. http://tfl.nu/9xew

Replies (5) Good night (1335) Bad night (417)
Favorite
(802): View more from Vermont

He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(802): He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass. http://tfl.nu/9wu9

Replies (23) Good night (2172) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(785): View more from Kansas

I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(785): I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well http://tfl.nu/c3um

Replies (19) Good night (1475) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(248): View more from Michigan

If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(248): If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend. http://tfl.nu/2nlp

Replies (2) Good night (1659) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(248): View more from Michigan

Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(248): Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend. http://tfl.nu/0gh5

Replies (10) Good night (3024) Bad night (311) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library. http://tfl.nu/8dpw

Replies (2) Good night (902) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(832): i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night. http://tfl.nu/81zt

Replies (12) Good night (1833) Bad night (198) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(515): View more from Iowa

P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(515): P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready http://tfl.nu/rgh6

Replies (15) Good night (1447) Bad night (1001)
Favorite
(206): View more from Washington

Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(206): Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/pnkf

Replies (4) Good night (1685) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(914): View more from New York

I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(914): I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed. http://tfl.nu/j5xb

Replies (6) Good night (1196) Bad night (266) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(520): View more from Arizona

Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.

(1-520): View more from Arizona

I can pencil you in at 3:30

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(520): Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk. (1-520): I can pencil you in at 3:30 http://tfl.nu/ztyv

Replies (7) Good night (2538) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(570): God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today. http://tfl.nu/74x0

Replies (5) Good night (835) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(224): View more from Illinois

My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

(312): View more from Illinois

Elaborate

(224): View more from Illinois

Strip Mario-Kart

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(224): My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream. (312): Elaborate (224): Strip Mario-Kart http://tfl.nu/xw36

Replies (11) Good night (2135) Bad night (256)
Favorite
(204): View more from Manitoba

I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(204): I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now http://tfl.nu/tcbl

Replies (2) Good night (1015) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(208): View more from Idaho

so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(208): so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate. http://tfl.nu/25ho

Replies (17) Good night (4247) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(802): View more from Vermont

I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.

(1-802): View more from Vermont

I hope you fall on your chin.

(802): View more from Vermont

Jealousy makes you ugly.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(802): I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore. (1-802): I hope you fall on your chin. (802): Jealousy makes you ugly. http://tfl.nu/isvw

Replies (14) Good night (2003) Bad night (373)
Favorite
(510): View more from California

You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(510): You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock... http://tfl.nu/jcau

Replies (236) Good night (650) Bad night (3482) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend. http://tfl.nu/ouub

Replies (14) Good night (2059) Bad night (583)
Favorite
(478): View more from Georgia

Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(478): Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy. http://tfl.nu/ujmz

Replies (15) Good night (2920) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(775): View more from Nevada

Nobody in the ambulance liked me...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(775): Nobody in the ambulance liked me... http://tfl.nu/5rji

Replies (11) Good night (483) Bad night (1348) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher

(312): View more from Illinois

And maybe a life coach?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher (312): And maybe a life coach? http://tfl.nu/dluc

Replies (2) Good night (1783) Bad night (349)
Favorite
(678): View more from Georgia

Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?

(404): View more from Georgia

Things like this can't be explained over text man

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(678): Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning? (404): Things like this can't be explained over text man http://tfl.nu/zzxh

Replies (22) Good night (3873) Bad night (774)
Favorite
(413): View more from Massachusetts

Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(413): Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion. http://tfl.nu/ppkx

Replies (6) Good night (1966) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(403): All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/dlqr

Replies (22) Good night (3290) Bad night (248) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(765): View more from Indiana

We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(765): We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often... http://tfl.nu/m3tb

Replies (3) Good night (1665) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(514): View more from Quebec

He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(514): He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why http://tfl.nu/b6q6

Replies (10) Good night (564) Bad night (2196) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(760): View more from California

Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(760): Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it! http://tfl.nu/qsog

Replies (10) Good night (1876) Bad night (325)
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina. http://tfl.nu/mqdf

Replies (8) Good night (1154) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(267): They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment. http://tfl.nu/jokz

Replies (3) Good night (1718) Bad night (240) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(484): Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with? http://tfl.nu/xos6

Replies (9) Good night (1527) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(306): Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out? http://tfl.nu/y1by

Replies (5) Good night (2110) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(609): View more from New Jersey

Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule

(856): View more from New Jersey

Lmao sorry

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(609): Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule (856): Lmao sorry http://tfl.nu/mr80

Replies (2) Good night (1628) Bad night (359)
Favorite
(218): View more from Minnesota

You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(218): You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears. http://tfl.nu/cuw5

Replies (24) Good night (3714) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(402): View more from Nebraska

On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(402): On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever. http://tfl.nu/nvjj

Replies (21) Good night (3213) Bad night (689)
Favorite
(647): View more from Ontario

Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.

(416): View more from Toronto

I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(647): Think I pulled my pelvic muscle. (416): I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle. http://tfl.nu/mzl9

Replies (6) Good night (1643) Bad night (336)
Favorite
(905): View more from Ontario

I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(905): I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn". http://tfl.nu/2c8a

Replies (6) Good night (1825) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(641): View more from Iowa

You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(641): You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid. http://tfl.nu/bnv7

Replies (18) Good night (937) Bad night (3526)
Favorite
(714): View more from California

It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you. http://tfl.nu/6jll

Replies (11) Good night (1696) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(715): View more from Wisconsin

An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(715): An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all. http://tfl.nu/7eme

Replies (12) Good night (3283) Bad night (369)
Favorite
(770): View more from Georgia

Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.

