I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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