rbrandos's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me. http://tfl.nu/4o8x
  Replies (9) Good night (1426) Bad night (3956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations. http://tfl.nu/uf69
  Replies (7) Good night (3077) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night? http://tfl.nu/ont9
  Replies (14) Good night (930) Bad night (4107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home

  (254): View more from Texas

  Challenge accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home (254): Challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/oaxm
  Replies (8) Good night (6065) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN http://tfl.nu/nyld
  Replies (15) Good night (6970) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well. http://tfl.nu/fer2
  Replies (13) Good night (2390) Bad night (3847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail. http://tfl.nu/tpxz
  Replies (24) Good night (10071) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night. http://tfl.nu/vt5l
  Replies (8) Good night (3729) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral. http://tfl.nu/5sn1
  Replies (14) Good night (807) Bad night (4477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later? http://tfl.nu/w8i3
  Replies (16) Good night (5715) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall... http://tfl.nu/myki
  Replies (18) Good night (9761) Bad night (2036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  I saved lives by not driving this morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy... (1-904): I saved lives by not driving this morning http://tfl.nu/no2s
  Replies (9) Good night (7856) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch http://tfl.nu/pswe
  Replies (7) Good night (6755) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  it's like russian roulette but with a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): it's like russian roulette but with a penis http://tfl.nu/nnes
  Replies (12) Good night (2449) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero http://tfl.nu/dyje
  Replies (8) Good night (5290) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face http://tfl.nu/knsv
  Replies (25) Good night (3418) Bad night (1700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast http://tfl.nu/g6rv
  Replies (15) Good night (1714) Bad night (4230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside. http://tfl.nu/wpt8
  Replies (11) Good night (2835) Bad night (1577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites http://tfl.nu/fquq
  Replies (21) Good night (8749) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!

  (678): View more from Georgia

  correction: escorted out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?! (678): correction: escorted out http://tfl.nu/gkul
  Replies (23) Good night (5107) Bad night (845)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive. http://tfl.nu/za3k
  Replies (7) Good night (3120) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/gi6e
  Replies (26) Good night (8017) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already. http://tfl.nu/j86y
  Replies (10) Good night (7299) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused. http://tfl.nu/76xl
  Replies (17) Good night (1938) Bad night (2548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours (484): andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you http://tfl.nu/ooyd
  Replies (17) Good night (4072) Bad night (1158)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that. http://tfl.nu/pxw6
  Replies (7) Good night (861) Bad night (3718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+79): View more from

  Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+79): Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight http://tfl.nu/p28c
  Replies (18) Good night (4679) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/tjlf
  Replies (15) Good night (6821) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week http://tfl.nu/o67r
  Replies (2) Good night (3417) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends." http://tfl.nu/n1yw
  Replies (5) Good night (1355) Bad night (2251)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence

  (415): View more from California

  shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence (415): shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy. http://tfl.nu/3ya6
  Replies (12) Good night (8319) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down. http://tfl.nu/7y05
  Replies (26) Good night (1526) Bad night (5652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day. http://tfl.nu/pq24
  Replies (12) Good night (7213) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"? http://tfl.nu/n06e
  Replies (16) Good night (6582) Bad night (1243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps. http://tfl.nu/aqjz
  Replies (5) Good night (897) Bad night (6077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison http://tfl.nu/pb8x
  Replies (11) Good night (2989) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot http://tfl.nu/y6a1
  Replies (12) Good night (3328) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face http://tfl.nu/2kqd
  Replies (9) Good night (4019) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget! http://tfl.nu/i6kv
  Replies (8) Good night (3788) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look. http://tfl.nu/k5sb
  Replies (15) Good night (4545) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you http://tfl.nu/cx5a
  Replies (11) Good night (5955) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub. http://tfl.nu/cojk
  Replies (7) Good night (6026) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning? http://tfl.nu/u220
  Replies (16) Good night (7403) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate http://tfl.nu/0wu1
  Replies (3) Good night (4668) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs http://tfl.nu/d5ya
  Replies (33) Good night (981) Bad night (6815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me. http://tfl.nu/76by
  Replies (17) Good night (4164) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible. http://tfl.nu/8o92
  Replies (17) Good night (4556) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis http://tfl.nu/b4c1
  Replies (18) Good night (1238) Bad night (2440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?

