theFungusAmongUs's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest. http://tfl.nu/2kj8
  Replies (4) Good night (689) Bad night (86) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro

  (773): View more from Illinois

  yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro (773): yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house. (708): how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience? http://tfl.nu/hgr9
  Replies (10) Good night (5134) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...

  (303): View more from Colorado

  God works in mysterious ways my friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday... (303): God works in mysterious ways my friend. http://tfl.nu/qprf
  Replies (6) Good night (1380) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there http://tfl.nu/bqch
  Replies (5) Good night (519) Bad night (134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you" http://tfl.nu/enmx
  Replies (9) Good night (229) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt http://tfl.nu/goj5
  Replies (3) Good night (614) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real. http://tfl.nu/5379
  Replies (10) Good night (2122) Bad night (243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up. http://tfl.nu/iahr
  Replies (2) Good night (910) Bad night (303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka. http://tfl.nu/j4b1
  Replies (4) Good night (503) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I need you to use more vowels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar (219): I need you to use more vowels. http://tfl.nu/cjfw
  Replies (15) Good night (8050) Bad night (872)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy. (1-775): I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere. http://tfl.nu/3byv
  Replies (6) Good night (2131) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke? http://tfl.nu/zzrl
  Replies (7) Good night (1375) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am. http://tfl.nu/2bm2
  Replies (9) Good night (1928) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it. http://tfl.nu/i1s8
  Replies (8) Good night (1426) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch. http://tfl.nu/2pha
  Replies (3) Good night (1143) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after? http://tfl.nu/icc6
  Replies (8) Good night (772) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff. http://tfl.nu/snvk
  Replies (8) Good night (1183) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even http://tfl.nu/st9j
  Replies (5) Good night (561) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is. (1-503): It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin... http://tfl.nu/o5cf
  Replies (2) Good night (665) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food. http://tfl.nu/oef6
  Replies (11) Good night (903) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you. http://tfl.nu/su7n
  Replies (11) Good night (2783) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long. http://tfl.nu/ssq5
  Replies (7) Good night (392) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics http://tfl.nu/x92g
  Replies (1) Good night (578) Bad night (208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  this must be what syphilis tastes like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): this must be what syphilis tastes like http://tfl.nu/o277
  Replies (15) Good night (646) Bad night (5871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut

  (714): View more from California

  I think mark twain said that originally

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut (714): I think mark twain said that originally http://tfl.nu/28hc
  Replies (6) Good night (1387) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/rb5a
  Replies (4) Good night (1756) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business. http://tfl.nu/a4r2
  Replies (5) Good night (1983) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  One blow job doesn not make me gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): One blow job doesn not make me gay. http://tfl.nu/ismv
  Replies (86) Good night (2798) Bad night (8296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something. http://tfl.nu/oy26
  Replies (5) Good night (680) Bad night (189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted. http://tfl.nu/jl70
  Replies (6) Good night (1263) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus. http://tfl.nu/psky
  Replies (7) Good night (767) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids http://tfl.nu/id5c
  Replies (13) Good night (1021) Bad night (311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons. http://tfl.nu/somr
  Replies (3) Good night (386) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant http://tfl.nu/bd42
  Replies (9) Good night (935) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (344): View more from

  So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  They're waiting for you to die

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (344): So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof (774): They're waiting for you to die http://tfl.nu/5pk9
  Replies (6) Good night (1867) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess http://tfl.nu/u340
  Replies (7) Good night (324) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don`t remember Saturday, actually

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  Its ok, i dont remember 2007

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I don`t remember Saturday, actually (1-604): Its ok, i dont remember 2007 http://tfl.nu/egxh
  Replies (16) Good night (7593) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns http://tfl.nu/45lv
  Replies (10) Good night (1471) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home. http://tfl.nu/rsl1
  Replies (11) Good night (1275) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome http://tfl.nu/8jcl
  Replies (26) Good night (1967) Bad night (2014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him. http://tfl.nu/bezf
  Replies (18) Good night (1598) Bad night (264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...

  (512): View more from Texas

  This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it (1-512): We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream... (512): This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life. http://tfl.nu/ar28
  Replies (5) Good night (2591) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace http://tfl.nu/uk2m
  Replies (8) Good night (798) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high. http://tfl.nu/970w
  Replies (6) Good night (705) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  That would make regret #10

  (646): View more from New York

  He was more like the original regret

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): That would make regret #10 (646): He was more like the original regret http://tfl.nu/dmkl
  Replies (5) Good night (506) Bad night (366)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day. http://tfl.nu/8ts7
  Replies (6) Good night (313) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  This is why you're my favorite.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass. (815): This is why you're my favorite. http://tfl.nu/6wk2
  Replies (3) Good night (1355) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up. http://tfl.nu/dd2l
  Replies (10) Good night (4440) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first. http://tfl.nu/lmqj
  Replies (8) Good night (1846) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave http://tfl.nu/1hv2
  Replies (1) Good night (736) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience. http://tfl.nu/yfor
  Replies (6) Good night (1461) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual. http://tfl.nu/sj3h
  Replies (6) Good night (1673) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face. http://tfl.nu/ob45
  Replies (6) Good night (748) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS" http://tfl.nu/3w8r
  Replies (14) Good night (1168) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ? http://tfl.nu/ajxd
  Replies (27) Good night (761) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling. http://tfl.nu/t9ar
  Replies (6) Good night (1155) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart. http://tfl.nu/gryu
  Replies (12) Good night (527) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar. http://tfl.nu/yxk9
  Replies (15) Good night (2497) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  I told you to check, dude

