No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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