The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
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Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
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