An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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