  (509): View more from Washington

  You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it? (509): You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge. http://tfl.nu/hjyd
  Replies (7) Good night (3750) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside http://tfl.nu/jkpy
  Replies (8) Good night (3191) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis. http://tfl.nu/iwbw
  Replies (5) Good night (4051) Bad night (1415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/bshy
  Replies (46) Good night (6366) Bad night (2672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned. http://tfl.nu/8l5x
  Replies (11) Good night (1054) Bad night (3283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain". http://tfl.nu/ukpa
  Replies (26) Good night (14340) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham. http://tfl.nu/ri7m
  Replies (15) Good night (2604) Bad night (1225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex. http://tfl.nu/6011
  Replies (10) Good night (2185) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars http://tfl.nu/ybwb
  Replies (37) Good night (1684) Bad night (4606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship. http://tfl.nu/eyj6
  Replies (9) Good night (4527) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS. http://tfl.nu/26xz
  Replies (37) Good night (9647) Bad night (2036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun. http://tfl.nu/h48x
  Replies (21) Good night (3766) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop

  (213): View more from California

  so that means christmas in space?

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop (213): so that means christmas in space? (781): imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi http://tfl.nu/5ssx
  Replies (14) Good night (6867) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip http://tfl.nu/b5at
  Replies (12) Good night (2908) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes. http://tfl.nu/0q3l
  Replies (18) Good night (6666) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here. http://tfl.nu/viom
  Replies (26) Good night (7532) Bad night (1345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible. http://tfl.nu/1rrn
  Replies (16) Good night (3306) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+86): View more from China

  Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+86): Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported. http://tfl.nu/uoj6
  Replies (10) Good night (5588) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns. http://tfl.nu/6hbs
  Replies (9) Good night (4077) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you http://tfl.nu/jrvn
  Replies (20) Good night (5469) Bad night (1825)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses. http://tfl.nu/pr98
  Replies (11) Good night (6493) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far http://tfl.nu/58dc
  Replies (11) Good night (5599) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do. http://tfl.nu/7c6c
  Replies (18) Good night (3407) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute". http://tfl.nu/z3mu
  Replies (29) Good night (1718) Bad night (3237)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy. http://tfl.nu/ysza
  Replies (30) Good night (3922) Bad night (2092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year. http://tfl.nu/yrzl
  Replies (10) Good night (1766) Bad night (3118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants. http://tfl.nu/zw7z
  Replies (14) Good night (3315) Bad night (1462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro http://tfl.nu/bhdm
  Replies (19) Good night (14900) Bad night (1694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids http://tfl.nu/b5v5
  Replies (25) Good night (9876) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis. http://tfl.nu/m4yy
  Replies (6) Good night (880) Bad night (2815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot http://tfl.nu/slrj
  Replies (6) Good night (1746) Bad night (1242)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/qna9
  Replies (14) Good night (3262) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive. http://tfl.nu/ly82
  Replies (6) Good night (3101) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her. http://tfl.nu/yn7x
  Replies (15) Good night (4934) Bad night (1632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things. http://tfl.nu/s0f9
  Replies (23) Good night (3922) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito. http://tfl.nu/i4sd
  Replies (19) Good night (6374) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall. http://tfl.nu/i92r
  Replies (11) Good night (4338) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up http://tfl.nu/w3uw
  Replies (27) Good night (5915) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/yv47
  Replies (26) Good night (1544) Bad night (4262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse. http://tfl.nu/qk0b
  Replies (32) Good night (1479) Bad night (15741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep http://tfl.nu/uxq8
  Replies (4) Good night (3201) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose http://tfl.nu/vf99
  Replies (8) Good night (4336) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk. http://tfl.nu/e5cu
  Replies (16) Good night (3697) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed. http://tfl.nu/ytov
  Replies (15) Good night (4877) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/y8c3
  Replies (29) Good night (8817) Bad night (1687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night http://tfl.nu/nzfl
  Replies (23) Good night (6053) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die http://tfl.nu/4ks9
  Replies (18) Good night (1095) Bad night (4748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we're about an hour out, how's the weather?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): we're about an hour out, how's the weather? (720): cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home. http://tfl.nu/na0o
  Replies (14) Good night (5946) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant. http://tfl.nu/96oo
  Replies (27) Good night (981) Bad night (8409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob" http://tfl.nu/kv4b
  Replies (20) Good night (4389) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  How's work?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Spinning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): How's work? (978): Spinning. http://tfl.nu/6xgd
  Replies (9) Good night (4768) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better http://tfl.nu/clth
  Replies (8) Good night (3333) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her. http://tfl.nu/dsg0
  Replies (17) Good night (4128) Bad night (1622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs. http://tfl.nu/4a67
  Replies (18) Good night (5772) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls http://tfl.nu/izkj
  Replies (4) Good night (1909) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK. http://tfl.nu/7sxv
  Replies (9) Good night (6526) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you http://tfl.nu/08lz
  Replies (3) Good night (3719) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible. http://tfl.nu/r17h
  Replies (12) Good night (5334) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  One blow job doesn not make me gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): One blow job doesn not make me gay. http://tfl.nu/ismv
  Replies (86) Good night (2798) Bad night (8296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/pj90
  Replies (8) Good night (1092) Bad night (3948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american" http://tfl.nu/1xh1
  Replies (26) Good night (7812) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers http://tfl.nu/ldwb
  Replies (15) Good night (4753) Bad night (1276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma http://tfl.nu/ysyc
  Replies (14) Good night (1091) Bad night (3362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism http://tfl.nu/7zps
  Replies (8) Good night (4173) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"? http://tfl.nu/9ial
  Replies (29) Good night (907) Bad night (2803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat http://tfl.nu/80p4
  Replies (19) Good night (6720) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty. http://tfl.nu/tep7
  Replies (30) Good night (14511) Bad night (1058)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible http://tfl.nu/x1el
  Replies (8) Good night (4035) Bad night (1373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes http://tfl.nu/1teg
  Replies (8) Good night (4151) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He likes Jesus. Game over.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): He likes Jesus. Game over. (804): Oooh wait, he just told me he was high. http://tfl.nu/lcdj
  Replies (14) Good night (4744) Bad night (1339)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall http://tfl.nu/usfu
  Replies (4) Good night (3901) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants http://tfl.nu/066x
  Replies (12) Good night (3117) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself http://tfl.nu/d62r
  Replies (34) Good night (2021) Bad night (3568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1 http://tfl.nu/tz8w
  Replies (35) Good night (6545) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night. http://tfl.nu/7th0
  Replies (9) Good night (4408) Bad night (1688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12609) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  What's a "vodkaffle"?

