No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
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