  (904): View more from Florida

  Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday. (1-904): I told you to check, dude (904): Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out. http://tfl.nu/ef5z
  Replies (14) Good night (1353) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess. http://tfl.nu/6wvy
  Replies (14) Good night (574) Bad night (1894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast. http://tfl.nu/9len
  Replies (3) Good night (881) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT

  (707): View more from California

  I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.

  (415): View more from California

  I effort

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT (707): I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT. (415): I effort http://tfl.nu/ft8e
  Replies (6) Good night (1338) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me. http://tfl.nu/h17o
  Replies (12) Good night (1118) Bad night (335)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times http://tfl.nu/2nqn
  Replies (7) Good night (2832) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  Dude you were ten when he graduated

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Wahoowaaaaaaa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement (1-434): Dude you were ten when he graduated (434): Wahoowaaaaaaa http://tfl.nu/vark
  Replies (13) Good night (1145) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes! (1-859): please elaborate on, "atleast one ear" http://tfl.nu/8j2w
  Replies (20) Good night (6578) Bad night (1240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone (1-540): I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her http://tfl.nu/pf86
  Replies (27) Good night (3699) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car.. http://tfl.nu/jqo1
  Replies (5) Good night (564) Bad night (2894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike. http://tfl.nu/7q3x
  Replies (2) Good night (917) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down... http://tfl.nu/5zyg
  Replies (6) Good night (2311) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  On my way to the DMV to get arrested

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): On my way to the DMV to get arrested http://tfl.nu/1450
  Replies (8) Good night (948) Bad night (1950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Wow. Its not even 11am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house. (1-973): Wow. Its not even 11am. http://tfl.nu/p3yd
  Replies (3) Good night (2992) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok. http://tfl.nu/1awh
  Replies (10) Good night (2392) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink http://tfl.nu/maij
  Replies (7) Good night (1857) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in. http://tfl.nu/ux6h
  Replies (7) Good night (1102) Bad night (2813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying. http://tfl.nu/oo2a
  Replies (14) Good night (473) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it

  (773): View more from Illinois

  It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it (773): It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact http://tfl.nu/3h4p
  Replies (2) Good night (352) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you. http://tfl.nu/zer9
  Replies (16) Good night (3052) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby. http://tfl.nu/h3ux
  Replies (12) Good night (1240) Bad night (4595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it

  (708): View more from Illinois

  So thats why that cop beat my ass?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Probably

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it (708): So thats why that cop beat my ass? (630): Probably http://tfl.nu/659z
  Replies (7) Good night (2109) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.

  (682): View more from Texas

  Oh yum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck. (682): Oh yum http://tfl.nu/ssz6
  Replies (3) Good night (783) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits. http://tfl.nu/ddql
  Replies (6) Good night (1337) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real. http://tfl.nu/xx9a
  Replies (4) Good night (721) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65502) Bad night (3464)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant. http://tfl.nu/xvk7
  Replies (34) Good night (17885) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (21490) Bad night (3013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (31) Good night (28913) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  How do you jack off and text at the same time?

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  On my iPhone they have an app for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): How do you jack off and text at the same time? (1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that http://tfl.nu/2tk7
  Replies (84) Good night (31375) Bad night (1763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6831) Bad night (40852)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right. http://tfl.nu/ngre
  Replies (9) Good night (3098) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  no. you cant fuck a burger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house (1-215): no. you cant fuck a burger. http://tfl.nu/5325
  Replies (9) Good night (2483) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me". http://tfl.nu/8pyn
  Replies (10) Good night (3917) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Fear?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  FEAR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear. (781): Fear? (617): FEAR. http://tfl.nu/5mzi
  Replies (5) Good night (2677) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special ! http://tfl.nu/2zxz
  Replies (23) Good night (1580) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning. http://tfl.nu/y7jt
  Replies (7) Good night (2142) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though http://tfl.nu/7jbg
  Replies (25) Good night (953) Bad night (2474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took http://tfl.nu/phka
  Replies (6) Good night (1345) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (10444) Bad night (1862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  What if our hands were octopus tentacles?