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): What's a "vodkaffle"? (608): It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix. http://tfl.nu/84eu
  Replies (10) Good night (4070) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  My grandma had to be escorted out by police.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): My grandma had to be escorted out by police. http://tfl.nu/ipgw
  Replies (18) Good night (6828) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts? http://tfl.nu/1591
  Replies (14) Good night (1200) Bad night (3974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor. http://tfl.nu/j4rc
  Replies (17) Good night (6193) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie. http://tfl.nu/3rqj
  Replies (5) Good night (3709) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight? http://tfl.nu/8s8e
  Replies (7) Good night (4103) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag. http://tfl.nu/vhx8
  Replies (8) Good night (4896) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle? http://tfl.nu/vxb0
  Replies (15) Good night (1008) Bad night (3386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever. http://tfl.nu/ptta
  Replies (17) Good night (4095) Bad night (3707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
  Replies (25) Good night (11053) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine. http://tfl.nu/7gi6
  Replies (15) Good night (6452) Bad night (1282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff. http://tfl.nu/mldb
  Replies (2) Good night (877) Bad night (2867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Because we had sex in one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory? (1-919): Because we had sex in one. http://tfl.nu/y2am
  Replies (7) Good night (5586) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'? http://tfl.nu/wgpy
  Replies (15) Good night (1525) Bad night (4638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law. http://tfl.nu/o7ax
  Replies (7) Good night (3510) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday". http://tfl.nu/bzic
  Replies (8) Good night (7043) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent. http://tfl.nu/4is5
  Replies (20) Good night (5290) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite. http://tfl.nu/f93w
  Replies (8) Good night (4167) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
  Replies (9) Good night (7167) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now. http://tfl.nu/sqxt
  Replies (4) Good night (2190) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I hope this adventure ends at a hospital

