I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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