Le_Todd's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal... http://tfl.nu/9xti
  Replies (20) Good night (1300) Bad night (3135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i came on her dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): i came on her dog http://tfl.nu/ocp2
  Replies (45) Good night (2085) Bad night (6618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...

  (425): View more from Washington

  Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies... (425): Let's let the open bar be the judge of that. http://tfl.nu/ch8t
  Replies (7) Good night (5641) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (03): View more from

  you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (03): you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!! http://tfl.nu/e67e
  Replies (18) Good night (6843) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was? http://tfl.nu/e02a
  Replies (21) Good night (1384) Bad night (4514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES. http://tfl.nu/rhol
  Replies (32) Good night (1508) Bad night (6826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another. http://tfl.nu/sx70
  Replies (11) Good night (4269) Bad night (1456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot http://tfl.nu/xdnv
  Replies (27) Good night (6921) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake http://tfl.nu/bl2k
  Replies (42) Good night (8675) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there http://tfl.nu/89or
  Replies (36) Good night (933) Bad night (7059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  630.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains? (1-678): 630. http://tfl.nu/hncc
  Replies (22) Good night (6612) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls. http://tfl.nu/stc1
  Replies (8) Good night (3636) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone. http://tfl.nu/7h78
  Replies (8) Good night (818) Bad night (2972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him http://tfl.nu/pw5n
  Replies (36) Good night (7150) Bad night (1880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on. http://tfl.nu/cwci
  Replies (12) Good night (903) Bad night (3315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober. http://tfl.nu/eick
  Replies (13) Good night (6346) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/zyub
  Replies (33) Good night (10248) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off. http://tfl.nu/9btz
  Replies (26) Good night (6139) Bad night (1810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents. http://tfl.nu/6leg
  Replies (33) Good night (10664) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does. http://tfl.nu/p0z8
  Replies (14) Good night (1645) Bad night (3305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student... http://tfl.nu/ab9h
  Replies (25) Good night (5851) Bad night (1660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back. http://tfl.nu/dznq
  Replies (6) Good night (4482) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at. http://tfl.nu/ro5c
  Replies (11) Good night (5837) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj
  Replies (27) Good night (8384) Bad night (1499)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic. http://tfl.nu/b2ov
  Replies (15) Good night (1498) Bad night (5709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just realized these events may be related.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window. (352): Just realized these events may be related. http://tfl.nu/i6sd
  Replies (21) Good night (6256) Bad night (1843)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me. http://tfl.nu/z6eo
  Replies (36) Good night (19454) Bad night (1409)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (87) Good night (14307) Bad night (2663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!" http://tfl.nu/hob5
  Replies (12) Good night (5379) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat. http://tfl.nu/1cgn
  Replies (33) Good night (2827) Bad night (4274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me. http://tfl.nu/8txy
  Replies (13) Good night (1547) Bad night (5826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (51) Good night (13480) Bad night (1255)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way http://tfl.nu/xurx
  Replies (12) Good night (7172) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out. http://tfl.nu/anew
  Replies (22) Good night (8526) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year http://tfl.nu/qbpm
  Replies (20) Good night (5122) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still http://tfl.nu/1pcd
  Replies (9) Good night (1566) Bad night (2839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out (1-860): Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins http://tfl.nu/pc38
  Replies (34) Good night (1563) Bad night (4156)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook. (231): i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment. http://tfl.nu/fvdt
  Replies (41) Good night (1895) Bad night (5292)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  Perfectly normal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?" (1-440): Perfectly normal. http://tfl.nu/lsmy
  Replies (15) Good night (6406) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up". http://tfl.nu/5shs
  Replies (39) Good night (11080) Bad night (1670)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9563) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public? http://tfl.nu/9yr1
  Replies (33) Good night (1456) Bad night (4474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you still have morals?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike (303): you still have morals? (443): Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole http://tfl.nu/6ecs
  Replies (46) Good night (9508) Bad night (1256)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
  Replies (137) Good night (6773) Bad night (5335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud? (262): Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing http://tfl.nu/ndin
  Replies (20) Good night (6004) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you" http://tfl.nu/sv8k
  Replies (41) Good night (4416) Bad night (8694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+47): View more from Norway