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I hope this adventure ends at a hospital http://tfl.nu/tvb7
  Replies (2) Good night (2133) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla http://tfl.nu/0yq4
  Replies (13) Good night (4300) Bad night (1197)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever. http://tfl.nu/cjv6
  Replies (11) Good night (3100) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass... http://tfl.nu/21fm
  Replies (16) Good night (3711) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift. http://tfl.nu/nll4
  Replies (8) Good night (3920) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting. http://tfl.nu/ejol
  Replies (15) Good night (5759) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science. (1-616): Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world! http://tfl.nu/0fvx
  Replies (10) Good night (4957) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was http://tfl.nu/ydfc
  Replies (14) Good night (4591) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that. http://tfl.nu/vu87
  Replies (14) Good night (6946) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise. http://tfl.nu/i6qg
  Replies (6) Good night (3197) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot" http://tfl.nu/fb26
  Replies (11) Good night (4996) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids http://tfl.nu/g564
  Replies (19) Good night (4228) Bad night (1242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!" http://tfl.nu/taup
  Replies (10) Good night (4232) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day http://tfl.nu/hrk3
  Replies (8) Good night (9739) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER http://tfl.nu/i5te
  Replies (10) Good night (3976) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS http://tfl.nu/purw
  Replies (11) Good night (1274) Bad night (3178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig? http://tfl.nu/6st9
  Replies (2) Good night (924) Bad night (2673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet. http://tfl.nu/onit
  Replies (20) Good night (4954) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson http://tfl.nu/oc0q
  Replies (7) Good night (3596) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ? http://tfl.nu/or6i
  Replies (6) Good night (2630) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children. http://tfl.nu/9yhs
  Replies (3) Good night (2792) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits. http://tfl.nu/2cej
  Replies (10) Good night (9521) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD. http://tfl.nu/zazo
  Replies (7) Good night (3157) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume? http://tfl.nu/reh6
  Replies (9) Good night (3216) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off.. http://tfl.nu/csfy
  Replies (5) Good night (3530) Bad night (1351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into. http://tfl.nu/2oug
  Replies (13) Good night (746) Bad night (3058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen? http://tfl.nu/ze7l
  Replies (9) Good night (4361) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things. http://tfl.nu/x5j7
  Replies (3) Good night (3660) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible. http://tfl.nu/uxem
  Replies (11) Good night (5359) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  As long as you're not dating white guys again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): As long as you're not dating white guys again. http://tfl.nu/e0lw
  Replies (111) Good night (1886) Bad night (4245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating http://tfl.nu/fig2
  Replies (7) Good night (2601) Bad night (2264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h
  Replies (55) Good night (21386) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge http://tfl.nu/hh8c
  Replies (10) Good night (4093) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date http://tfl.nu/sjjn
  Replies (19) Good night (5075) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here. http://tfl.nu/6cd7
  Replies (4) Good night (2813) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over. http://tfl.nu/n0ys
  Replies (15) Good night (8415) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics http://tfl.nu/ne8m
  Replies (16) Good night (4155) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over. http://tfl.nu/rd2c
  Replies (5) Good night (3191) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed. http://tfl.nu/6ncx
  Replies (5) Good night (4398) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with. http://tfl.nu/j96s
  Replies (11) Good night (1182) Bad night (2895)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out http://tfl.nu/n59r
  Replies (10) Good night (859) Bad night (4065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor. http://tfl.nu/z7yu
  Replies (34) Good night (11178) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  I love foreign exchange students.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish. (1-417): I love foreign exchange students. http://tfl.nu/3hb4
  Replies (6) Good night (3643) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics. http://tfl.nu/564h
  Replies (7) Good night (2521) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life http://tfl.nu/bh2z
  Replies (20) Good night (773) Bad night (7857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes http://tfl.nu/wjig
  Replies (41) Good night (5196) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then? (636): Yup. (314): Yup. http://tfl.nu/bp2u
  Replies (70) Good night (24747) Bad night (1732)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!

  (315): View more from New York

  AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!! (315): AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/witt
  Replies (16) Good night (5914) Bad night (1320)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon

  (1-631): View more from New York

  wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon (1-631): wow. http://tfl.nu/6n98
  Replies (20) Good night (4584) Bad night (1386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request. http://tfl.nu/53d6
  Replies (14) Good night (5079) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table http://tfl.nu/ca9t
  Replies (24) Good night (1144) Bad night (4173) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party. http://tfl.nu/yf4m
  Replies (6) Good night (2842) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka. http://tfl.nu/l16y
  Replies (12) Good night (4987) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately? http://tfl.nu/0g6n
  Replies (18) Good night (7549) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd http://tfl.nu/v8gr
  Replies (7) Good night (2836) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight. http://tfl.nu/qr87
  Replies (23) Good night (9204) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform." http://tfl.nu/nw1x
  Replies (11) Good night (5259) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website. http://tfl.nu/9e82
  Replies (30) Good night (894) Bad night (4779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute?? http://tfl.nu/snv5
  Replies (11) Good night (7894) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible. http://tfl.nu/qot7
  Replies (31) Good night (10060) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again. http://tfl.nu/4z0a
  Replies (5) Good night (3948) Bad night (1457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina... http://tfl.nu/78ky
  Replies (19) Good night (1738) Bad night (7220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls. http://tfl.nu/fa0p
  Replies (24) Good night (5494) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch? http://tfl.nu/p8up
  Replies (12) Good night (5001) Bad night (1259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab... http://tfl.nu/1m3b
  Replies (2) Good night (1413) Bad night (2593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog. http://tfl.nu/53ei
  Replies (6) Good night (930) Bad night (2838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome http://tfl.nu/ey6z
  Replies (11) Good night (4940) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races. http://tfl.nu/trt2
  Replies (6) Good night (2789) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it. http://tfl.nu/bw0n
  Replies (11) Good night (4338) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ypzc
  Replies (5) Good night (4248) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls" http://tfl.nu/sggu
  Replies (6) Good night (1106) Bad night (3722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card... http://tfl.nu/vpen
  Replies (9) Good night (4124) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises. http://tfl.nu/xzxa
  Replies (8) Good night (3973) Bad night (1325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day. http://tfl.nu/kbev
  Replies (7) Good night (1310) Bad night (2532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America http://tfl.nu/nfrq
  Replies (24) Good night (6595) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  & he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'