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  You're an idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): What if our hands were octopus tentacles? (1-662): You're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/2n3l
  Replies (16) Good night (2173) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person. http://tfl.nu/kj3e
  Replies (5) Good night (2395) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell. http://tfl.nu/9drc
  Replies (19) Good night (1694) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics http://tfl.nu/k6wq
  Replies (22) Good night (4000) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business. http://tfl.nu/hekp
  Replies (7) Good night (519) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them. http://tfl.nu/ubes
  Replies (3) Good night (1191) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it. http://tfl.nu/4ii1
  Replies (2) Good night (2832) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  What do you think it is?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): What do you think it is? (615): It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow. http://tfl.nu/3ng4
  Replies (12) Good night (4902) Bad night (1460)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (19688) Bad night (2014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ... http://tfl.nu/q441
  Replies (5) Good night (566) Bad night (1830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you. http://tfl.nu/c5wc
  Replies (24) Good night (4958) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This. http://tfl.nu/r466
  Replies (8) Good night (723) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv. http://tfl.nu/57s8
  Replies (7) Good night (746) Bad night (1632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence http://tfl.nu/qzxi
  Replies (3) Good night (1519) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list. http://tfl.nu/zy3q
  Replies (5) Good night (392) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours http://tfl.nu/g0b7
  Replies (4) Good night (487) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition. http://tfl.nu/pnv9
  Replies (8) Good night (1004) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/2s7h
  Replies (9) Good night (1411) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?! http://tfl.nu/x2ya
  Replies (14) Good night (935) Bad night (3991)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you. http://tfl.nu/sg3o
  Replies (7) Good night (970) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can http://tfl.nu/kb09
  Replies (17) Good night (1370) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You need a twittervention. You're better than this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): You need a twittervention. You're better than this. http://tfl.nu/6sfs
  Replies (7) Good night (641) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again. http://tfl.nu/k6jo
  Replies (4) Good night (1530) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you. http://tfl.nu/ssin
  Replies (4) Good night (1029) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22347) Bad night (1531)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary. http://tfl.nu/ro1x
  Replies (3) Good night (443) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from. http://tfl.nu/x0kt
  Replies (5) Good night (1406) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy. http://tfl.nu/37ux
  Replies (13) Good night (2524) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab. (617): What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family! http://tfl.nu/wlta
  Replies (16) Good night (3727) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle? http://tfl.nu/70g5
  Replies (7) Good night (960) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN http://tfl.nu/tdjl
  Replies (10) Good night (1819) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles". http://tfl.nu/t7tu
  Replies (4) Good night (922) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you? http://tfl.nu/1gun
  Replies (14) Good night (905) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  I thought I could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!' (1-623): I thought I could. http://tfl.nu/l4oh
  Replies (4) Good night (2914) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal http://tfl.nu/8wqr
  Replies (2) Good night (2205) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi http://tfl.nu/26u7
  Replies (3) Good night (1968) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made. http://tfl.nu/tzd1
  Replies (15) Good night (2357) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?" http://tfl.nu/fe0d
  Replies (10) Good night (1761) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story

  (702): View more from Nevada

  they all just nodded

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story (702): they all just nodded http://tfl.nu/l03v
  Replies (6) Good night (2402) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke

  (647): View more from Ontario

  She kept going

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke (647): She kept going http://tfl.nu/fte0
  Replies (2) Good night (1075) Bad night (269)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome. http://tfl.nu/tn3b
  Replies (4) Good night (612) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first. http://tfl.nu/kk3c
  Replies (5) Good night (810) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that. http://tfl.nu/d2qc
  Replies (11) Good night (818) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Did you watch the carolina game tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;) (1-803): Did you watch the carolina game tonight? http://tfl.nu/ae37
  Replies (18) Good night (2155) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly. http://tfl.nu/dwqa
  Replies (58) Good night (1494) Bad night (14373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse http://tfl.nu/neow
  Replies (18) Good night (3389) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me. http://tfl.nu/s5ld
  Replies (8) Good night (3188) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be? http://tfl.nu/nsuv
  Replies (31) Good night (2891) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this" http://tfl.nu/g0yg
  Replies (9) Good night (2051) Bad night (6302)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad" http://tfl.nu/8w1c
  Replies (13) Good night (4551) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis. http://tfl.nu/jvao
  Replies (27) Good night (3799) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level http://tfl.nu/0mkf
  Replies (11) Good night (1318) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Do you know how to give stiches?

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  I do not...this text concerns me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Do you know how to give stiches? (1-612): I do not...this text concerns me http://tfl.nu/8jm1
  Replies (5) Good night (1533) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?! http://tfl.nu/j8i6
  Replies (9) Good night (2009) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of. http://tfl.nu/c44a
  Replies (20) Good night (4208) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I love you bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese (312): Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard? (630): I love you bro http://tfl.nu/jz3g
  Replies (10) Good night (3270) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th? http://tfl.nu/27j9
  Replies (12) Good night (3172) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed. http://tfl.nu/hmgx
  Replies (10) Good night (434) Bad night (1386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy http://tfl.nu/16kg
  Replies (12) Good night (881) Bad night (2894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm eager to hear this explaination.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog... (1-423): I'm eager to hear this explaination. http://tfl.nu/jgrb
  Replies (15) Good night (4600) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers

  (440): View more from Ohio

  its only a rough draft.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers (440): its only a rough draft. http://tfl.nu/pfud
  Replies (10) Good night (3728) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind. http://tfl.nu/3qxe
  Replies (6) Good night (1299) Bad night (2390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day. http://tfl.nu/xpns
  Replies (29) Good night (6050) Bad night (2325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air. http://tfl.nu/cigy
  Replies (8) Good night (1792) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool" http://tfl.nu/agbu
  Replies (4) Good night (2077) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut http://tfl.nu/7c6t
  Replies (19) Good night (5578) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (564): View more from Washington

  He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (564): He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns http://tfl.nu/yiwx
  Replies (13) Good night (4784) Bad night (1525)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate http://tfl.nu/io2z
  Replies (20) Good night (1176) Bad night (3289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight. http://tfl.nu/8jy4
  Replies (4) Good night (1480) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  He's the fucking cop whisperer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt
  Replies (25) Good night (10977) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  this is really not the time to pretend we have morals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): this is really not the time to pretend we have morals http://tfl.nu/j8ot
  Replies (10) Good night (4728) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now. http://tfl.nu/vurn
  Replies (5) Good night (1028) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life? http://tfl.nu/p6xv
  Replies (10) Good night (931) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that. http://tfl.nu/tp3a
  Replies (8) Good night (1289) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens. (1-413): A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck. http://tfl.nu/qib0
  Replies (9) Good night (1282) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo. http://tfl.nu/h4b8
  Replies (15) Good night (493) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine http://tfl.nu/xy6d
  Replies (7) Good night (1439) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot. http://tfl.nu/64ct
  Replies (14) Good night (2288) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm. http://tfl.nu/a20h
  Replies (9) Good night (1617) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe http://tfl.nu/ufvr
  Replies (10) Good night (1349) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry

  (1-307): View more from Wyoming

  I'm hurrying

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Dude. She just shit herself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry (1-307): I'm hurrying (307): Dude. She just shit herself. http://tfl.nu/4o8b
  Replies (21) Good night (767) Bad night (3894)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos" http://tfl.nu/vb8d
  Replies (9) Good night (5137) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement. http://tfl.nu/tf3a
  Replies (6) Good night (2453) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine... http://tfl.nu/hixx
  Replies (12) Good night (3700) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly. http://tfl.nu/i5qz
  Replies (17) Good night (1078) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/dd6j
  Replies (16) Good night (4552) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/laj1
  Replies (28) Good night (991) Bad night (6916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad. http://tfl.nu/yb7a
  Replies (11) Good night (1235) Bad night (3206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette http://tfl.nu/vrto
  Replies (1) Good night (1070) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him. http://tfl.nu/nzef
  Replies (5) Good night (1033) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS http://tfl.nu/bchm
  Replies (11) Good night (1382) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic http://tfl.nu/wmnz
  Replies (5) Good night (1109) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again. http://tfl.nu/m5jy
  Replies (5) Good night (1738) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met? http://tfl.nu/fj36
  Replies (7) Good night (1000) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand. http://tfl.nu/3jk2
  Replies (7) Good night (625) Bad night (1530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul. http://tfl.nu/ljpv
  Replies (8) Good night (1209) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse. http://tfl.nu/g2u2
  Replies (8) Good night (533) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.

  (1-951): View more from California

  This is the first time I'm hearing this information.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you. (1-951): This is the first time I'm hearing this information. http://tfl.nu/wdlz
  Replies (20) Good night (3524) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one. http://tfl.nu/o44o
  Replies (5) Good night (2484) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it. (1-405): i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. " http://tfl.nu/mvrv
  Replies (40) Good night (9586) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER. http://tfl.nu/f0gg
  Replies (7) Good night (828) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me http://tfl.nu/lsz4
  Replies (16) Good night (2787) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea. http://tfl.nu/ejed
  Replies (6) Good night (2378) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.

  (747): View more from California

  Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks. (747): Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either. http://tfl.nu/6mbq
  Replies (22) Good night (3822) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that http://tfl.nu/isr6
  Replies (13) Good night (542) Bad night (1432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational http://tfl.nu/6erv
  Replies (4) Good night (1637) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby http://tfl.nu/eqgg
  Replies (25) Good night (2934) Bad night (6584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  There are paw prints all over my ceiling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): There are paw prints all over my ceiling. http://tfl.nu/gg63
  Replies (12) Good night (3400) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you (860): I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this. http://tfl.nu/r7r6
  Replies (5) Good night (1261) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you. http://tfl.nu/bzso
  Replies (11) Good night (3203) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor http://tfl.nu/nslr
  Replies (9) Good night (1770) Bad night (3089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I have a surprise for you

  (1-254): View more from Texas

  Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I have a surprise for you (1-254): Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy! http://tfl.nu/af5l
  Replies (5) Good night (2291) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship. http://tfl.nu/s5mh
  Replies (17) Good night (2119) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (13232) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  we're about an hour out, how's the weather?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): we're about an hour out, how's the weather? (720): cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home. http://tfl.nu/na0o
  Replies (14) Good night (5946) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics. http://tfl.nu/mn0a
  Replies (6) Good night (768) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me http://tfl.nu/0v3x
  Replies (7) Good night (1485) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that. http://tfl.nu/2d02
  Replies (8) Good night (1033) Bad night (324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it. http://tfl.nu/3ywv
  Replies (25) Good night (5420) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional. (970): Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?" http://tfl.nu/doci
  Replies (8) Good night (3329) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay... http://tfl.nu/tir1
  Replies (20) Good night (1285) Bad night (4566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Sunday is the day of rest.