  i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+47): i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls http://tfl.nu/1fkx
  Replies (48) Good night (10408) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again http://tfl.nu/ne0q
  Replies (23) Good night (1469) Bad night (7491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ..So we should take it off Youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os
  Replies (28) Good night (10931) Bad night (1528)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone http://tfl.nu/czmq
  Replies (8) Good night (3961) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade. http://tfl.nu/j0qu
  Replies (65) Good night (3291) Bad night (6406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life http://tfl.nu/2cua
  Replies (27) Good night (6503) Bad night (1068)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common http://tfl.nu/qmer
  Replies (47) Good night (1241) Bad night (4339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar http://tfl.nu/9kou
  Replies (39) Good night (6280) Bad night (2721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid http://tfl.nu/btyl
  Replies (22) Good night (4469) Bad night (1941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go http://tfl.nu/d1mz
  Replies (15) Good night (5123) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this http://tfl.nu/xbb7
  Replies (21) Good night (899) Bad night (4185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me. http://tfl.nu/d9on
  Replies (18) Good night (4480) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator http://tfl.nu/bsby
  Replies (21) Good night (7117) Bad night (1423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (37) Good night (9695) Bad night (1197)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck. http://tfl.nu/ymmz
  Replies (24) Good night (4237) Bad night (2018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology. http://tfl.nu/8ghc
  Replies (18) Good night (1057) Bad night (3852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed. http://tfl.nu/4z6k
  Replies (26) Good night (8376) Bad night (1238)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (10178) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me. http://tfl.nu/jccz
  Replies (26) Good night (859) Bad night (3886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me. http://tfl.nu/6hfm
  Replies (18) Good night (4690) Bad night (2024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING http://tfl.nu/vg2h
  Replies (18) Good night (5796) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls. http://tfl.nu/oc6k
  Replies (36) Good night (1245) Bad night (5986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (70) Good night (13016) Bad night (5279)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (86) Good night (2976) Bad night (15016)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation. http://tfl.nu/7b12
  Replies (28) Good night (1232) Bad night (7323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm. http://tfl.nu/5svr
  Replies (17) Good night (2517) Bad night (3913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  six.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Oh, I thought it was higher.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  No, that would be the Matt's

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Another one? Damn, how many David's is that? (1-904): six. (904): Oh, I thought it was higher. (1-904): No, that would be the Matt's http://tfl.nu/8llg
  Replies (33) Good night (6585) Bad night (1398)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
  Replies (32) Good night (10871) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it. http://tfl.nu/vg3u
  Replies (22) Good night (6017) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet. http://tfl.nu/fy09
  Replies (16) Good night (6247) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (51) Good night (15120) Bad night (3707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  No thats like a top 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night? (1-918): No thats like a top 10 http://tfl.nu/uawo
  Replies (35) Good night (6502) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway. http://tfl.nu/j8p7
  Replies (28) Good night (1212) Bad night (9545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

  (714): View more from California

  Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj
  Replies (37) Good night (9684) Bad night (1455)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (50) Good night (12007) Bad night (1473)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird. http://tfl.nu/16ps
  Replies (15) Good night (4253) Bad night (1119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom. http://tfl.nu/dmbr
  Replies (16) Good night (2032) Bad night (6555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10424) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name. http://tfl.nu/axbm
  Replies (33) Good night (1398) Bad night (13495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14647) Bad night (1662)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them http://tfl.nu/3anm
  Replies (10) Good night (3176) Bad night (1576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  That's funny. Are they weird looking???

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart. (1-262): That's funny. Are they weird looking??? (262): OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS. http://tfl.nu/egmz
  Replies (38) Good night (8763) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill http://tfl.nu/6vp9
  Replies (148) Good night (3401) Bad night (12190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you. http://tfl.nu/04eg
  Replies (25) Good night (7057) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing. http://tfl.nu/yp46
  Replies (22) Good night (1648) Bad night (5002)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad? (952): You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him.... http://tfl.nu/ht91
  Replies (37) Good night (1982) Bad night (7827)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo http://tfl.nu/ot2w
  Replies (41) Good night (5571) Bad night (1534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (65) Good night (27825) Bad night (1798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush. http://tfl.nu/5pf3
  Replies (13) Good night (5113) Bad night (1561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud? http://tfl.nu/2vhi
  Replies (27) Good night (7692) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (418): I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach. http://tfl.nu/7gys
  Replies (15) Good night (6658) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry http://tfl.nu/ty7k
  Replies (16) Good night (7749) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (9823) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out. http://tfl.nu/fs1q
  Replies (15) Good night (1154) Bad night (4626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (63) Good night (27865) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q
  Replies (58) Good night (16489) Bad night (1836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account. http://tfl.nu/m8a3
  Replies (65) Good night (1367) Bad night (19302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free. http://tfl.nu/2six
  Replies (42) Good night (9676) Bad night (1503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL http://tfl.nu/4831
  Replies (56) Good night (1424) Bad night (5895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (38) Good night (21295) Bad night (1994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody. http://tfl.nu/gh8f
  Replies (17) Good night (7155) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you? http://tfl.nu/lfio
  Replies (72) Good night (20802) Bad night (3574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (13538) Bad night (5082)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad. http://tfl.nu/8fn1
  Replies (68) Good night (11805) Bad night (2712)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning. http://tfl.nu/zsoe
  Replies (34) Good night (1137) Bad night (9517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life. http://tfl.nu/7cvo
  Replies (21) Good night (8502) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?