  (636): View more from Missouri

  HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): & he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut' (636): HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!! http://tfl.nu/1ay1
  Replies (14) Good night (1286) Bad night (3081)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs. http://tfl.nu/4p26
  Replies (24) Good night (1120) Bad night (6791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim. http://tfl.nu/2u9p
  Replies (8) Good night (3474) Bad night (1103)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it. http://tfl.nu/dj6o
  Replies (19) Good night (2137) Bad night (6515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse. http://tfl.nu/a75v
  Replies (8) Good night (2703) Bad night (1271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other. http://tfl.nu/93c9
  Replies (7) Good night (3320) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car. http://tfl.nu/mri5
  Replies (11) Good night (1110) Bad night (3488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center http://tfl.nu/9ea5
  Replies (14) Good night (5164) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave. http://tfl.nu/8hoe
  Replies (17) Good night (3564) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it. http://tfl.nu/cqfe
  Replies (8) Good night (706) Bad night (5998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?" http://tfl.nu/quj5
  Replies (15) Good night (7145) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (8785) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October. http://tfl.nu/w9iv
  Replies (4) Good night (2653) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine http://tfl.nu/d6oy
  Replies (10) Good night (4578) Bad night (1966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life. http://tfl.nu/cn7c
  Replies (15) Good night (6289) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea.... http://tfl.nu/8lgf
  Replies (7) Good night (2739) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night? http://tfl.nu/nxqa
  Replies (7) Good night (3336) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink. http://tfl.nu/5ry5
  Replies (13) Good night (6344) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you. http://tfl.nu/gxjs
  Replies (10) Good night (6164) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time. http://tfl.nu/0r8g
  Replies (16) Good night (2370) Bad night (3204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred. http://tfl.nu/3k1m
  Replies (11) Good night (3662) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that. http://tfl.nu/hvnx
  Replies (11) Good night (4511) Bad night (1042)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (17) Good night (8002) Bad night (1551)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes" http://tfl.nu/1j0f
  Replies (18) Good night (1717) Bad night (5896)
• Favorite

  (247): View more from

  Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (247): Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me. http://tfl.nu/wk5w
  Replies (11) Good night (877) Bad night (4257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers http://tfl.nu/uhar
  Replies (14) Good night (3649) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first. http://tfl.nu/c9e0
  Replies (11) Good night (694) Bad night (3301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex. http://tfl.nu/kpvm
  Replies (4) Good night (4529) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/s6ky
  Replies (15) Good night (5146) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (10842) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything? http://tfl.nu/hmy2
  Replies (7) Good night (814) Bad night (4387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting. http://tfl.nu/wbx1
  Replies (12) Good night (3736) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?

  (818): View more from California

  I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night? (818): I hate you. http://tfl.nu/ps95
  Replies (9) Good night (4934) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far

  (713): View more from Texas

  Sounds better than last semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far (713): Sounds better than last semester http://tfl.nu/9h5w
  Replies (12) Good night (1473) Bad night (4465)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job http://tfl.nu/934s
  Replies (14) Good night (1546) Bad night (7102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high http://tfl.nu/24mk
  Replies (11) Good night (4854) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant. http://tfl.nu/zp63
  Replies (28) Good night (1300) Bad night (10062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/8o9v
  Replies (11) Good night (3305) Bad night (1785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid. (604): HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES http://tfl.nu/zs3p
  Replies (26) Good night (5042) Bad night (1223)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets http://tfl.nu/sjge
  Replies (17) Good night (4819) Bad night (1458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't have enough holes for all these australians

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I don't have enough holes for all these australians http://tfl.nu/dq24
  Replies (13) Good night (5781) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker. http://tfl.nu/r3lm
  Replies (18) Good night (4755) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident. http://tfl.nu/j6a8
  Replies (6) Good night (4361) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on." http://tfl.nu/t6j5
  Replies (2) Good night (4933) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him http://tfl.nu/0v7f
  Replies (4) Good night (5585) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/ma89
  Replies (80) Good night (2244) Bad night (15227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  like it was yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra? (732): like it was yesterday http://tfl.nu/1org
  Replies (20) Good night (11479) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  this is a time for prayers...seriously

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): this is a time for prayers...seriously (1-973): let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen. http://tfl.nu/ovsa
  Replies (22) Good night (4877) Bad night (1237)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now http://tfl.nu/m9st
  Replies (17) Good night (3398) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't http://tfl.nu/i8hu
  Replies (29) Good night (5926) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football" http://tfl.nu/o0mi
  Replies (19) Good night (5048) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks http://tfl.nu/2hg2
  Replies (3) Good night (3826) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned. http://tfl.nu/9j2r
  Replies (30) Good night (5110) Bad night (3348)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me. (1-606): Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons. http://tfl.nu/drp9
  Replies (4) Good night (4108) Bad night (1168)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup http://tfl.nu/u0xy
  Replies (20) Good night (1302) Bad night (5084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/twc0
  Replies (46) Good night (2618) Bad night (13338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT. http://tfl.nu/yg6n
  Replies (32) Good night (4688) Bad night (1964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon http://tfl.nu/4pbx
  Replies (43) Good night (13854) Bad night (1949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes! (1-859): please elaborate on, "atleast one ear" http://tfl.nu/8j2w
  Replies (20) Good night (6578) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not. http://tfl.nu/wxss
  Replies (19) Good night (7276) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name. http://tfl.nu/83o9
  Replies (22) Good night (5439) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat" http://tfl.nu/ofhr
  Replies (20) Good night (9228) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (682): View more from Texas

  While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (682): While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird. http://tfl.nu/l3im
  Replies (12) Good night (961) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot. http://tfl.nu/wa4w
  Replies (6) Good night (4651) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me. http://tfl.nu/9xpz
  Replies (21) Good night (852) Bad night (2882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/6bmb
  Replies (28) Good night (5368) Bad night (2346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"... http://tfl.nu/ydyy
  Replies (11) Good night (1083) Bad night (3894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever http://tfl.nu/3n5f
  Replies (26) Good night (5270) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole. http://tfl.nu/9iug
  Replies (17) Good night (1243) Bad night (3126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere. http://tfl.nu/7gle
  Replies (22) Good night (6301) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in http://tfl.nu/d9qi
  Replies (8) Good night (3886) Bad night (1761)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat. http://tfl.nu/q1ic
  Replies (27) Good night (5079) Bad night (1816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad. http://tfl.nu/4fga
  Replies (11) Good night (3109) Bad night (1900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them... http://tfl.nu/ior4
  Replies (23) Good night (5211) Bad night (1401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful. http://tfl.nu/q2qd
  Replies (22) Good night (9384) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist. http://tfl.nu/mma2
  Replies (35) Good night (4381) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool. http://tfl.nu/gbzx
  Replies (16) Good night (6264) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with. http://tfl.nu/dbx0
  Replies (18) Good night (4720) Bad night (1695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral. http://tfl.nu/35ny
  Replies (7) Good night (1420) Bad night (3859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/1tot
  Replies (16) Good night (3715) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner. http://tfl.nu/g7ai
  Replies (5) Good night (6027) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/w7nv
  Replies (18) Good night (4427) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate. http://tfl.nu/wnmg
  Replies (11) Good night (869) Bad night (4880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned. http://tfl.nu/8xw4
  Replies (23) Good night (1306) Bad night (4157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better http://tfl.nu/2vo6
  Replies (4) Good night (735) Bad night (3641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often http://tfl.nu/h6kk
  Replies (7) Good night (2955) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her? http://tfl.nu/n019
  Replies (15) Good night (7593) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this. http://tfl.nu/29p7
  Replies (13) Good night (4227) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on! http://tfl.nu/2bv6
  Replies (10) Good night (3456) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (587): the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away" http://tfl.nu/q751
  Replies (7) Good night (890) Bad night (4887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i cant cry in cvs. not again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): i cant cry in cvs. not again. http://tfl.nu/7epn
  Replies (8) Good night (848) Bad night (3517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well http://tfl.nu/2njp
  Replies (9) Good night (3567) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank http://tfl.nu/3d4y
  Replies (10) Good night (845) Bad night (3819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Found your pants in the mailbox

  (646): View more from New York

  What were my pants doing in the mailbox?

  (516): View more from New York

  I don't know but there's postage on them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Found your pants in the mailbox (646): What were my pants doing in the mailbox? (516): I don't know but there's postage on them http://tfl.nu/6yt8
  Replies (36) Good night (5888) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  She's never allowed to turn 21 again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): She's never allowed to turn 21 again http://tfl.nu/eyqp
  Replies (9) Good night (4522) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment. http://tfl.nu/bb74
  Replies (8) Good night (4335) Bad night (1267)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know. http://tfl.nu/7et1
  Replies (12) Good night (2357) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/1fh9
  Replies (23) Good night (969) Bad night (5248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style. http://tfl.nu/lnre
  Replies (30) Good night (10682) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Are you high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"? (1-630): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/3xxd
  Replies (21) Good night (6458) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?" http://tfl.nu/kb6v
  Replies (12) Good night (5547) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits. http://tfl.nu/d5s5
  Replies (9) Good night (3139) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/ussa
  Replies (37) Good night (2067) Bad night (7613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch! (508): because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking. http://tfl.nu/qlq5
  Replies (19) Good night (8957) Bad night (1135)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now http://tfl.nu/plpv
  Replies (27) Good night (5076) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?