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): Sunday is the day of rest. (857): As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest. http://tfl.nu/lma5
  Replies (3) Good night (1891) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes. http://tfl.nu/92xn
  Replies (14) Good night (1637) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  I remember it like it was tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love (1-860): I remember it like it was tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/1n7o
  Replies (2) Good night (2056) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid http://tfl.nu/n6y8
  Replies (2) Good night (488) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize http://tfl.nu/2i2r
  Replies (8) Good night (596) Bad night (2458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life http://tfl.nu/tfqf
  Replies (15) Good night (884) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again? http://tfl.nu/uf7o
  Replies (5) Good night (359) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD http://tfl.nu/div0
  Replies (13) Good night (1309) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark. http://tfl.nu/p2c2
  Replies (18) Good night (1275) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring http://tfl.nu/1aqf
  Replies (24) Good night (6947) Bad night (1454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is http://tfl.nu/zc14
  Replies (2) Good night (1096) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college? http://tfl.nu/er5p
  Replies (19) Good night (3980) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos. http://tfl.nu/080u
  Replies (7) Good night (2479) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  To a 70 year old lady?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face" (774): To a 70 year old lady?! http://tfl.nu/99j2
  Replies (20) Good night (4824) Bad night (1912)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  You fool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps. (1-778): You fool. http://tfl.nu/kp0u
  Replies (10) Good night (968) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (377): View more from

  I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (377): I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick" http://tfl.nu/h7rr
  Replies (9) Good night (2187) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.

  (1-315): View more from New York

  How small IS your cock?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing. (1-315): How small IS your cock? http://tfl.nu/y2pr
  Replies (6) Good night (1437) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out" http://tfl.nu/q7ym
  Replies (9) Good night (1078) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question http://tfl.nu/fvr6
  Replies (7) Good night (484) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick. http://tfl.nu/4wtf
  Replies (7) Good night (486) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace. http://tfl.nu/qgcb
  Replies (8) Good night (1342) Bad night (3011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size. http://tfl.nu/ooxc
  Replies (7) Good night (1510) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks. http://tfl.nu/e26o
  Replies (8) Good night (386) Bad night (966)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple. http://tfl.nu/0ujo
  Replies (23) Good night (436) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck. http://tfl.nu/hy5d
  Replies (3) Good night (1619) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Sorry my hands just texted you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Sorry my hands just texted you http://tfl.nu/r5db
  Replies (4) Good night (984) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today. http://tfl.nu/xjgq
  Replies (4) Good night (377) Bad night (1047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you http://tfl.nu/bp7f
  Replies (5) Good night (659) Bad night (1964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero http://tfl.nu/o55w
  Replies (10) Good night (1523) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances http://tfl.nu/ijjs
  Replies (28) Good night (7217) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun. http://tfl.nu/ajrj
  Replies (6) Good night (1553) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock" http://tfl.nu/hp1z
  Replies (26) Good night (4654) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire http://tfl.nu/lsgu
  Replies (7) Good night (2069) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all. http://tfl.nu/vbbe
  Replies (4) Good night (1463) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche? http://tfl.nu/avjw
  Replies (22) Good night (2895) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right. http://tfl.nu/g2lt
  Replies (20) Good night (4449) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED. (1-720): OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby! http://tfl.nu/5dg1
  Replies (2) Good night (1257) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  you seemed to enjoy falling down hill

  (540): View more from Virginia

  wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): you seemed to enjoy falling down hill (540): wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint http://tfl.nu/kb4o
  Replies (4) Good night (1211) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on. http://tfl.nu/mz2g
  Replies (6) Good night (1011) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate! http://tfl.nu/aytf
  Replies (11) Good night (1926) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete. http://tfl.nu/hi8m
  Replies (3) Good night (1217) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming. http://tfl.nu/flfj
  Replies (5) Good night (1390) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance http://tfl.nu/oovm
  Replies (8) Good night (2035) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  "I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken

  (269): View more from Michigan

  "Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): "I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken (269): "Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy http://tfl.nu/49f2
  Replies (7) Good night (1388) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus. http://tfl.nu/3sel
  Replies (10) Good night (1882) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8488) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard http://tfl.nu/fp3r
  Replies (7) Good night (748) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said she liked strap-ons.

  (1-916): View more from California

  SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said she liked strap-ons. (1-916): SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER! http://tfl.nu/41v6
  Replies (14) Good night (2726) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here? http://tfl.nu/bu6m
  Replies (5) Good night (2184) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action" http://tfl.nu/vmud
  Replies (9) Good night (1396) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day. http://tfl.nu/ynaj
  Replies (5) Good night (1111) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job? http://tfl.nu/b7v3
  Replies (17) Good night (1021) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious http://tfl.nu/hhr4
  Replies (9) Good night (1962) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  By a pack of ravenous dildos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right? (1-615): By a pack of ravenous dildos http://tfl.nu/hx21
  Replies (3) Good night (1926) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it. http://tfl.nu/ttfm
  Replies (26) Good night (4572) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them. http://tfl.nu/hk6n
  Replies (0) Good night (902) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm pregnant.

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I'm pregnant. (1-407): The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number??? http://tfl.nu/ivb7
  Replies (17) Good night (1527) Bad night (2125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection... http://tfl.nu/jbgn
  Replies (20) Good night (1743) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us. (1-304): Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat? (304): No there was a goat. I gave it a donut. http://tfl.nu/bds8
  Replies (15) Good night (6291) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that http://tfl.nu/vsra
  Replies (34) Good night (5604) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (51) Good night (14871) Bad night (2242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill? http://tfl.nu/quyz
  Replies (11) Good night (1463) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire? http://tfl.nu/hf7l
  Replies (14) Good night (1651) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk. http://tfl.nu/8anb
  Replies (11) Good night (2802) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.

  (619): View more from California

  I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.

  (760): View more from California

  I referred to the cat as amicable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat. (619): I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race. (760): I referred to the cat as amicable. http://tfl.nu/ls44
  Replies (4) Good night (1417) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone http://tfl.nu/crvf
  Replies (2) Good night (871) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy. http://tfl.nu/gwon
  Replies (4) Good night (781) Bad night (2771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole http://tfl.nu/78ec
  Replies (7) Good night (2713) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time. http://tfl.nu/q2s4
  Replies (27) Good night (3825) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself. http://tfl.nu/4nxp
  Replies (10) Good night (1948) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex http://tfl.nu/i4z0
  Replies (13) Good night (507) Bad night (2960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults. http://tfl.nu/yz23
  Replies (4) Good night (2053) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation. (1-806): It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that. http://tfl.nu/9jn5
  Replies (13) Good night (1822) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear http://tfl.nu/ak00
  Replies (5) Good night (1503) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case

  (573): View more from Missouri

  WTF.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case (573): WTF. http://tfl.nu/t6hg
  Replies (6) Good night (1370) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery. (202): That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics. http://tfl.nu/1mv0
  Replies (28) Good night (2831) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica http://tfl.nu/lleg
  Replies (2) Good night (1821) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends. http://tfl.nu/ft9d
  Replies (17) Good night (4263) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he was once again the drunkest girl at the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): he was once again the drunkest girl at the party http://tfl.nu/18ag
  Replies (4) Good night (1964) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  and u failed math?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): 2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people (763): and u failed math? http://tfl.nu/331s
  Replies (20) Good night (2746) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal. (1-503): THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO http://tfl.nu/95vh
  Replies (10) Good night (2544) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar. (1-703): I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up? http://tfl.nu/a4zj
  Replies (55) Good night (11754) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight. http://tfl.nu/fhx0
  Replies (4) Good night (1522) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?

  (626): View more from California

  That's two questions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away? (626): That's two questions. http://tfl.nu/0koe
  Replies (4) Good night (1718) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Sex on roller skates

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Floating mattress

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Sex on roller skates (202): Floating mattress (301): Tie http://tfl.nu/1xsm
  Replies (7) Good night (1701) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone. http://tfl.nu/y1zp
  Replies (15) Good night (1406) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO. http://tfl.nu/k62i
  Replies (8) Good night (3331) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy http://tfl.nu/v81p
  Replies (41) Good night (4444) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina. http://tfl.nu/wkh7
  Replies (13) Good night (862) Bad night (1954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka. http://tfl.nu/40xv
  Replies (4) Good night (2353) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago. http://tfl.nu/sxj3
  Replies (11) Good night (3603) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that

  (850): View more from Florida

  im pretty sure thats an 11

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that (850): im pretty sure thats an 11 http://tfl.nu/g2lw
  Replies (23) Good night (4089) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window. http://tfl.nu/kuhj
  Replies (6) Good night (911) Bad night (2761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I think about you every night.

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I think about you every night. (1-281): I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/c1b1
  Replies (14) Good night (579) Bad night (2111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  what?