(504): View more from Louisiana

A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(770): Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers. (504): A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome. http://tfl.nu/wa4b

Replies (3) Good night (1777) Bad night (292)
Favorite
(360): View more from Washington

You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(360): You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/13cn

Replies (4) Good night (2510) Bad night (307) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

Disregard the shoes in the freezer.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): Disregard the shoes in the freezer. http://tfl.nu/ak94

Replies (5) Good night (1350) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess http://tfl.nu/dqew

Replies (15) Good night (1233) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(239): View more from Florida

Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.

(801): View more from Utah

Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(239): Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down. (801): Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible. http://tfl.nu/w6b2

Replies (5) Good night (1750) Bad night (301)
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike. http://tfl.nu/0ndc

Replies (15) Good night (461) Bad night (1392) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears. http://tfl.nu/nh7v

Replies (15) Good night (3321) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(423): View more from Tennessee

She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(423): She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride" http://tfl.nu/esrx

Replies (11) Good night (2540) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(813): View more from Florida

I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(813): I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business??? http://tfl.nu/t2g2

Replies (22) Good night (4882) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(607): View more from New York

How was dinner with ur grandparents?

(1-607): View more from New York

I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(607): How was dinner with ur grandparents? (1-607) I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana." http://tfl.nu/9nup

Replies (18) Good night (1147) Bad night (6312)
Favorite
(360): View more from Washington

Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.

(253): View more from Washington

you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(360): Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone. (253): you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker. http://tfl.nu/ov6f

Replies (3) Good night (2144) Bad night (737)
Favorite
(217): View more from Illinois

Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(217): Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up? http://tfl.nu/08g9

Replies (7) Good night (3865) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(513): View more from Ohio

I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(513): I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate. http://tfl.nu/sg11

Replies (4) Good night (513) Bad night (1465) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(506): View more from New Brunswick

Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(506): Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident http://tfl.nu/1apo

Replies (7) Good night (1179) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(727): View more from Florida

If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(727): If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take. http://tfl.nu/cnz2

Replies (10) Good night (568) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(956): View more from Texas

The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(956): The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging. http://tfl.nu/1enr

Replies (17) Good night (610) Bad night (3433) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(352): View more from Florida

I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(352): I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle. http://tfl.nu/6oed

Replies (15) Good night (2820) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(905): View more from Ontario

Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(905): Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass. http://tfl.nu/tco3

Replies (9) Good night (3879) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council. http://tfl.nu/w0zb

Replies (7) Good night (2469) Bad night (364)
Favorite
(604): View more from British Columbia

You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(604): You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude.. http://tfl.nu/bx2g

Replies (6) Good night (2449) Bad night (356)
Favorite
(636): View more from Missouri

A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf

Replies (30) Good night (18887) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(857): View more from Massachusetts

I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars? http://tfl.nu/0mdx

Replies (56) Good night (25369) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(971): View more from Oregon

I have two black x marks on my hands.

(503): View more from Oregon

Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

(971): View more from Oregon

damnit I wish I could remember that.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a

Replies (58) Good night (25444) Bad night (973)
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg

Replies (285) Good night (60321) Bad night (3668)
Favorite
(510): View more from California

he said he didn't have a condom.

(415): View more from California

and you said?

(510): View more from California

that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76

Replies (298) Good night (96127) Bad night (5008)
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0

Replies (1608) Good night (161228) Bad night (40082) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(348): View more from

Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.

(1-348): View more from

You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(348): Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place. (1-348): You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion. http://tfl.nu/i2j4

Replies (5) Good night (2923) Bad night (341)
Favorite
(773): View more from Illinois

in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(773): in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already. http://tfl.nu/yc7m

Replies (9) Good night (1528) Bad night (408)
Favorite
(646): View more from New York

How was the rest of your night?

(917): View more from New York City

A little fuzzy and a lot naked.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(646): How was the rest of your night? (917): A little fuzzy and a lot naked. http://tfl.nu/r63c

Replies (7) Good night (1933) Bad night (305)
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina. http://tfl.nu/djvg

Replies (7) Good night (2355) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(214): View more from Texas

you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(214): you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more. http://tfl.nu/8xes

Replies (3) Good night (1868) Bad night (326)
Favorite
(312): View more from Illinois

I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.

(224): View more from Illinois

Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(312): I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks. (224): Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however. http://tfl.nu/lo15

Replies (8) Good night (1713) Bad night (348)
Favorite
(216): View more from Ohio

I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit

(216): View more from Ohio

There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(216): I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit (216): There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash. http://tfl.nu/emo5

Replies (6) Good night (2938) Bad night (320)
Favorite
(770): View more from Georgia

you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.

(678): View more from Georgia

THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(770): you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why. (678): THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH. http://tfl.nu/cex4

Replies (18) Good night (2583) Bad night (362)
Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card http://tfl.nu/flh6

Replies (27) Good night (3135) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(218): View more from Minnesota

You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(218): You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes. http://tfl.nu/x3hi

Replies (8) Good night (1647) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(712): View more from Iowa

That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(712): That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time" http://tfl.nu/be6i

Replies (11) Good night (3934) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(772): View more from Florida

You're fine

(585): View more from New York

I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(772): You're fine (585): I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine. http://tfl.nu/gnen

Replies (4) Good night (1323) Bad night (610)
Favorite
(435): View more from Utah

For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(435): For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job http://tfl.nu/nykr

Replies (6) Good night (1907) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(770): View more from Georgia

Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(770): Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay. http://tfl.nu/tpqf

Replies (25) Good night (5434) Bad night (421)
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice http://tfl.nu/gs1d

Replies (6) Good night (981) Bad night (1502)
Favorite
(914): View more from New York

Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(914): Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face. http://tfl.nu/vgja

Replies (12) Good night (2976) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(774): View more from Massachusetts

How was your weekend?