  (1-906): View more from Michigan

  It's okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay? (1-906): It's okay. http://tfl.nu/i6me
  Replies (9) Good night (1162) Bad night (3984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Totally get that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend. (1-248): Totally get that. http://tfl.nu/ho2w
  Replies (13) Good night (6022) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome http://tfl.nu/0ypv
  Replies (11) Good night (1571) Bad night (3967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99... http://tfl.nu/p4eu
  Replies (32) Good night (1650) Bad night (6957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween http://tfl.nu/fww2
  Replies (38) Good night (6133) Bad night (1071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass http://tfl.nu/5gce
  Replies (26) Good night (3999) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening. http://tfl.nu/7ub3
  Replies (11) Good night (1158) Bad night (5693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores http://tfl.nu/lmvr
  Replies (10) Good night (3219) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals. http://tfl.nu/1tkg
  Replies (16) Good night (999) Bad night (4500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
  Replies (18) Good night (7925) Bad night (1722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon. http://tfl.nu/y6s2
  Replies (11) Good night (3735) Bad night (1274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades? http://tfl.nu/s5wu
  Replies (79) Good night (15462) Bad night (2697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it. http://tfl.nu/rt8c
  Replies (10) Good night (3815) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You know i think she's just using me for sex

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): You know i think she's just using me for sex (1-608): I hate you. http://tfl.nu/pxkn
  Replies (13) Good night (5376) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time.. http://tfl.nu/irbs
  Replies (6) Good night (1307) Bad night (4225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever. http://tfl.nu/k2hn
  Replies (90) Good night (1633) Bad night (24206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us? http://tfl.nu/e7z7
  Replies (13) Good night (5037) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where. http://tfl.nu/my2r
  Replies (16) Good night (1315) Bad night (6659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee http://tfl.nu/ouc6
  Replies (23) Good night (5638) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
  Replies (21) Good night (9164) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  how could i say no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka? (1-513): how could i say no? http://tfl.nu/1o9r
  Replies (28) Good night (6303) Bad night (1547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/7nbz
  Replies (28) Good night (4967) Bad night (2099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried. http://tfl.nu/h9l8
  Replies (17) Good night (1996) Bad night (4207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him. http://tfl.nu/c2pz
  Replies (12) Good night (6336) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY http://tfl.nu/b20j
  Replies (14) Good night (6680) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore

  (209): View more from California

  You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore (209): You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect? http://tfl.nu/4y0y
  Replies (20) Good night (1099) Bad night (3852)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Dude you has no fucking this poptart

  (719): View more from Colorado

  What?

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I dont know to explain this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Dude you has no fucking this poptart (719): What? (843): I dont know to explain this. http://tfl.nu/kk1s
  Replies (35) Good night (6523) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in." http://tfl.nu/4iy3
  Replies (24) Good night (5034) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street. http://tfl.nu/tq30
  Replies (7) Good night (2908) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier http://tfl.nu/qh8d
  Replies (10) Good night (4592) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever. http://tfl.nu/bxqj
  Replies (9) Good night (4753) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room. http://tfl.nu/3ukp
  Replies (28) Good night (9606) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/2xfe
  Replies (34) Good night (1642) Bad night (9718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  when are you leaving homes?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I had a sex dream about Oprah.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  go back to sleep

  (302): View more from Delaware

  dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): when are you leaving homes? (610): it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51 (302): I had a sex dream about Oprah. (610): go back to sleep (302): dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah. http://tfl.nu/idf1
  Replies (16) Good night (1264) Bad night (5189)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...? (1-386): Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge. http://tfl.nu/modl
  Replies (31) Good night (2608) Bad night (5275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat. http://tfl.nu/hdie
  Replies (16) Good night (5598) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30" http://tfl.nu/oadk
  Replies (9) Good night (5732) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex... http://tfl.nu/vx0w
  Replies (51) Good night (637) Bad night (5486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever. http://tfl.nu/sgnv
  Replies (9) Good night (4651) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons." http://tfl.nu/jfl4
  Replies (10) Good night (5140) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today. http://tfl.nu/g96b
  Replies (10) Good night (3323) Bad night (1295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation. http://tfl.nu/fqo6
  Replies (11) Good night (3501) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/ptoy
  Replies (39) Good night (5813) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes? http://tfl.nu/t0sq
  Replies (17) Good night (3344) Bad night (1736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun. http://tfl.nu/fiqf
  Replies (10) Good night (4288) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex http://tfl.nu/a38e
  Replies (14) Good night (952) Bad night (4277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it. http://tfl.nu/tlpk
  Replies (9) Good night (3665) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (6008) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry. http://tfl.nu/qm28
  Replies (9) Good night (4615) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (8183) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time http://tfl.nu/hxad
  Replies (19) Good night (5361) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i have one question about last night