  (1-518): View more from New York

  dude. you drew those with your dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from? (1-518): dude. you drew those with your dick http://tfl.nu/4t0i
  Replies (24) Good night (7178) Bad night (1327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit http://tfl.nu/qd4t
  Replies (63) Good night (1055) Bad night (7347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What?!

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom... (1-913): What?! (913): Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!! http://tfl.nu/4m0s
  Replies (35) Good night (862) Bad night (8805)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard. http://tfl.nu/iuc0
  Replies (20) Good night (4646) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1719) Bad night (10733)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just saw the nastiest chick.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Where?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I just saw the nastiest chick. (1-603): Where? (603): woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you http://tfl.nu/hbsk
  Replies (43) Good night (1178) Bad night (8144)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance. http://tfl.nu/vgvp
  Replies (69) Good night (8804) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama. (770): WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?! http://tfl.nu/mh7d
  Replies (49) Good night (1221) Bad night (6938)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work" http://tfl.nu/x4nq
  Replies (40) Good night (695) Bad night (10451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family? http://tfl.nu/vek9
  Replies (72) Good night (1804) Bad night (7831)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down. http://tfl.nu/fg57
  Replies (19) Good night (6898) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah. http://tfl.nu/e2zc
  Replies (71) Good night (774) Bad night (6700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it. http://tfl.nu/dv65
  Replies (45) Good night (10822) Bad night (2456)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like http://tfl.nu/8q6a
  Replies (18) Good night (1305) Bad night (4647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was... http://tfl.nu/29hb
  Replies (31) Good night (4006) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often. http://tfl.nu/82c7
  Replies (25) Good night (753) Bad night (4951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob. http://tfl.nu/zgkj
  Replies (33) Good night (8976) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2 http://tfl.nu/k675
  Replies (47) Good night (3955) Bad night (9330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci
  Replies (27) Good night (7816) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!! http://tfl.nu/6hir
  Replies (19) Good night (5445) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke http://tfl.nu/ag71
  Replies (25) Good night (817) Bad night (7364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom http://tfl.nu/qu7d
  Replies (17) Good night (946) Bad night (3585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself http://tfl.nu/tgru
  Replies (18) Good night (3170) Bad night (4469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality http://tfl.nu/65cw
  Replies (44) Good night (7406) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic http://tfl.nu/fwzo
  Replies (58) Good night (926) Bad night (5410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing? http://tfl.nu/8p36
  Replies (26) Good night (917) Bad night (3466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick! http://tfl.nu/dynw
  Replies (56) Good night (1184) Bad night (8986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/iaie
  Replies (44) Good night (1236) Bad night (13075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it. http://tfl.nu/hjdx
  Replies (79) Good night (9075) Bad night (2692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby.... http://tfl.nu/2jxq
  Replies (16) Good night (2618) Bad night (3698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually http://tfl.nu/zmvh
  Replies (19) Good night (7904) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer. http://tfl.nu/2j6i
  Replies (76) Good night (15364) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it. http://tfl.nu/8sm7
  Replies (75) Good night (21609) Bad night (2485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ?? http://tfl.nu/0nsh
  Replies (54) Good night (1150) Bad night (4469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood' http://tfl.nu/xp6j
  Replies (14) Good night (1876) Bad night (6847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom. http://tfl.nu/90oj
  Replies (32) Good night (1226) Bad night (4762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?! http://tfl.nu/jlrn
  Replies (32) Good night (595) Bad night (5915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore" http://tfl.nu/gl8n
  Replies (36) Good night (6841) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone http://tfl.nu/hyr8
  Replies (240) Good night (1957) Bad night (8261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg. http://tfl.nu/rk1z
  Replies (38) Good night (667) Bad night (11462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank http://tfl.nu/98ag
  Replies (59) Good night (5093) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): 'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option http://tfl.nu/mpq0
  Replies (18) Good night (5124) Bad night (1548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (54016) Bad night (4397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault" http://tfl.nu/a193
  Replies (16) Good night (1380) Bad night (6241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country. http://tfl.nu/tafy
  Replies (261) Good night (20353) Bad night (1969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian. http://tfl.nu/kify
  Replies (58) Good night (8633) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm http://tfl.nu/y579
  Replies (27) Good night (7318) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie. http://tfl.nu/xp3y
  Replies (36) Good night (6986) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives http://tfl.nu/13r9
  Replies (15) Good night (3912) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations http://tfl.nu/eytk
  Replies (16) Good night (5485) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine.... http://tfl.nu/xp53
  Replies (28) Good night (1961) Bad night (4346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married http://tfl.nu/xv8o
  Replies (68) Good night (13125) Bad night (1357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I puked off the balcony.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Not horrible

  (831): View more from California

  Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I puked off the balcony. (1-831): Not horrible (831): Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza. http://tfl.nu/7wv6
  Replies (11) Good night (2227) Bad night (8887)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (31707) Bad night (2853)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over. http://tfl.nu/nwsy
  Replies (40) Good night (15834) Bad night (2043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (20263) Bad night (2106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him. http://tfl.nu/jf24
  Replies (48) Good night (626) Bad night (3652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra. http://tfl.nu/ga1u
  Replies (68) Good night (27427) Bad night (1643)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him. http://tfl.nu/jidd
  Replies (27) Good night (6833) Bad night (1420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits? http://tfl.nu/qmc8
  Replies (55) Good night (4822) Bad night (1697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave" http://tfl.nu/shdd
  Replies (34) Good night (5354) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash http://tfl.nu/m3vz
  Replies (15) Good night (7507) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (16850) Bad night (1252)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate http://tfl.nu/yf54
  Replies (64) Good night (4648) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You spelled "worthless" wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note. (773): You spelled "worthless" wrong. http://tfl.nu/nbo3
  Replies (66) Good night (1440) Bad night (8448)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section. http://tfl.nu/g47a
  Replies (44) Good night (1925) Bad night (5966)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes. (1-434): Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/t985
  Replies (54) Good night (1363) Bad night (13430)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  three words: i give head

  (770): View more from Georgia

  three words: not that well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): three words: i give head (770): three words: not that well http://tfl.nu/mukd
  Replies (65) Good night (1178) Bad night (8387)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat? http://tfl.nu/beg4
  Replies (64) Good night (10874) Bad night (1755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole. http://tfl.nu/haw4
  Replies (64) Good night (1350) Bad night (5604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet?? http://tfl.nu/wkxa
  Replies (39) Good night (1198) Bad night (5394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier. http://tfl.nu/mu3y
  Replies (36) Good night (1166) Bad night (7308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss http://tfl.nu/w0b9
  Replies (34) Good night (5735) Bad night (1326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think. http://tfl.nu/cvjv
  Replies (16) Good night (4161) Bad night (1238)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name? http://tfl.nu/3ka4
  Replies (38) Good night (7715) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon. http://tfl.nu/l4la
  Replies (25) Good night (6609) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth." http://tfl.nu/c9w9
  Replies (15) Good night (7581) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!' http://tfl.nu/lcp1
  Replies (14) Good night (4786) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture http://tfl.nu/o7a7
  Replies (32) Good night (1823) Bad night (8129) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call" http://tfl.nu/7z02
  Replies (29) Good night (9754) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning http://tfl.nu/5v1w
  Replies (17) Good night (2600) Bad night (3255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.. http://tfl.nu/e7l5
  Replies (39) Good night (8031) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend http://tfl.nu/2gsx
  Replies (74) Good night (3072) Bad night (9867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame' http://tfl.nu/un7j
  Replies (16) Good night (3794) Bad night (3891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up. (812): I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls? http://tfl.nu/pl92
  Replies (25) Good night (13843) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!

  (315): View more from New York

  ... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?! (315): ... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher... http://tfl.nu/j2jz
  Replies (19) Good night (1390) Bad night (4394)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know she was great

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day (267): I know she was great http://tfl.nu/ms90
  Replies (26) Good night (6731) Bad night (1288)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): kindergarten is hard when you're hung over. http://tfl.nu/68v6
  Replies (23) Good night (5198) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job. (651): again? http://tfl.nu/ai0g
  Replies (11) Good night (888) Bad night (4736)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple

  (1-631): View more from New York

  whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple (1-631): whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread? http://tfl.nu/vnh0
  Replies (31) Good night (4220) Bad night (1363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE" http://tfl.nu/e95g
  Replies (18) Good night (935) Bad night (4105)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried. http://tfl.nu/7tbj
  Replies (16) Good night (5252) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (833) Good night (142122) Bad night (9305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out. http://tfl.nu/7k9a
  Replies (11) Good night (5322) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized http://tfl.nu/4l7y
  Replies (22) Good night (787) Bad night (6115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this." http://tfl.nu/rnir
  Replies (45) Good night (851) Bad night (6406)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang". http://tfl.nu/9dw0
  Replies (67) Good night (25462) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!" http://tfl.nu/plpd
  Replies (11) Good night (5210) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping http://tfl.nu/lm3k
  Replies (12) Good night (3955) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers. http://tfl.nu/ujt7
  Replies (13) Good night (535) Bad night (3210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles" http://tfl.nu/049n
  Replies (63) Good night (12723) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits.. http://tfl.nu/aan9
  Replies (91) Good night (4808) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant http://tfl.nu/517l
  Replies (17) Good night (5146) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves. http://tfl.nu/rn3o
  Replies (41) Good night (12276) Bad night (1391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra http://tfl.nu/fzzx
  Replies (5) Good night (3647) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store. (859): Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks. http://tfl.nu/01yd
  Replies (24) Good night (852) Bad night (3208)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her. http://tfl.nu/ymnu
  Replies (36) Good night (4540) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (896): View more from

  i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (896): i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself. http://tfl.nu/abgv
  Replies (9) Good night (3332) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I should be sponsored by Trojan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I should be sponsored by Trojan http://tfl.nu/5ivb
  Replies (15) Good night (4408) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself. http://tfl.nu/xzvt
  Replies (74) Good night (821) Bad night (4876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward. http://tfl.nu/8jbn
  Replies (16) Good night (3412) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass http://tfl.nu/e85a
  Replies (35) Good night (4159) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  you can....by speaking....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook (1-401): you can....by speaking.... http://tfl.nu/42zu
  Replies (16) Good night (2213) Bad night (2613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos. http://tfl.nu/15bf
  Replies (74) Good night (17432) Bad night (1315)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR. http://tfl.nu/oyj0
  Replies (16) Good night (13507) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck (312): Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to? http://tfl.nu/odqf
  Replies (72) Good night (1935) Bad night (9061)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  bl l w

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): bl l w (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel. http://tfl.nu/4an5
  Replies (63) Good night (8276) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina... http://tfl.nu/yr74
  Replies (48) Good night (1191) Bad night (5833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  what. the. fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now. (1-646): what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/rzew
  Replies (55) Good night (5466) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice. http://tfl.nu/dx9d
  Replies (16) Good night (4125) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I wish they made sweatshirts for legs

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  you mean pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I wish they made sweatshirts for legs (1-602): you mean pants? http://tfl.nu/ceop
  Replies (38) Good night (8485) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back http://tfl.nu/zgqj
  Replies (32) Good night (621) Bad night (3058) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to. http://tfl.nu/dqrr
  Replies (44) Good night (1747) Bad night (5457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish costco sold astroglide.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I wish costco sold astroglide. (248): i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about. http://tfl.nu/mkwg
  Replies (41) Good night (2860) Bad night (1084)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  you definitely have a few illegitimate kids

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): you definitely have a few illegitimate kids (1-407): probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine http://tfl.nu/6feu
  Replies (32) Good night (3447) Bad night (1506)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (188) Good night (56823) Bad night (4686)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/7pu8
  Replies (85) Good night (5450) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory http://tfl.nu/s661
  Replies (15) Good night (3940) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night http://tfl.nu/ayrv
  Replies (34) Good night (1094) Bad night (6080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88" http://tfl.nu/q0w3
  Replies (58) Good night (4677) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward? http://tfl.nu/lg8a
  Replies (50) Good night (541) Bad night (5774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

  (407): View more from Florida

  i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): hey can i ask you a kinda weird question? (407): i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery http://tfl.nu/88o8
  Replies (28) Good night (5310) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener. (1-609): Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts. http://tfl.nu/3zgr
  Replies (50) Good night (5517) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in" http://tfl.nu/15za
  Replies (64) Good night (5158) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.

  (425): View more from Washington

  for sure. did you let him do it?

  (206): View more from Washington

  thats not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship. (425): for sure. did you let him do it? (206): thats not the point. http://tfl.nu/qjrv
  Replies (80) Good night (2338) Bad night (3619)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet. http://tfl.nu/znz0
  Replies (11) Good night (714) Bad night (3581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol (1-204): you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on http://tfl.nu/g8v3
  Replies (10) Good night (919) Bad night (3710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This isn't the rejection hotline, is it? http://tfl.nu/jrbs
  Replies (17) Good night (616) Bad night (3441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I proposed and she said yes man.

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I proposed and she said yes man. (1-425): You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right? http://tfl.nu/wbvk
  Replies (25) Good night (5663) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth. http://tfl.nu/8x3w
  Replies (58) Good night (697) Bad night (2728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever. http://tfl.nu/rea8
  Replies (358) Good night (24213) Bad night (7309)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to => http://tfl.nu/cnq4
  Replies (52) Good night (672) Bad night (10087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray? http://tfl.nu/uvnt
  Replies (32) Good night (4591) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me. http://tfl.nu/79qg
  Replies (57) Good night (4497) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while (202): woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face http://tfl.nu/fujm
  Replies (11) Good night (795) Bad night (3284)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics http://tfl.nu/21qy
  Replies (29) Good night (2986) Bad night (3532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked

  (708): View more from Illinois

  so?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked (708): so? (630): then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas http://tfl.nu/17ue
  Replies (18) Good night (4406) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions. http://tfl.nu/p23c
  Replies (35) Good night (5611) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL! http://tfl.nu/gtw6
  Replies (92) Good night (1763) Bad night (4260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk. http://tfl.nu/brrf
  Replies (12) Good night (4086) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to http://tfl.nu/tvy7
  Replies (59) Good night (4775) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move." http://tfl.nu/deqa
  Replies (33) Good night (4382) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face. http://tfl.nu/yqg0
  Replies (11) Good night (556) Bad night (2349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits. http://tfl.nu/amvg
  Replies (42) Good night (4973) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): 1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office http://tfl.nu/b4dd
  Replies (18) Good night (4797) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! http://tfl.nu/deur
  Replies (141) Good night (19631) Bad night (2220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom. http://tfl.nu/0i9y
  Replies (12) Good night (4557) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service. http://tfl.nu/eqpl
  Replies (117) Good night (4329) Bad night (1378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother. http://tfl.nu/jmn9
  Replies (10) Good night (3195) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson. http://tfl.nu/pxr8
  Replies (286) Good night (4132) Bad night (4141)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet http://tfl.nu/fxai
  Replies (82) Good night (1241) Bad night (18692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table? http://tfl.nu/oj90
  Replies (37) Good night (4654) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers" http://tfl.nu/rpqk
  Replies (11) Good night (610) Bad night (2260)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight. http://tfl.nu/6osy
  Replies (37) Good night (5559) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS http://tfl.nu/k9df
  Replies (97) Good night (1535) Bad night (7462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after http://tfl.nu/akdp
  Replies (50) Good night (4533) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1628) Good night (168224) Bad night (42146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm glad girls dont get visible erections

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  But, it would have made life so much easier...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I'm glad girls dont get visible erections (617 ): But, it would have made life so much easier... http://tfl.nu/zuky
  Replies (27) Good night (3345) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God? http://tfl.nu/oozc
  Replies (91) Good night (4938) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little. http://tfl.nu/w7gx
  Replies (31) Good night (844) Bad night (2883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open." http://tfl.nu/m5a9
  Replies (26) Good night (5069) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice http://tfl.nu/q2o9
  Replies (20) Good night (591) Bad night (3657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"? http://tfl.nu/jsyi
  Replies (12) Good night (2350) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (235) Good night (64825) Bad night (2520)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  fucking a dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i mean: fucking a, dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  wow, that comma made all the difference there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f
  Replies (93) Good night (11073) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  obviously you're part succubus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf? (201): obviously you're part succubus. http://tfl.nu/sqeb
  Replies (8) Good night (2296) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?! http://tfl.nu/ajcv
  Replies (16) Good night (1086) Bad night (4623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her? http://tfl.nu/02kh
  Replies (9) Good night (2539) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it" http://tfl.nu/ynj0
  Replies (13) Good night (3055) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it. http://tfl.nu/wqus
  Replies (20) Good night (4286) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster http://tfl.nu/ubg8
  Replies (86) Good night (890) Bad night (3614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species. http://tfl.nu/4i2r
  Replies (59) Good night (1188) Bad night (2715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand. http://tfl.nu/h0pi
  Replies (27) Good night (778) Bad night (5786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here. http://tfl.nu/5v02
  Replies (19) Good night (671) Bad night (4720)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch. http://tfl.nu/64iu
  Replies (28) Good night (4839) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication. http://tfl.nu/hfzx
  Replies (38) Good night (618) Bad night (2349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you. http://tfl.nu/gr31
  Replies (14) Good night (794) Bad night (3603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life. http://tfl.nu/6kb7
  Replies (8) Good night (4055) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers (1-205): yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness.... http://tfl.nu/wnn7
  Replies (62) Good night (10427) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl
  Replies (118) Good night (37782) Bad night (1291)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Fuck I'm high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles. (908): Fuck I'm high. http://tfl.nu/titc
  Replies (56) Good night (1609) Bad night (3300)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again http://tfl.nu/k557
  Replies (41) Good night (474) Bad night (5642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  put a dollar in it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do (1-319): put a dollar in it? http://tfl.nu/6gdy
  Replies (14) Good night (1077) Bad night (4418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless http://tfl.nu/8o2w
  Replies (21) Good night (3432) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  38 yer olds are good kisserssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): 38 yer olds are good kisserssss http://tfl.nu/i4pg
  Replies (55) Good night (1477) Bad night (2552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek http://tfl.nu/bytn
  Replies (5) Good night (764) Bad night (3429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher. http://tfl.nu/huem
  Replies (8) Good night (1131) Bad night (2637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you??? http://tfl.nu/p9qq
  Replies (174) Good night (2696) Bad night (32205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Update, blind date is cute and fun.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Scratch that, blind date just threw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Update, blind date is cute and fun. (248): Scratch that, blind date just threw up. http://tfl.nu/ooba
  Replies (10) Good night (525) Bad night (3856)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  Where are you?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  A place I should not be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors. (1-623): Where are you? (623): A place I should not be. http://tfl.nu/jfq9
  Replies (19) Good night (3744) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates. http://tfl.nu/bvcb
  Replies (17) Good night (3601) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Fuck U Mike is a golden god.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Mike give steph back her phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Fuck U Mike is a golden god. (504): Mike give steph back her phone. http://tfl.nu/vnnr
  Replies (9) Good night (3170) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery http://tfl.nu/m6f7
  Replies (12) Good night (2145) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours http://tfl.nu/tvxl
  Replies (3) Good night (479) Bad night (2579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em. http://tfl.nu/08u2
  Replies (74) Good night (3712) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left http://tfl.nu/1ikl
  Replies (7) Good night (514) Bad night (3565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success. http://tfl.nu/9rt5
  Replies (11) Good night (6595) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus. http://tfl.nu/t4dv
  Replies (20) Good night (7989) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything. http://tfl.nu/pmpx
  Replies (76) Good night (27519) Bad night (1597)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

  (1-763): View more from Minnesota

  Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time (1-763): Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother. http://tfl.nu/6l4l
  Replies (29) Good night (1063) Bad night (2627)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woah.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  that's not how you spell hell yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you? (1-918): Woah. (918): that's not how you spell hell yes. http://tfl.nu/i519
  Replies (56) Good night (7291) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"! http://tfl.nu/ehkr
  Replies (17) Good night (1276) Bad night (2282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge. http://tfl.nu/kztm
  Replies (35) Good night (723) Bad night (4229)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  how do you spell 'special'? like slow?

  (210): View more from Texas

  S P E L L C H E C K

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  No you dumbass thats not right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): how do you spell 'special'? like slow? (210): S P E L L C H E C K (808): No you dumbass thats not right http://tfl.nu/z6b5
  Replies (14) Good night (3144) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe. http://tfl.nu/iy4x
  Replies (17) Good night (1703) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.

  (425): View more from Washington

  some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends. (425): some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate. http://tfl.nu/ohwc
  Replies (19) Good night (797) Bad night (3526)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You might as well just give her the money now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it. (610): You might as well just give her the money now. http://tfl.nu/i76w
  Replies (72) Good night (3843) Bad night (1350)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom. http://tfl.nu/gkr4
  Replies (13) Good night (784) Bad night (3644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore. http://tfl.nu/f91d
  Replies (55) Good night (7128) Bad night (1104)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup. http://tfl.nu/ddou
  Replies (10) Good night (3074) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class http://tfl.nu/9lx5
  Replies (67) Good night (880) Bad night (4829)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas. (407): i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful. http://tfl.nu/1iey
  Replies (32) Good night (10410) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!" http://tfl.nu/2zn1
  Replies (49) Good night (4443) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter http://tfl.nu/0xc6
  Replies (15) Good night (3493) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  that girl last night was a 15

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  wait she was 15?

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  no like black jack not sure if you should hit it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): that girl last night was a 15 (1-413): wait she was 15? (413): no like black jack not sure if you should hit it http://tfl.nu/qny1
  Replies (52) Good night (4082) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Who won?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  All of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away. (504): Who won? (225): All of them. http://tfl.nu/xlra
  Replies (81) Good night (9337) Bad night (1573)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  wtf?

  (904): View more from Florida

  It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum' (1-904): wtf? (904): It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend' http://tfl.nu/kgyk
  Replies (14) Good night (4267) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Yah man, that place is surreal

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Yah man, that place is surreal (731): Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal? http://tfl.nu/sga3
  Replies (70) Good night (3675) Bad night (1219)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce (1-402): IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE. http://tfl.nu/loe7
  Replies (105) Good night (12890) Bad night (1392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100282) Bad night (5707)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (21332) Bad night (2979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure." http://tfl.nu/vpnd
  Replies (42) Good night (5885) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants. http://tfl.nu/1aet
  Replies (6) Good night (1208) Bad night (2216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money http://tfl.nu/z7es
  Replies (16) Good night (2144) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed http://tfl.nu/7wu4
  Replies (30) Good night (578) Bad night (3798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh

  (1-619): View more from California

  maybe you did when you were drunk

  (619): View more from California

  no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh (1-619): maybe you did when you were drunk (619): no way, i wasn't THAT drunk. http://tfl.nu/a663
  Replies (17) Good night (675) Bad night (2197)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (179) Good night (85872) Bad night (3070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions. http://tfl.nu/kw3s
  Replies (15) Good night (7643) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65371) Bad night (3434)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by http://tfl.nu/oseu
  Replies (4) Good night (2779) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (710): View more from

  So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (710): So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : ) http://tfl.nu/fktm
  Replies (17) Good night (2786) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (383) Good night (128364) Bad night (4039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire! http://tfl.nu/yxp7
  Replies (12) Good night (4558) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Where are you?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Strip Club

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends. (617): Where are you? (508): Strip Club http://tfl.nu/9e3o
  Replies (15) Good night (2917) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Knowing your life, probably not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right? (303): Knowing your life, probably not. http://tfl.nu/p5sh
  Replies (4) Good night (727) Bad night (3008)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell http://tfl.nu/7uki
  Replies (9) Good night (1236) Bad night (2017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She started it, but I totally finished it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds (404): She started it, but I totally finished it. http://tfl.nu/luqt
  Replies (6) Good night (3418) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony. http://tfl.nu/uxe7
  Replies (8) Good night (2906) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (131) Good night (8265) Bad night (23691)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OMG! Ew.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Lucky Dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one! (301): OMG! Ew. (240): Lucky Dad. http://tfl.nu/dv3r
  Replies (29) Good night (599) Bad night (2675)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera http://tfl.nu/scvo
  Replies (10) Good night (2887) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex http://tfl.nu/eh60
  Replies (16) Good night (5489) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash. http://tfl.nu/pn5n
  Replies (31) Good night (5639) Bad night (1371) Order T-Shirt