(508): View more from Massachusetts

The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(774): How was your weekend? (508): The sex was so good. It hurts to exist. http://tfl.nu/pe42

Replies (3) Good night (2760) Bad night (370)
Favorite
(818): View more from California

I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(818): I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job. http://tfl.nu/0hbs

Replies (13) Good night (2239) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(304): View more from West Virginia

I love you more than champagne and correct grammar

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(304): I love you more than champagne and correct grammar http://tfl.nu/3165

Replies (18) Good night (3412) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ? http://tfl.nu/856o

Replies (12) Good night (1464) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(682): View more from Texas

I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(682): I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face http://tfl.nu/zwwu

Replies (16) Good night (4843) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(814): you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door. http://tfl.nu/6ofj

Replies (19) Good night (5726) Bad night (538)
Favorite
(518): View more from New York

I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(518): I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex http://tfl.nu/h730

Replies (9) Good night (2391) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(253): View more from Washington

At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(253): At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets. http://tfl.nu/s5np

Replies (9) Good night (3326) Bad night (327)
Favorite
(631): View more from New York

Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(631): Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions. http://tfl.nu/8mk0

Replies (10) Good night (1353) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(614): View more from Ohio

He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(614): He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant. http://tfl.nu/hs4h

Replies (22) Good night (4068) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): At what point would you like us to save you from yourself? http://tfl.nu/30aa

Replies (3) Good night (1674) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(951): View more from California

I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(951): I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting. http://tfl.nu/326h

Replies (6) Good night (1561) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(216): View more from Ohio

I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(216): I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested. http://tfl.nu/d2mk

Replies (11) Good night (548) Bad night (3028) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(416): View more from Toronto

I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home

(647): View more from Ontario

Was he satisfied?

(416): View more from Toronto

No, and very vocal about it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home (647): Was he satisfied? (416): No, and very vocal about it. http://tfl.nu/h3jb

Replies (8) Good night (2178) Bad night (521)
Favorite
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(814): You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done. http://tfl.nu/ojtz

Replies (31) Good night (2557) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(253): View more from Washington

they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(253): they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest. http://tfl.nu/yx0q

Replies (19) Good night (3499) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(739): View more from

The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(739): The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/v9ao

Replies (13) Good night (3019) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(508): View more from Massachusetts

$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(508): $100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me. http://tfl.nu/si9y

Replies (16) Good night (2139) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(402): View more from Nebraska

He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(402): He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it. http://tfl.nu/81z6

Replies (21) Good night (2405) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(408): View more from California

She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit

(1-408): View more from California

I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(408): She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit (1-408): I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards http://tfl.nu/ssrb

Replies (9) Good night (1538) Bad night (424)
Favorite
(805): View more from California

You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.

(1-805): View more from California

watch me

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(805): You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard. (1-805): watch me http://tfl.nu/8h24

Replies (16) Good night (3295) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake http://tfl.nu/df0e

Replies (9) Good night (2127) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(860): View more from Connecticut

you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

peace be with you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(860): you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice (1-860): peace be with you. http://tfl.nu/ffop

Replies (3) Good night (1875) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(615): View more from Tennessee

id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(615): id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour. http://tfl.nu/zhs1

Replies (4) Good night (2192) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(413): View more from Massachusetts

Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(413): Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun. http://tfl.nu/n06t

Replies (8) Good night (2418) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(518): View more from New York

#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(518): #1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE http://tfl.nu/txty

Replies (15) Good night (3548) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

Guess what happened to me today at work?

(1-734): View more from Michigan

I have chlamydia. What happened.

(734): View more from Michigan

Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): Guess what happened to me today at work? (1-734): I have chlamydia. What happened. (734): Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second. http://tfl.nu/rf53

Replies (11) Good night (2264) Bad night (926)
Favorite
(502): View more from Kentucky

Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(502): Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not? http://tfl.nu/b1wq

Replies (47) Good night (4620) Bad night (943)
Favorite
(512): View more from Texas

i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(512): i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me. http://tfl.nu/wgh1

Replies (11) Good night (1786) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(780): Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses http://tfl.nu/pn1w

Replies (24) Good night (1791) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(225): View more from Louisiana

my head hurts. i need an adult

(225): View more from Louisiana

and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(225): my head hurts. i need an adult (225): and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult http://tfl.nu/wl1h

Replies (4) Good night (1647) Bad night (395)
Favorite
(309): View more from Illinois

We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(309): We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/cot7

Replies (25) Good night (5497) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+61): View more from Australia

i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+61): i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history.. http://tfl.nu/iskw

Replies (9) Good night (1833) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore." http://tfl.nu/zlen

Replies (22) Good night (3353) Bad night (1463)
Favorite
(541): View more from Oregon

im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(541): im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more http://tfl.nu/azy4

Replies (9) Good night (2786) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(517): View more from Michigan

Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(517): Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B. http://tfl.nu/djpk

Replies (12) Good night (2389) Bad night (1219)
Favorite
(914): View more from New York

He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(914): He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away. http://tfl.nu/k6q1

Replies (13) Good night (5706) Bad night (386)
Favorite
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(267): dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure http://tfl.nu/1m9t

Replies (23) Good night (3367) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(403): also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy. http://tfl.nu/tn0z

Replies (15) Good night (3402) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(803): View more from South Carolina

I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(803): I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it. http://tfl.nu/1xwb

Replies (12) Good night (3959) Bad night (441)
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.

(1-845): View more from New York

she is way to in-touch with her childhood

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside. (1-845): she is way to in-touch with her childhood http://tfl.nu/m5xk

Replies (10) Good night (1930) Bad night (878)
Favorite
(903): View more from Texas

Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(903): Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere. http://tfl.nu/srvw

Replies (9) Good night (3176) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(403): You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something? http://tfl.nu/hj44

Replies (16) Good night (4151) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(979): View more from Texas

I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(979): I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after http://tfl.nu/y0mb

Replies (8) Good night (4260) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(401): View more from Rhode Island

i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(401): i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree http://tfl.nu/su4s

Replies (3) Good night (1717) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(702): View more from Nevada

As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(702): As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar http://tfl.nu/w8o7

Replies (10) Good night (2561) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(204): View more from Manitoba

New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(204): New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us. http://tfl.nu/chty

Replies (10) Good night (5366) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(323): View more from California

It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(323): It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent http://tfl.nu/xdm3

Replies (12) Good night (2494) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(484): during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me' http://tfl.nu/06rz

Replies (7) Good night (5630) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(443): View more from Maryland

Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(443): Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version? http://tfl.nu/d18m

Replies (5) Good night (1512) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(619): View more from California

After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(619): After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation. http://tfl.nu/dnza

Replies (10) Good night (2752) Bad night (460)
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right? http://tfl.nu/zwo3

Replies (14) Good night (2523) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(206): View more from Washington

Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(206): Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :) http://tfl.nu/j8zz

Replies (20) Good night (3503) Bad night (423)
Favorite
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(902): it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be? http://tfl.nu/eobh

Replies (12) Good night (2972) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(443): View more from Maryland

There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(443): There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse. http://tfl.nu/gbkz

Replies (3) Good night (487) Bad night (1471) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(207): View more from Maine

I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(207): I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg. http://tfl.nu/2hwi

Replies (11) Good night (2206) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(413): View more from Massachusetts

Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(413): Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option) http://tfl.nu/d3t6

Replies (13) Good night (3716) Bad night (424)
Favorite
(774): View more from Massachusetts

Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(774): Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18. http://tfl.nu/z1g3

Replies (14) Good night (3093) Bad night (433)
Favorite
(860): View more from Connecticut

We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(860): We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no" http://tfl.nu/13gy

Replies (7) Good night (2130) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(832): You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it. http://tfl.nu/3ywv

Replies (24) Good night (5074) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again? http://tfl.nu/p959

Replies (14) Good night (4287) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(626): View more from California

He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(626): He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex. http://tfl.nu/kqx4

Replies (7) Good night (3333) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it. http://tfl.nu/tp8b

Replies (6) Good night (3539) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(289): View more from Ontario

Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger. http://tfl.nu/9mbe

Replies (17) Good night (4904) Bad night (607)
Favorite
(972): View more from Texas

I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.

(214): View more from Texas

Does it taste like semen?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(972): I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it. (214): Does it taste like semen? http://tfl.nu/qasv

Replies (10) Good night (3835) Bad night (964)
Favorite
(678): View more from Georgia

Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(678): Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out http://tfl.nu/g5nx

Replies (9) Good night (3973) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(402): View more from Nebraska

You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(402): You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement. http://tfl.nu/xw5k

Replies (14) Good night (4076) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

Hopefully she would park on my face.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there. (1-919): Hopefully she would park on my face. http://tfl.nu/4722

Replies (21) Good night (5846) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week? http://tfl.nu/361o

Replies (12) Good night (3702) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(502): View more from Kentucky

dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(502): dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk. http://tfl.nu/y7ij

Replies (6) Good night (2814) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(381): View more from

I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(381): I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore. http://tfl.nu/l0iw

Replies (15) Good night (1116) Bad night (3003) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis. http://tfl.nu/tjtk

Replies (4) Good night (917) Bad night (1585) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(973): View more from New Jersey

He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(973): He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird. http://tfl.nu/n9dq

Replies (16) Good night (4311) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(863): View more from Florida

There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(863): There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent. http://tfl.nu/g0ez

Replies (21) Good night (6544) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(802): View more from Vermont

She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(802): She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there. http://tfl.nu/44mo

Replies (12) Good night (6496) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(570): Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/7z3e

Replies (8) Good night (2778) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(856): View more from New Jersey

my self respect just called, its having a good time without me

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(856): my self respect just called, its having a good time without me http://tfl.nu/iprn

Replies (9) Good night (2735) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(901): View more from Tennessee

Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(901): Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable http://tfl.nu/jd9a

Replies (12) Good night (6745) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(336): View more from North Carolina

I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(336): I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/vg1w

Replies (10) Good night (2479) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(805): View more from California

I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5

Replies (45) Good night (9268) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(904): View more from Florida

Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(904): Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke? http://tfl.nu/8orw

Replies (19) Good night (3580) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(250): View more from British Columbia

Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(250): Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment. http://tfl.nu/7c81

Replies (10) Good night (969) Bad night (1951) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(715): View more from Wisconsin

My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(715): My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either http://tfl.nu/7c24

Replies (7) Good night (2723) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(206): View more from Washington

And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(206): And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music http://tfl.nu/tzqo

Replies (7) Good night (2442) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(608): View more from Wisconsin

all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(608): all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!'' http://tfl.nu/g7vx

Replies (22) Good night (6625) Bad night (556)
Favorite
(989): View more from Michigan

Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(989): Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am. http://tfl.nu/mfa3

Replies (16) Good night (4655) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(210): View more from Texas

Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(210): Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad http://tfl.nu/hc4q

Replies (9) Good night (3553) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us

(847): View more from Illinois

You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us (847): You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high. http://tfl.nu/59an

Replies (6) Good night (2390) Bad night (1012)
Favorite
(831): View more from California

Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(831): Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot. http://tfl.nu/f3j9

Replies (19) Good night (6047) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(903): View more from Texas

If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(903): If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis. http://tfl.nu/5wmm

Replies (27) Good night (5307) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

I drank myself into bisexuality again.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): I drank myself into bisexuality again. http://tfl.nu/eg45

Replies (16) Good night (5786) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.

(305): View more from Florida

Did you save them?

