I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Michael Bay diarrhea
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if only i could text you this smell
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
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