Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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