(404): View more from Georgia

Who?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning. (305): Did you save them? (404): Who? http://tfl.nu/1xdf

Replies (28) Good night (5179) Bad night (904)
Favorite
(647): View more from Ontario

You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(647): You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost http://tfl.nu/e5ly

Replies (4) Good night (2797) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over. http://tfl.nu/878e

Replies (40) Good night (1330) Bad night (6968) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second

(631): View more from New York

i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second (631): i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead http://tfl.nu/vulg

Replies (28) Good night (3533) Bad night (593)
Favorite
(402): View more from Nebraska

I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(402): I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew. http://tfl.nu/1b9c

Replies (28) Good night (7644) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(870): View more from Arkansas

She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(870): She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again... http://tfl.nu/jy0r

Replies (17) Good night (4556) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(205): View more from Alabama

I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(205): I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy. http://tfl.nu/rek5

Replies (15) Good night (3703) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/q55a

Replies (11) Good night (4992) Bad night (1662) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(443): View more from Maryland

her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(443): her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does" http://tfl.nu/16y8

Replies (15) Good night (1327) Bad night (6050) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring. http://tfl.nu/m3s5

Replies (5) Good night (659) Bad night (4125) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(972): View more from Texas

It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(972): It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians. http://tfl.nu/8vkd

Replies (18) Good night (4451) Bad night (1325) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(757): View more from Virginia

You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(757): You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis" http://tfl.nu/xzec

Replies (27) Good night (7927) Bad night (1342) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid http://tfl.nu/hxiy

Replies (22) Good night (744) Bad night (4282) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes http://tfl.nu/11ee

Replies (13) Good night (1782) Bad night (2695) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way. http://tfl.nu/5f04

Replies (8) Good night (4583) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(708): View more from Illinois

youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd

Replies (31) Good night (10513) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(571): View more from Virginia

i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(571): i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things http://tfl.nu/ommx

Replies (30) Good night (1857) Bad night (3507) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(434): View more from Virginia

He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(434): He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears. http://tfl.nu/acnv

Replies (41) Good night (11954) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(631): View more from New York

well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(631): well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore http://tfl.nu/6gwp

Replies (10) Good night (4122) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(816): View more from Missouri

I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg

Replies (42) Good night (11694) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(715): View more from Wisconsin

I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(715): I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting. http://tfl.nu/jzvn

Replies (26) Good night (4865) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH. http://tfl.nu/5zhv

Replies (21) Good night (6830) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you. http://tfl.nu/a558

Replies (9) Good night (4643) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(401): View more from Rhode Island

I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(401): I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first http://tfl.nu/owtg

Replies (24) Good night (5938) Bad night (893)
Favorite
(+33): View more from France

On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+33): On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..." http://tfl.nu/o65f

Replies (26) Good night (7290) Bad night (1028)
Favorite
(401): View more from Rhode Island

She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(401): She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough. http://tfl.nu/js6s

Replies (19) Good night (5491) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(806): View more from Texas

You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

(1-806): View more from Texas

Best pick-up line ever!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf

Replies (35) Good night (9197) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up". http://tfl.nu/5shs

Replies (39) Good night (10643) Bad night (1448)
Favorite
(650): View more from California

Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(650): Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th http://tfl.nu/8el9

Replies (16) Good night (1814) Bad night (4153) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(440): View more from Ohio

Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"

(1-440): View more from Ohio

Perfectly normal.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(440): Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?" (1-440): Perfectly normal. http://tfl.nu/lsmy

Replies (14) Good night (6140) Bad night (694)
Favorite
(760): View more from California

when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(760): when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice. http://tfl.nu/5xpe

Replies (21) Good night (6887) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(310): View more from California

so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(310): so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out. http://tfl.nu/anew

Replies (22) Good night (8279) Bad night (902)
Favorite
(480): View more from Arizona

Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

(774): View more from Massachusetts

Someone just got laid.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q

Replies (17) Good night (8717) Bad night (852)
Favorite
(651): View more from Minnesota

I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(651): I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl? http://tfl.nu/nlrb

Replies (37) Good night (6219) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(813): View more from Florida

my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx

Replies (63) Good night (9071) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

But I thought everyone had breakup sex?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): But I thought everyone had breakup sex? http://tfl.nu/04j7

Replies (24) Good night (4848) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(219): View more from Indiana

By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(219): By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone http://tfl.nu/czmq

Replies (8) Good night (3771) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(716): View more from New York

she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(716): she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you" http://tfl.nu/sv8k

Replies (41) Good night (4139) Bad night (8413) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(757): View more from Virginia

I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(757): I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want... http://tfl.nu/xmvr

Replies (35) Good night (7145) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(530): View more from California

I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(530): I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me http://tfl.nu/rrqt

Replies (23) Good night (6250) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(908): View more from New Jersey

You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

I'll google it

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(908): You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time (1-908): I'll google it http://tfl.nu/bsan

Replies (22) Good night (4715) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(585): View more from New York

Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

(518): View more from New York

It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88

Replies (27) Good night (8740) Bad night (790)
Favorite
(617): View more from Massachusetts

I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(617): I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker http://tfl.nu/yzaq

Replies (25) Good night (6099) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(609): View more from New Jersey

I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(609): I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied http://tfl.nu/rkdz

Replies (18) Good night (742) Bad night (3823)
Favorite
(515): View more from Iowa

So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(515): So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry. http://tfl.nu/0btw

Replies (13) Good night (8360) Bad night (713)
Favorite
(773): View more from Illinois

I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(773): I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics http://tfl.nu/o0a3

Replies (21) Good night (6005) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(484): I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation" http://tfl.nu/sb0g

Replies (19) Good night (7262) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(401): View more from Rhode Island

His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(401): His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old http://tfl.nu/b9xq

Replies (33) Good night (8024) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

he even offered to make my bed in the morning.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(215): he even offered to make my bed in the morning. http://tfl.nu/d13v

Replies (37) Good night (7907) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(256): View more from Alabama

FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(256): FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation. http://tfl.nu/7b12

Replies (28) Good night (1037) Bad night (7118) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(780): No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better http://tfl.nu/pitl

Replies (42) Good night (7178) Bad night (1808) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(604): View more from British Columbia

Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(604): Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling. http://tfl.nu/zskd

Replies (14) Good night (6846) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(816): View more from Missouri

I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(816): I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right?? http://tfl.nu/udb6

Replies (31) Good night (7457) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(803): View more from South Carolina

It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(803): It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/hg6l

Replies (37) Good night (8875) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(647): View more from Ontario

all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

(905): View more from Ontario

You're fat. Stop making excuses

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk

Replies (69) Good night (12290) Bad night (4896)
Favorite
(409): View more from Texas

He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(409): He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this' http://tfl.nu/libu

Replies (15) Good night (5137) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary. http://tfl.nu/0qxf

Replies (19) Good night (2436) Bad night (5401)
Favorite
(925): View more from California

don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

(510): View more from California

big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(925): don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement (510): big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault. http://tfl.nu/lnx0

Replies (11) Good night (6106) Bad night (769)
Favorite
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(832): Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank. http://tfl.nu/gxu8

Replies (10) Good night (4804) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(516): View more from New York

id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(516): id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though http://tfl.nu/r22j

Replies (8) Good night (5654) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job http://tfl.nu/ki5a

Replies (45) Good night (4365) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+44): That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar http://tfl.nu/aq1i

Replies (11) Good night (4269) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(240): View more from Maryland

I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you. http://tfl.nu/xn7n

Replies (40) Good night (10799) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(209): View more from California

Responsibility does not care about your dick.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(209): Responsibility does not care about your dick. http://tfl.nu/xdqb

Replies (10) Good night (3190) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(951): View more from California

My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(951): My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now http://tfl.nu/leuk

Replies (13) Good night (4101) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(781): View more from Massachusetts

I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf

Replies (43) Good night (2070) Bad night (7090) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

(614): View more from Ohio

Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina. (614): Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money http://tfl.nu/rx4e

Replies (27) Good night (6421) Bad night (1112)
Favorite
(712): View more from Iowa

Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

(714): View more from California

Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj

Replies (37) Good night (9275) Bad night (1195)
Favorite
(518): View more from New York

In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(518): In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it. http://tfl.nu/q114

Replies (10) Good night (7240) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

(1-410): View more from Maryland

the part where you beat me to him

(410): View more from Maryland

fair enough.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?! (1-410): the part where you beat me to him (410): fair enough. http://tfl.nu/4y3l

Replies (18) Good night (7256) Bad night (788)
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning? http://tfl.nu/weqo

Replies (22) Good night (9588) Bad night (796)
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well. http://tfl.nu/l70h

Replies (17) Good night (686) Bad night (5290) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(770): View more from Georgia

His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(770): His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution. http://tfl.nu/sbqf

Replies (21) Good night (5727) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(706): View more from Georgia

He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(706): He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times http://tfl.nu/wnel

Replies (12) Good night (8202) Bad night (1231)
Favorite
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(832): it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina http://tfl.nu/a6qo

Replies (11) Good night (946) Bad night (4355) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(515): View more from Iowa

in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(515): in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/88o7

Replies (20) Good night (9791) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

It usually does with you

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(717): Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit (1-717): It usually does with you http://tfl.nu/9ly0

Replies (6) Good night (3979) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(402): View more from Nebraska

I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(402): I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome http://tfl.nu/kwzn

Replies (13) Good night (5673) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(901): View more from Tennessee

i think i left my bra at your place

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a

Replies (21) Good night (10157) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay http://tfl.nu/pvcx

Replies (16) Good night (4740) Bad night (3079)
Favorite
(707): View more from California

You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(707): You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative http://tfl.nu/7tsg

Replies (15) Good night (904) Bad night (5354) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain. http://tfl.nu/pmdt

Replies (20) Good night (5416) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(678): View more from Georgia

I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(678): I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI. http://tfl.nu/868g

Replies (27) Good night (6979) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

(202): View more from Washington, DC

buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr

Replies (34) Good night (14714) Bad night (606)
Favorite
(818): View more from California

Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(818): Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny" http://tfl.nu/i2md

Replies (13) Good night (2548) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning. http://tfl.nu/0ep2

Replies (27) Good night (492) Bad night (5962) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(281): View more from Texas

Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(281): Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table. http://tfl.nu/g0qe

Replies (10) Good night (3387) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(850): View more from Florida

how was your day?

(404): View more from Georgia

fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(850): how was your day? (404): fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i? http://tfl.nu/0urf

Replies (20) Good night (8840) Bad night (548)
Favorite
(801): View more from Utah

don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(801): don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy. http://tfl.nu/h3zi

Replies (16) Good night (6719) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(850): View more from Florida

TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.

(407): View more from Florida

i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(850): TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas. (407): i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful. http://tfl.nu/1iey

Replies (32) Good night (10020) Bad night (461)
Favorite
(734): View more from Michigan

I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.

(1-734): View more from Michigan

Shittttttt.

(734): View more from Michigan

Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(734): I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy. (1-734): Shittttttt. (734): Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy. http://tfl.nu/htfb

Replies (33) Good night (9342) Bad night (478)
Favorite
(541): View more from Oregon

Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(541): Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk http://tfl.nu/l5et

Replies (7) Good night (4022) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(678): View more from Georgia

You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(678): You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works. http://tfl.nu/of7z

Replies (14) Good night (777) Bad night (5464) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep http://tfl.nu/xep7

Replies (41) Good night (17438) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(912): View more from Georgia

He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(912): He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it. http://tfl.nu/csjq

Replies (21) Good night (5381) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(310): View more from California

i fucked a milf yesterday.

(619): View more from California

i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df

Replies (28) Good night (12660) Bad night (1416)
Favorite
(773): View more from Illinois

arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(773): arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better http://tfl.nu/ch4v

Replies (19) Good night (5223) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(315): View more from New York

Hello wreck, this is your train calling.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(315): Hello wreck, this is your train calling. http://tfl.nu/qxsk

Replies (13) Good night (5259) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(513): View more from Ohio

Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.

(478): View more from Georgia

I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(513): Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit. (478): I'll get my vaginal cartography poster. http://tfl.nu/m8ec

Replies (28) Good night (5468) Bad night (875)
Favorite
(801): View more from Utah

we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(801): we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha http://tfl.nu/k58e

Replies (20) Good night (6909) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me. http://tfl.nu/6qnx

Replies (23) Good night (10684) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(614): View more from Ohio

so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

(740): View more from Ohio

i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2

Replies (81) Good night (31288) Bad night (994)
Favorite
(804): View more from Virginia

finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets. http://tfl.nu/gp9t

Replies (21) Good night (7830) Bad night (854)
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65

Replies (13) Good night (6231) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle http://tfl.nu/2q09

Replies (13) Good night (880) Bad night (3422) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7

Replies (44) Good night (24325) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(856): View more from New Jersey

She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(856): She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk" http://tfl.nu/d5n3

Replies (12) Good night (6587) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list http://tfl.nu/ucvs

Replies (40) Good night (1206) Bad night (13361) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(208): View more from Idaho

On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(208): On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you? http://tfl.nu/5voi

Replies (13) Good night (5093) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(765): View more from Indiana

I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(765): I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position. http://tfl.nu/oixi

Replies (14) Good night (4317) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

Because ur a stupid bitch

(1-845): View more from New York

Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): Because ur a stupid bitch (1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch. http://tfl.nu/0sjk

Replies (54) Good night (10787) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(310): View more from California

So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(310): So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes http://tfl.nu/3hm9

Replies (49) Good night (8568) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(978): View more from Massachusetts

bring money and cleavage

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(978): bring money and cleavage http://tfl.nu/w9ou

Replies (20) Good night (5741) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(407): View more from Florida

I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(407): I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test. http://tfl.nu/drd9

Replies (17) Good night (5369) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(727): View more from Florida

how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian? http://tfl.nu/oazh

Replies (42) Good night (9716) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(781): View more from Massachusetts

the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(781): the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator http://tfl.nu/8mwn

Replies (32) Good night (11381) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(920): View more from Wisconsin

Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g

Replies (36) Good night (12103) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(904): View more from Florida

he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju

Replies (19) Good night (8502) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(309): View more from Illinois

I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(309): I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust. http://tfl.nu/mc9g

Replies (6) Good night (5666) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(337): View more from Louisiana

Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(337): Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/whuj

Replies (39) Good night (7076) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(708): View more from Illinois

You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(708): You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/enxi

Replies (13) Good night (6080) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free. http://tfl.nu/j1zd

Replies (20) Good night (7976) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(403): View more from Alberta, CA

There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(403): There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity http://tfl.nu/85sl

Replies (9) Good night (3622) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(313): View more from Michigan

Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(313): Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ" http://tfl.nu/pk0t

Replies (41) Good night (14368) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(314): View more from Missouri

he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy

Replies (25) Good night (14546) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(308): View more from Nebraska

i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw

Replies (17) Good night (7798) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(203): View more from Connecticut

Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f

Replies (24) Good night (6510) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(816): View more from Missouri

dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

(816): View more from Missouri

that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0

Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1040)
Favorite
(414): View more from Wisconsin

I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(414): I want to frame my negative pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/y335

Replies (26) Good night (6948) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(413): View more from Massachusetts

She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(413): She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list http://tfl.nu/8owq

Replies (20) Good night (11021) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(647): View more from Ontario

it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(647): it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me http://tfl.nu/r4c5

Replies (39) Good night (7407) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(204): View more from Manitoba

some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(204): some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city http://tfl.nu/k6ti

Replies (38) Good night (11524) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(803): View more from South Carolina

I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(803): I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on http://tfl.nu/5tgi

Replies (42) Good night (9109) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(614): View more from Ohio

I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(614): I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help. http://tfl.nu/rixg

Replies (19) Good night (2305) Bad night (4797) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(440): View more from Ohio

You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv

Replies (48) Good night (16987) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(615): View more from Tennessee

I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(615): I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting. http://tfl.nu/31wc

Replies (14) Good night (5574) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(240): View more from Maryland

I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(240): I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/grua

Replies (20) Good night (2391) Bad night (4109) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier http://tfl.nu/xjeu

Replies (6) Good night (7593) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(301): View more from Maryland

look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(301): look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/j0tt

Replies (13) Good night (6230) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

(713): View more from Texas

lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs

Replies (21) Good night (10337) Bad night (854)
Favorite
(541): View more from Oregon

What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

(503): View more from Oregon

3some

(541): View more from Oregon

You're right, stupid question.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x

Replies (21) Good night (9755) Bad night (796)
Favorite
(757): View more from Virginia

I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt

Replies (13) Good night (9073) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(319): View more from Iowa

On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

(316): View more from Kansas

Toaster

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm

Replies (48) Good night (24101) Bad night (1021)
Favorite
(608): View more from Wisconsin

Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(608): Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her. http://tfl.nu/6qpw

Replies (25) Good night (1427) Bad night (5535) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

(416): View more from Toronto

Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy

Replies (39) Good night (9763) Bad night (857)
Favorite
(941): View more from Florida

thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x

Replies (17) Good night (16133) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm http://tfl.nu/twuk

Replies (21) Good night (3304) Bad night (4113) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(410): View more from Maryland

what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(410): what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"? http://tfl.nu/vaok

Replies (29) Good night (10399) Bad night (890)
Favorite
(714): View more from California

Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1

Replies (19) Good night (7152) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(970): View more from Colorado

I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng

Replies (28) Good night (9861) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(631): View more from New York

This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(631): This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her. http://tfl.nu/wxz7

Replies (6) Good night (5020) Bad night (926)
Favorite
(530): View more from California

I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(530): I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite http://tfl.nu/1k7e

Replies (45) Good night (18050) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(313): View more from Michigan

Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic

Replies (14) Good night (6089) Bad night (881)
Favorite
(862): View more from New Jersey

found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz

Replies (19) Good night (9815) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(716): View more from New York

Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e

Replies (26) Good night (11869) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(949): View more from California

Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(949): Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less. http://tfl.nu/ezlm

Replies (15) Good night (1550) Bad night (3448) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(803): View more from South Carolina

Why am I in a dog kennel?

(1-803): View more from South Carolina

It was for your own safety

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni

Replies (27) Good night (12291) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(954): View more from Florida

i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(954): i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed. http://tfl.nu/a1x5

Replies (24) Good night (6744) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a

Replies (20) Good night (9902) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(416): View more from Toronto

Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck. http://tfl.nu/lba2

Replies (16) Good night (6929) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard. http://tfl.nu/kj6h

Replies (31) Good night (6402) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(978): View more from Massachusetts

i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(978): i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party http://tfl.nu/osnp

Replies (23) Good night (6969) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(603): View more from New Hampshire

sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(603): sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!" http://tfl.nu/halh

Replies (7) Good night (1067) Bad night (3562) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.

(260): View more from Indiana

He probs deserved it.

(317): View more from Indiana

Every good man does.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell. (260): He probs deserved it. (317): Every good man does. http://tfl.nu/4ma5

Replies (32) Good night (5217) Bad night (1410)
Favorite
(770): View more from Georgia

At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(770): At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night. http://tfl.nu/xigq

Replies (5) Good night (4245) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(856): View more from New Jersey

i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(856): i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong http://tfl.nu/5qbx

Replies (15) Good night (6081) Bad night (1149)
Favorite
(502): View more from Kentucky

new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(502): new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home http://tfl.nu/1gm8

Replies (25) Good night (6691) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(520): View more from Arizona

Clearly I made an impression.

(404): View more from Georgia

Or at least your vagina did.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(520): Clearly I made an impression. (404): Or at least your vagina did. http://tfl.nu/bank

Replies (9) Good night (4556) Bad night (720)
Favorite
(248): View more from Michigan

Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(248): Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace. http://tfl.nu/fcle

Replies (20) Good night (10039) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(954): View more from Florida

I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(954): I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M http://tfl.nu/v1d0

Replies (26) Good night (7362) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(585): View more from New York

He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(585): He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius. http://tfl.nu/hqjt

Replies (26) Good night (7556) Bad night (878)
Favorite
(603): View more from New Hampshire

It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(603): It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim. http://tfl.nu/xioc

Replies (18) Good night (1031) Bad night (4204) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(845): View more from New York

my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(845): my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe http://tfl.nu/yy5r

Replies (10) Good night (1198) Bad night (4063) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(509): View more from Washington

I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man. http://tfl.nu/1swk

Replies (35) Good night (8508) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(416): View more from Toronto

the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night http://tfl.nu/0qnk

Replies (77) Good night (7397) Bad night (4057) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+44): At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever. http://tfl.nu/bxy4

Replies (17) Good night (8093) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(301): View more from Maryland

she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(301): she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break http://tfl.nu/l0jq

Replies (19) Good night (5000) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(432): View more from Texas

He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(432): He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun" http://tfl.nu/hrdc

Replies (28) Good night (2433) Bad night (3986) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(919): View more from North Carolina

i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(919): i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ilti

Replies (42) Good night (9681) Bad night (606)
Favorite
(702): View more from Nevada

Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

(636): View more from Missouri

anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56

Replies (32) Good night (8222) Bad night (612)
Favorite
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(724): his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless http://tfl.nu/7ms7

Replies (22) Good night (790) Bad night (5107) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(931): View more from Tennessee

Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h

Replies (46) Good night (13655) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(404): View more from Georgia

my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(404): my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material. http://tfl.nu/r91w

Replies (15) Good night (11389) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(678): View more from Georgia

Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(678): Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action. http://tfl.nu/m88z

Replies (26) Good night (5328) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(618): View more from Illinois

the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(618): the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux http://tfl.nu/x72r

Replies (13) Good night (7370) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(440): View more from Ohio

I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

(1-440): View more from Ohio

please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk

Replies (78) Good night (5844) Bad night (6397) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families (570): That statement alone makes me laugh so hard. http://tfl.nu/jdb3

Replies (7) Good night (5859) Bad night (767)
Favorite
(928): View more from Arizona

Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e

Replies (54) Good night (28553) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(561): View more from Florida

i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(561): i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks. http://tfl.nu/2sae

Replies (17) Good night (12019) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants? http://tfl.nu/rwj9

Replies (12) Good night (5791) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible. http://tfl.nu/zom5

Replies (14) Good night (7385) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(720): View more from Colorado

I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q

Replies (54) Good night (15851) Bad night (1586) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(330): View more from Ohio

you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(330): you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now" http://tfl.nu/lsq6

Replies (30) Good night (1798) Bad night (4486) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(210): View more from Texas

I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(210): I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV" http://tfl.nu/w3he

Replies (37) Good night (5091) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(630): View more from Illinois

I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....

(1-630): View more from Illinois

which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(630): I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons.... (1-630): which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father? http://tfl.nu/vh34

Replies (31) Good night (838) Bad night (5034) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(727): View more from Florida

i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.

(1-727): View more from Florida

shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(727): i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened. (1-727): shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face. http://tfl.nu/dien

Replies (13) Good night (4299) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong? http://tfl.nu/gz8r

Replies (44) Good night (1298) Bad night (4514) Order T-Shirt
Favorite
(440): View more from Ohio

Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait

Replies (25) Good night (22895) Bad night (787)

bluejasmine's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard