Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
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