  (646): View more from New York

  if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i have one question about last night (646): if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain http://tfl.nu/69sr
  Replies (4) Good night (4203) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot

  (313): View more from Michigan

  He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot (313): He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all http://tfl.nu/6st3
  Replies (23) Good night (7557) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  youre welcome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.." (1-201): youre welcome http://tfl.nu/sjha
  Replies (10) Good night (5594) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  then she stuck her tongue in my ass

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): then she stuck her tongue in my ass (1-515): I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her? http://tfl.nu/wzc5
  Replies (18) Good night (3645) Bad night (1963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly. http://tfl.nu/sulv
  Replies (20) Good night (6187) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts. http://tfl.nu/7tmi
  Replies (36) Good night (9338) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes? http://tfl.nu/wyhr
  Replies (11) Good night (1489) Bad night (3955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy. http://tfl.nu/rek5
  Replies (15) Good night (3901) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night. http://tfl.nu/wu2q
  Replies (20) Good night (1100) Bad night (5379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/q55a
  Replies (11) Good night (5409) Bad night (2092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left. http://tfl.nu/3kuf
  Replies (16) Good night (4946) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter. http://tfl.nu/2ees
  Replies (26) Good night (1493) Bad night (16015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does" http://tfl.nu/16y8
  Replies (16) Good night (1733) Bad night (6510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice http://tfl.nu/slww
  Replies (24) Good night (6908) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this http://tfl.nu/08vw
  Replies (40) Good night (1634) Bad night (6383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it. http://tfl.nu/6k4w
  Replies (18) Good night (4854) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great http://tfl.nu/5yg0
  Replies (8) Good night (1256) Bad night (3341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL. http://tfl.nu/ostw
  Replies (16) Good night (6599) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa. http://tfl.nu/e1sr
  Replies (26) Good night (6621) Bad night (1341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck. http://tfl.nu/gj91
  Replies (23) Good night (1365) Bad night (4549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to poop in the sink last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): You tried to poop in the sink last night. http://tfl.nu/6e7d
  Replies (18) Good night (1222) Bad night (4217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you http://tfl.nu/uhqk
  Replies (16) Good night (4429) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka" http://tfl.nu/7oja
  Replies (6) Good night (5009) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night http://tfl.nu/fwes
  Replies (6) Good night (3918) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea? http://tfl.nu/njfe
  Replies (8) Good night (3989) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right. http://tfl.nu/ehig
  Replies (12) Good night (9741) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/s47d
  Replies (13) Good night (6838) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by
  Replies (35) Good night (2309) Bad night (9948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (20557) Bad night (1834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12746) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12534) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (17635) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (16140) Bad night (1255)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (87) Good night (14333) Bad night (2693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (58) Good night (14645) Bad night (1499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22347) Bad night (1531)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11632) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER. http://tfl.nu/3m46
  Replies (23) Good night (2061) Bad night (3603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex. http://tfl.nu/1j3r
  Replies (36) Good night (907) Bad night (5842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles. http://tfl.nu/usa7
  Replies (27) Good night (1844) Bad night (5577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown. http://tfl.nu/l3ul
  Replies (49) Good night (2194) Bad night (5230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  so you admit it was good then??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600. (1-337): so you admit it was good then?? http://tfl.nu/xl9i
  Replies (27) Good night (8496) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem. http://tfl.nu/4xkw
  Replies (34) Good night (697) Bad night (7067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high... http://tfl.nu/j3oh
  Replies (55) Good night (5662) Bad night (1305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar http://tfl.nu/9kou
  Replies (39) Good night (6290) Bad night (2736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night. http://tfl.nu/0cve
  Replies (71) Good night (1394) Bad night (6145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  should my penis look like a turkey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): should my penis look like a turkey http://tfl.nu/u56w
  Replies (18) Good night (731) Bad night (5187) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I lost count of how many people I peed on last night. http://tfl.nu/e9nm
  Replies (20) Good night (1740) Bad night (4309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/pqtq
  Replies (34) Good night (3158) Bad night (4149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf http://tfl.nu/03ls
  Replies (24) Good night (774) Bad night (13551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check. http://tfl.nu/o1ir
  Replies (10) Good night (931) Bad night (3552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby http://tfl.nu/jjj6
  Replies (18) Good night (1564) Bad night (5081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner... http://tfl.nu/glgi
  Replies (24) Good night (981) Bad night (5200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8916) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

  (518): View more from New York

  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88
  Replies (27) Good night (9150) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part. http://tfl.nu/1dsi
  Replies (28) Good night (7882) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard. http://tfl.nu/weqf
  Replies (42) Good night (6148) Bad night (1611) Order T-Shirt
• </