He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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