  (520): View more from Arizona

  YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP! (1-520): what? (520): YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?! http://tfl.nu/3cop
  Replies (38) Good night (681) Bad night (3972)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Do you have swine flu?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  Pigs, yes. Swine, no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Do you have swine flu? (1-202): I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine. (1-202): Pigs, yes. Swine, no. http://tfl.nu/dq8y
  Replies (1) Good night (455) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm coming over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay. (713): I'm coming over. http://tfl.nu/32wi
  Replies (30) Good night (3925) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woah.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  that's not how you spell hell yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you? (1-918): Woah. (918): that's not how you spell hell yes. http://tfl.nu/i519
  Replies (56) Good night (7315) Bad night (1110)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate. http://tfl.nu/25ho
  Replies (17) Good night (4665) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (455): View more from

  As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (455): As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time." http://tfl.nu/cmn4
  Replies (10) Good night (502) Bad night (2059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia. http://tfl.nu/toig
  Replies (6) Good night (1020) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/jn2c
  Replies (12) Good night (660) Bad night (3930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection http://tfl.nu/e8qx
  Replies (24) Good night (913) Bad night (5507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college. http://tfl.nu/wt8u
  Replies (8) Good night (1220) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that. http://tfl.nu/2jzp
  Replies (27) Good night (8688) Bad night (3178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?! http://tfl.nu/7d9u
  Replies (8) Good night (2224) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  am i morally bankrupt?

  (970): View more from Colorado

  no. its just the recession

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): am i morally bankrupt? (970): no. its just the recession http://tfl.nu/r26w
  Replies (5) Good night (2582) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!" http://tfl.nu/mldx
  Replies (5) Good night (2276) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be. http://tfl.nu/ssx0
  Replies (5) Good night (2093) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51794) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (116) Good night (65566) Bad night (3924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80310) Bad night (4337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (182) Good night (93621) Bad night (4625)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (383) Good night (128563) Bad night (4085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just make sure my intervention has a theme...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Just make sure my intervention has a theme... http://tfl.nu/wrxo
  Replies (9) Good night (1500) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night... http://tfl.nu/707e
  Replies (15) Good night (3147) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint. (740): Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint. http://tfl.nu/vk5s
  Replies (22) Good night (693) Bad night (5288)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops http://tfl.nu/nsjn
  Replies (5) Good night (621) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand. http://tfl.nu/dp2x
  Replies (6) Good night (1482) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms. http://tfl.nu/29v1
  Replies (18) Good night (893) Bad night (2430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Now it's a party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face. (1-270): Now it's a party. http://tfl.nu/6390
  Replies (10) Good night (1145) Bad night (2376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango (1-717): IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN. http://tfl.nu/b5hl
  Replies (44) Good night (1478) Bad night (5124)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (32) Good night (17011) Bad night (1222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her. http://tfl.nu/6ypm
  Replies (49) Good night (17509) Bad night (938)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We need to rekindle our bromance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): We need to rekindle our bromance http://tfl.nu/aprz
  Replies (48) Good night (8474) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (139) Good night (38609) Bad night (1482)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister. http://tfl.nu/u6ro
  Replies (20) Good night (928) Bad night (4654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous? http://tfl.nu/yl4t
  Replies (9) Good night (1599) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk. http://tfl.nu/g688
  Replies (2) Good night (2219) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  just found the deal breaker

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  hairy back?

  (251): View more from Alabama

  he can't live within 1000 ft of a school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): just found the deal breaker (1-251): hairy back? (251): he can't live within 1000 ft of a school http://tfl.nu/kwkd
  Replies (73) Good night (876) Bad night (14130)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk. http://tfl.nu/ok5q
  Replies (9) Good night (1096) Bad night (2138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out http://tfl.nu/559d
  Replies (20) Good night (3442) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate. http://tfl.nu/ujin
  Replies (7) Good night (2391) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital." http://tfl.nu/3xux
  Replies (7) Good night (4228) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/of56
  Replies (30) Good night (6823) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard. http://tfl.nu/t4z0
  Replies (6) Good night (2300) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR. (705): I NEED to see if his girl has a sister. http://tfl.nu/ou19
  Replies (9) Good night (2648) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this http://tfl.nu/b1b0
  Replies (10) Good night (2251) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Omg I think I'm in the wrong class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning (519): Omg I think I'm in the wrong class http://tfl.nu/znqx
  Replies (11) Good night (3737) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up http://tfl.nu/l4k9
  Replies (6) Good night (622) Bad night (1457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (179) Good night (86021) Bad night (3115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick http://tfl.nu/qnn8
  Replies (21) Good night (1317) Bad night (1934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her? http://tfl.nu/6frm
  Replies (34) Good night (1113) Bad night (3081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (148) Good night (6929) Bad night (69273)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?

  (425): View more from Washington

  Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again? (425): Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing. http://tfl.nu/l4cd
  Replies (11) Good night (4434) Bad night (551)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened? http://tfl.nu/ksd8
  Replies (12) Good night (565) Bad night (1750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite http://tfl.nu/v7zy
  Replies (6) Good night (1236) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack. http://tfl.nu/ll0f
  Replies (11) Good night (461) Bad night (1540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  This is the high leading the old right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): This is the high leading the old right now http://tfl.nu/zdtd
  Replies (1) Good night (1172) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans? (1-850): It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it? http://tfl.nu/e1h9
  Replies (5) Good night (1764) Bad night (1202)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold. http://tfl.nu/cgsp
  Replies (7) Good night (1265) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can. http://tfl.nu/3ex5
  Replies (7) Good night (788) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime http://tfl.nu/biqg
  Replies (9) Good night (2039) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me. http://tfl.nu/xee4
  Replies (8) Good night (2309) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends http://tfl.nu/3qzm
  Replies (49) Good night (771) Bad night (3379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages. http://tfl.nu/6dga
  Replies (5) Good night (1175) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes http://tfl.nu/y839
  Replies (3) Good night (1332) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid. http://tfl.nu/85w7
  Replies (8) Good night (2087) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it. http://tfl.nu/6uvx
  Replies (10) Good night (2613) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck. http://tfl.nu/363f
  Replies (11) Good night (1690) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly. http://tfl.nu/0x8b
  Replies (6) Good night (1923) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.' http://tfl.nu/nfi4
  Replies (3) Good night (680) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore http://tfl.nu/seg6
  Replies (11) Good night (696) Bad night (2230)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin... http://tfl.nu/5fas
  Replies (29) Good night (2859) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI http://tfl.nu/k5sn
  Replies (13) Good night (577) Bad night (1348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay. http://tfl.nu/tpqf
  Replies (25) Good night (5847) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex.. http://tfl.nu/qolf
  Replies (5) Good night (1471) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.

  (1-707): View more from California

  Put down the everclear and go to bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I kinda wanna eat your hands right now. (1-707): Put down the everclear and go to bed. http://tfl.nu/rmaf
  Replies (1) Good night (1735) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Why didn't I see you last night!?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Why didn't I see you last night!? (1-203): We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you. http://tfl.nu/iqgq
  Replies (6) Good night (5075) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning. http://tfl.nu/v2mo
  Replies (8) Good night (1830) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem? http://tfl.nu/k3dz
  Replies (4) Good night (2981) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done? http://tfl.nu/t5qr
  Replies (13) Good night (2691) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend. http://tfl.nu/pm1j
  Replies (13) Good night (3001) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out? http://tfl.nu/h2y5
  Replies (19) Good night (2152) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door. http://tfl.nu/6ofj
  Replies (19) Good night (6175) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside http://tfl.nu/s7y4
  Replies (12) Good night (2597) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ?? http://tfl.nu/6vfo
  Replies (9) Good night (3283) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just arrived at our party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis (773): Just arrived at our party http://tfl.nu/7hao
  Replies (18) Good night (3608) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party. http://tfl.nu/q2r5
  Replies (4) Good night (3719) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week! http://tfl.nu/rhq7
  Replies (4) Good night (1769) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study. http://tfl.nu/bvl6
  Replies (10) Good night (3531) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much

  (352): View more from Florida

  Like they're going to fly away?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much (352): Like they're going to fly away? http://tfl.nu/z6w4
  Replies (10) Good night (4693) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate. http://tfl.nu/fawd
  Replies (5) Good night (1474) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore. http://tfl.nu/4rua
  Replies (7) Good night (747) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week. (1-757): It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell. http://tfl.nu/5ztt
  Replies (6) Good night (2567) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay http://tfl.nu/vfh5
  Replies (13) Good night (886) Bad night (2015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea? http://tfl.nu/286d
  Replies (15) Good night (1968) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss. http://tfl.nu/wyge
  Replies (12) Good night (4178) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/ihmp
  Replies (5) Good night (1893) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE (1-847): This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to. http://tfl.nu/xeyh
  Replies (15) Good night (4243) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  did you find a tooth?

  (254): View more from Texas

  did you lose one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): did you find a tooth? (254): did you lose one? http://tfl.nu/1ieh
  Replies (16) Good night (3433) Bad night (1203)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring http://tfl.nu/ljb6
  Replies (10) Good night (2680) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm? http://tfl.nu/cxi2
  Replies (7) Good night (3372) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now http://tfl.nu/l7gb
  Replies (11) Good night (3459) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up. http://tfl.nu/sv5z
  Replies (4) Good night (1598) Bad night (1226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex. http://tfl.nu/xk62
  Replies (7) Good night (1582) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus http://tfl.nu/il4r
  Replies (12) Good night (884) Bad night (1136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night http://tfl.nu/8wbo
  Replies (8) Good night (3768) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking http://tfl.nu/q6i0
  Replies (17) Good night (3936) Bad night (1661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip http://tfl.nu/86nj
  Replies (20) Good night (4129) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina http://tfl.nu/ae28
  Replies (10) Good night (2771) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off. http://tfl.nu/fj7u
  Replies (12) Good night (2569) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS http://tfl.nu/2yyy
  Replies (5) Good night (2873) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper. (1-604): please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night. http://tfl.nu/j80d
  Replies (11) Good night (5281) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment. http://tfl.nu/68lb
  Replies (7) Good night (1875) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt