Texts From Last Night

x2006nlp's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (28202) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??

  (408): View more from California

  your beer goggles are on backwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive?? (408): your beer goggles are on backwards. http://tfl.nu/ojnh
  Replies (4) Good night (3512) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.

  (253): View more from Washington

  you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone. (253): you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker. http://tfl.nu/ov6f
  Replies (3) Good night (2146) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me. http://tfl.nu/bsc2
  Replies (13) Good night (1824) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up. http://tfl.nu/5qka
  Replies (13) Good night (1674) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead http://tfl.nu/lnf3
  Replies (8) Good night (2193) Bad night (277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes http://tfl.nu/4b4j
  Replies (16) Good night (7495) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars, http://tfl.nu/j4u2
  Replies (14) Good night (4758) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment. http://tfl.nu/5sgm
  Replies (2) Good night (1252) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment. http://tfl.nu/vmb7
  Replies (2) Good night (1132) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates. http://tfl.nu/urqj
  Replies (3) Good night (2026) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you still have morals?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike (303): you still have morals? (443): Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole http://tfl.nu/6ecs
  Replies (45) Good night (9116) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat http://tfl.nu/dsa2
  Replies (7) Good night (1335) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry. http://tfl.nu/8kmb
  Replies (3) Good night (302) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard. http://tfl.nu/5chf
  Replies (36) Good night (5713) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals http://tfl.nu/cfxk
  Replies (12) Good night (951) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing". http://tfl.nu/0ckl
  Replies (17) Good night (5977) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (682): View more from Texas

  I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (682): I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face http://tfl.nu/zwwu
  Replies (16) Good night (4843) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside http://tfl.nu/s7y4
  Replies (12) Good night (2380) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much

  (352): View more from Florida

  Like they're going to fly away?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much (352): Like they're going to fly away? http://tfl.nu/z6w4
  Replies (10) Good night (4297) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable? http://tfl.nu/73t2
  Replies (4) Good night (2348) Bad night (326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal http://tfl.nu/sgdn
  Replies (4) Good night (1757) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal http://tfl.nu/dg00
  Replies (10) Good night (3136) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice" http://tfl.nu/9e22
  Replies (10) Good night (2399) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING http://tfl.nu/kogd
  Replies (7) Good night (2803) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once. http://tfl.nu/y3bm
  Replies (11) Good night (3173) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Why are you speaking in third person?

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Why are you speaking in third person? (1-902): Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore. http://tfl.nu/1fh5
  Replies (5) Good night (2958) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas http://tfl.nu/w87e
  Replies (10) Good night (1287) Bad night (2766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone? http://tfl.nu/7opu
  Replies (4) Good night (2024) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese http://tfl.nu/i0pz
  Replies (4) Good night (731) Bad night (1692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God http://tfl.nu/m4vw
  Replies (3) Good night (1938) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking." http://tfl.nu/oftj
  Replies (17) Good night (7400) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day. http://tfl.nu/m69g
  Replies (10) Good night (2872) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco... http://tfl.nu/ll6l
  Replies (37) Good night (3430) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning" http://tfl.nu/wpur
  Replies (8) Good night (740) Bad night (2314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out http://tfl.nu/x67i
  Replies (2) Good night (1644) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." http://tfl.nu/z2kp
  Replies (64) Good night (7550) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained. http://tfl.nu/iy0m
  Replies (11) Good night (1536) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute http://tfl.nu/00es
  Replies (33) Good night (23531) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand. http://tfl.nu/5zt4
  Replies (2) Good night (722) Bad night (1586)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar http://tfl.nu/rbaw
  Replies (9) Good night (2329) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park. http://tfl.nu/g3vi
  Replies (11) Good night (1381) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  370HSSV 0773H read that upside down

  (1-925): View more from California

  what are you doing with your life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 370HSSV 0773H read that upside down (1-925): what are you doing with your life http://tfl.nu/25tc
  Replies (18) Good night (4484) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover. http://tfl.nu/pxbl
  Replies (8) Good night (3497) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed. http://tfl.nu/yrbs
  Replies (7) Good night (653) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning. http://tfl.nu/i0lg
  Replies (6) Good night (2607) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender... http://tfl.nu/gykh
  Replies (25) Good night (2121) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people. http://tfl.nu/uumz
  Replies (23) Good night (5394) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders. http://tfl.nu/u1xt
  Replies (19) Good night (2677) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope... http://tfl.nu/89fe
  Replies (10) Good night (2619) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones... http://tfl.nu/dtoz
  Replies (4) Good night (2332) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here http://tfl.nu/edol
  Replies (6) Good night (1600) Bad night (1431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one. http://tfl.nu/yysi
  Replies (4) Good night (3801) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub. http://tfl.nu/e0e1
  Replies (4) Good night (2730) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool http://tfl.nu/sz50
  Replies (5) Good night (457) Bad night (1628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now. http://tfl.nu/buy8
  Replies (4) Good night (546) Bad night (1874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night. http://tfl.nu/uygn
  Replies (6) Good night (3211) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys. http://tfl.nu/b5qg
  Replies (9) Good night (4386) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex. http://tfl.nu/opu2
  Replies (11) Good night (3514) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid. http://tfl.nu/hcvk
  Replies (47) Good night (4826) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it. http://tfl.nu/goy6
  Replies (13) Good night (3836) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed. http://tfl.nu/zk8r
  Replies (29) Good night (5391) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad. http://tfl.nu/s89m
  Replies (7) Good night (3380) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed. http://tfl.nu/z9qp
  Replies (7) Good night (2388) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on http://tfl.nu/6fw7
  Replies (4) Good night (2305) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids http://tfl.nu/et14
  Replies (18) Good night (1253) Bad night (3662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone. http://tfl.nu/46r1
  Replies (5) Good night (2422) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/yadf
  Replies (16) Good night (6904) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME http://tfl.nu/slem
  Replies (5) Good night (3810) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family. http://tfl.nu/mjvo
  Replies (19) Good night (5991) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer. http://tfl.nu/9xay
  Replies (11) Good night (3162) Bad night (1795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm http://tfl.nu/1h6h
  Replies (2) Good night (2614) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic http://tfl.nu/aiqs
  Replies (4) Good night (2136) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team. http://tfl.nu/1zge
  Replies (7) Good night (2401) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning. http://tfl.nu/0ep2
  Replies (27) Good night (492) Bad night (5962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60. http://tfl.nu/7fqw
  Replies (20) Good night (5753) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/exim
  Replies (6) Good night (2347) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (13) Good night (10706) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge. http://tfl.nu/26oy
  Replies (14) Good night (4482) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up. http://tfl.nu/l5tu
  Replies (10) Good night (5165) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?

  (281): View more from Texas

  Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring? (281): Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later" http://tfl.nu/iga6
  Replies (24) Good night (1127) Bad night (4055)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud? (262): Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing http://tfl.nu/ndin
  Replies (20) Good night (5781) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): 4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move http://tfl.nu/7ba1
  Replies (6) Good night (3598) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again... http://tfl.nu/jy0r
  Replies (17) Good night (4556) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (33654) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (36355) Bad night (2650)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36403) Bad night (1392)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41855) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (46887) Bad night (1719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48993) Bad night (1510)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (60) Good night (53395) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one. http://tfl.nu/8bgn
  Replies (3) Good night (2727) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke? http://tfl.nu/8orw
  Replies (19) Good night (3580) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost. http://tfl.nu/27qj
  Replies (8) Good night (3055) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer. http://tfl.nu/fm8w
  Replies (64) Good night (8674) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation. http://tfl.nu/d9l2
  Replies (4) Good night (595) Bad night (1706)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar. http://tfl.nu/d2sa
  Replies (5) Good night (2722) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town. http://tfl.nu/omo7
  Replies (14) Good night (5805) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case" http://tfl.nu/zxvf
  Replies (15) Good night (4041) Bad night (3590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!'' http://tfl.nu/g7vx
  Replies (22) Good night (6626) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves. http://tfl.nu/s1g0
  Replies (6) Good night (2986) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back http://tfl.nu/e5xr
  Replies (10) Good night (4472) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again. http://tfl.nu/hwy2
  Replies (9) Good night (734) Bad night (1594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out http://tfl.nu/guh4
  Replies (31) Good night (10354) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday http://tfl.nu/t4vj
  Replies (10) Good night (2691) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69
  Replies (16) Good night (8159) Bad night (745)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case. http://tfl.nu/jpiw
  Replies (13) Good night (3864) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some. http://tfl.nu/08yo
  Replies (14) Good night (6570) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies http://tfl.nu/qgfc
  Replies (61) Good night (18549) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT http://tfl.nu/f0p2
  Replies (20) Good night (4881) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!" http://tfl.nu/xp9i
  Replies (18) Good night (5392) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill. http://tfl.nu/mtxw
  Replies (6) Good night (3064) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus? http://tfl.nu/o777
  Replies (12) Good night (5898) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed http://tfl.nu/l1mh
  Replies (17) Good night (831) Bad night (3245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand. http://tfl.nu/9289
  Replies (7) Good night (4018) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out? http://tfl.nu/fgrz
  Replies (59) Good night (9182) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy http://tfl.nu/u5b8
  Replies (51) Good night (7835) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in http://tfl.nu/jhp8
  Replies (6) Good night (2809) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside http://tfl.nu/1bna
  Replies (85) Good night (6759) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  What did you cook with whisky?

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky. (1-306): What did you cook with whisky? (306): We started a fire. http://tfl.nu/4y3v
  Replies (11) Good night (5522) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever http://tfl.nu/gvxq
  Replies (21) Good night (9982) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!" http://tfl.nu/94sw
  Replies (84) Good night (12509) Bad night (1296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69191) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic http://tfl.nu/acyn
  Replies (6) Good night (4535) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge? http://tfl.nu/3h8y
  Replies (67) Good night (1943) Bad night (5831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/ms4s
  Replies (6) Good night (2472) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that. http://tfl.nu/8ygm
  Replies (3) Good night (2095) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (29) Good night (16811) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.

  (607): View more from New York

  Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone. (607): Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend. http://tfl.nu/z2i9
  Replies (7) Good night (5480) Bad night (643)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment. http://tfl.nu/ozel
  Replies (7) Good night (1000) Bad night (1908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone http://tfl.nu/zfoz
  Replies (8) Good night (7654) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?" http://tfl.nu/jpwl
  Replies (7) Good night (1943) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again http://tfl.nu/1mb1
  Replies (13) Good night (5701) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with. http://tfl.nu/hnbu
  Replies (4) Good night (832) Bad night (2273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help. http://tfl.nu/hde2
  Replies (17) Good night (3040) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged http://tfl.nu/78pb
  Replies (16) Good night (4276) Bad night (2361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  sounds like you fell off the wagon.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): sounds like you fell off the wagon. (1-617): fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon. http://tfl.nu/7sjj
  Replies (5) Good night (4064) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her http://tfl.nu/saue
  Replies (21) Good night (4622) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/rh0l
  Replies (5) Good night (2122) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong. http://tfl.nu/nz0q
  Replies (16) Good night (3064) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga. http://tfl.nu/aid2
  Replies (6) Good night (2381) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library. http://tfl.nu/m2ex
  Replies (10) Good night (3642) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar. http://tfl.nu/zoyd
  Replies (1) Good night (3245) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (438): I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning. http://tfl.nu/ev9g
  Replies (14) Good night (2826) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe. http://tfl.nu/k42a
  Replies (5) Good night (2372) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section. http://tfl.nu/g47a
  Replies (44) Good night (1741) Bad night (5768)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes. http://tfl.nu/5rb1
  Replies (50) Good night (6514) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially. http://tfl.nu/gw0l
  Replies (24) Good night (8710) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?

  (510): View more from California

  I hope so

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die? (510): I hope so http://tfl.nu/tt2l
  Replies (41) Good night (1789) Bad night (4847)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve. http://tfl.nu/17gc
  Replies (12) Good night (7680) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again" http://tfl.nu/7as1
  Replies (4) Good night (3643) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls. http://tfl.nu/z40q
  Replies (16) Good night (4005) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit. http://tfl.nu/q5dj
  Replies (15) Good night (700) Bad night (2395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer. http://tfl.nu/kn8l
  Replies (8) Good night (3030) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans http://tfl.nu/5hx4
  Replies (6) Good night (2843) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it. http://tfl.nu/e8nk
  Replies (2) Good night (1879) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (819): I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me. http://tfl.nu/9k8k
  Replies (4) Good night (949) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money. http://tfl.nu/ged1
  Replies (5) Good night (3798) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them http://tfl.nu/0wmz
  Replies (4) Good night (1992) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood. http://tfl.nu/ro5l
  Replies (9) Good night (4804) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks. http://tfl.nu/i5e8
  Replies (23) Good night (763) Bad night (5311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?

  (513): View more from Ohio

  um, yeah. i think it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"? (513): um, yeah. i think it is. http://tfl.nu/omaw
  Replies (12) Good night (2239) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing. http://tfl.nu/w8ww
  Replies (7) Good night (5051) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer" http://tfl.nu/u5kx
  Replies (9) Good night (6975) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

  (1-716): View more from New York

  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today ! (1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...' http://tfl.nu/v4tn
  Replies (47) Good night (8981) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (8672) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about http://tfl.nu/1vap
  Replies (27) Good night (1160) Bad night (6436)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it. http://tfl.nu/3ndz
  Replies (8) Good night (835) Bad night (3425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes. http://tfl.nu/4wgk
  Replies (45) Good night (27372) Bad night (1659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park. http://tfl.nu/bxwf
  Replies (13) Good night (2525) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (50) Good night (12900) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind. http://tfl.nu/3qxe
  Replies (6) Good night (1129) Bad night (2235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped. http://tfl.nu/31qz
  Replies (32) Good night (3782) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (11616) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager. http://tfl.nu/h00w
  Replies (8) Good night (4382) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked. http://tfl.nu/cvgr
  Replies (5) Good night (3878) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time http://tfl.nu/1urp
  Replies (40) Good night (6376) Bad night (1364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/aenv
  Replies (34) Good night (3485) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

  (1-510): View more from California

  It was probably Jesus.

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like he would have left a message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number. (1-510): It was probably Jesus. (510): I feel like he would have left a message. http://tfl.nu/w24x
  Replies (36) Good night (4004) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We using my standards or yours?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad? (443): We using my standards or yours? http://tfl.nu/agac
  Replies (7) Good night (2758) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/i41h
  Replies (28) Good night (3395) Bad night (5213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I could make wine with my vomit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I could make wine with my vomit http://tfl.nu/9wng
  Replies (4) Good night (546) Bad night (2523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip http://tfl.nu/6k4u
  Replies (11) Good night (1351) Bad night (4436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college. http://tfl.nu/j0w5
  Replies (58) Good night (6045) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  she is a standing ovation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face. (507): she is a standing ovation. http://tfl.nu/6atu
  Replies (14) Good night (437) Bad night (2831)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had http://tfl.nu/lpp3
  Replies (9) Good night (3191) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking. http://tfl.nu/53g7
  Replies (9) Good night (3095) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe. http://tfl.nu/faaw
  Replies (10) Good night (2232) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (45) Good night (19374) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/h3cm
  Replies (21) Good night (5333) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies. http://tfl.nu/khmt
  Replies (9) Good night (5468) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear. http://tfl.nu/nwnx
  Replies (19) Good night (3387) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart" http://tfl.nu/96tn
  Replies (5) Good night (2644) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience. http://tfl.nu/k7n6
  Replies (12) Good night (4127) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me. http://tfl.nu/4mjy
  Replies (14) Good night (2802) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless http://tfl.nu/3wa2
  Replies (11) Good night (4076) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean. http://tfl.nu/fik0
  Replies (44) Good night (9681) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going. http://tfl.nu/q9ws
  Replies (16) Good night (1112) Bad night (6406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (10677) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period. http://tfl.nu/yw8j
  Replies (18) Good night (390) Bad night (4462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs. http://tfl.nu/vmqk
  Replies (34) Good night (3058) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My liver just broke up with me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): My liver just broke up with me... http://tfl.nu/2vsq
  Replies (2) Good night (751) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college. http://tfl.nu/9le9
  Replies (13) Good night (6451) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell. http://tfl.nu/6mr7
  Replies (53) Good night (7614) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod. http://tfl.nu/j49l
  Replies (7) Good night (2721) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club? http://tfl.nu/yeac
  Replies (10) Good night (3098) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk69
  Replies (28) Good night (6356) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain? http://tfl.nu/0jn9
  Replies (9) Good night (4016) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day http://tfl.nu/t2zq
  Replies (9) Good night (3137) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz. http://tfl.nu/48gp
  Replies (22) Good night (2516) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment http://tfl.nu/9rz9
  Replies (9) Good night (4504) Bad night (1442)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it. http://tfl.nu/w24u
  Replies (18) Good night (1233) Bad night (6276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone http://tfl.nu/69r6
  Replies (20) Good night (7588) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro. http://tfl.nu/5jtw
  Replies (7) Good night (3251) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down. http://tfl.nu/4061
  Replies (5) Good night (2513) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless. http://tfl.nu/abxi
  Replies (11) Good night (4313) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall. http://tfl.nu/z0q7
  Replies (9) Good night (3996) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups. http://tfl.nu/3y6t
  Replies (16) Good night (3546) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday http://tfl.nu/7nrp
  Replies (4) Good night (2716) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again. http://tfl.nu/z8ef
  Replies (11) Good night (4083) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  He's the fucking cop whisperer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt
  Replies (25) Good night (10386) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings. http://tfl.nu/8q1l
  Replies (9) Good night (3965) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes' http://tfl.nu/oxkp
  Replies (9) Good night (7186) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list. http://tfl.nu/ifsp
  Replies (20) Good night (7406) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit. http://tfl.nu/vjaf
  Replies (36) Good night (4631) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that. http://tfl.nu/zu4z
  Replies (9) Good night (839) Bad night (2111)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano. http://tfl.nu/kwsa
  Replies (6) Good night (2136) Bad night (3040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar. http://tfl.nu/cp66
  Replies (10) Good night (5815) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining http://tfl.nu/lz11
  Replies (24) Good night (5109) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost http://tfl.nu/e5ly
  Replies (4) Good night (2797) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order http://tfl.nu/7p7j
  Replies (14) Good night (4910) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (49) Good night (14395) Bad night (3326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+32): View more from Belgium

  Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+32): Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello. http://tfl.nu/agdc
  Replies (55) Good night (6663) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab. http://tfl.nu/cf76
  Replies (29) Good night (7459) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying. http://tfl.nu/gcnz
  Replies (12) Good night (726) Bad night (5050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
  Replies (9) Good night (6859) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure. http://tfl.nu/jrrk
  Replies (21) Good night (529) Bad night (4838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that" http://tfl.nu/9edj
  Replies (15) Good night (5751) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.

  (972): View more from Texas

  I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had. (972): I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/y4qf
  Replies (13) Good night (1976) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers http://tfl.nu/g3p7
  Replies (25) Good night (6415) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution? http://tfl.nu/2bly
  Replies (15) Good night (4467) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant http://tfl.nu/amxy
  Replies (29) Good night (961) Bad night (5636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  tod's in jail

  (863): View more from Florida

  he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): tod's in jail (863): he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am. http://tfl.nu/355g
  Replies (11) Good night (2233) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today. http://tfl.nu/c736
  Replies (5) Good night (759) Bad night (2992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything http://tfl.nu/egks
  Replies (10) Good night (3312) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning. http://tfl.nu/odgl
  Replies (57) Good night (15409) Bad night (3105)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life http://tfl.nu/zerk
  Replies (23) Good night (646) Bad night (2816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there. http://tfl.nu/abjc
  Replies (18) Good night (5033) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9... http://tfl.nu/1jeo
  Replies (2) Good night (2992) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it http://tfl.nu/hc23
  Replies (8) Good night (1094) Bad night (2054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight". http://tfl.nu/suji
  Replies (5) Good night (3829) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night... http://tfl.nu/eun8
  Replies (6) Good night (2061) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  $5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): $5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am. http://tfl.nu/bt4r
  Replies (10) Good night (1556) Bad night (2512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success. http://tfl.nu/kq4s
  Replies (8) Good night (2859) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle? http://tfl.nu/1h10
  Replies (8) Good night (2460) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender. http://tfl.nu/ts7y
  Replies (8) Good night (938) Bad night (3711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you? http://tfl.nu/r91h
  Replies (2) Good night (810) Bad night (2356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice http://tfl.nu/ufj4
  Replies (7) Good night (2181) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard? http://tfl.nu/3z7i
  Replies (20) Good night (4111) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): ... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night. (314): I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it. http://tfl.nu/jfox
  Replies (7) Good night (3925) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Sucks about the cops last night

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Sucks about the cops last night (848): to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party.. http://tfl.nu/rv14
  Replies (7) Good night (4289) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level http://tfl.nu/uegr
  Replies (11) Good night (5007) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this! http://tfl.nu/r5na
  Replies (4) Good night (2233) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock http://tfl.nu/9mlf
  Replies (9) Good night (6094) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation. http://tfl.nu/zdno
  Replies (27) Good night (7564) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, its January.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We're going to do the voices too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots. (303): Dude, its January. (970): We're going to do the voices too. http://tfl.nu/k3gb
  Replies (11) Good night (4990) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk. http://tfl.nu/xqiq
  Replies (11) Good night (3036) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are. http://tfl.nu/937u
  Replies (9) Good night (4793) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis http://tfl.nu/fz5v
  Replies (6) Good night (5591) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done. http://tfl.nu/o8ax
  Replies (22) Good night (6947) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): 2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home http://tfl.nu/gyyq
  Replies (13) Good night (4976) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup. http://tfl.nu/26kw
  Replies (14) Good night (1019) Bad night (5203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/9a80
  Replies (14) Good night (918) Bad night (4571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq. http://tfl.nu/wl24
  Replies (16) Good night (4651) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9445) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo http://tfl.nu/0kme
  Replies (9) Good night (3118) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar http://tfl.nu/kodl
  Replies (29) Good night (6730) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  we convinced you the moon was a planet...again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): we convinced you the moon was a planet...again http://tfl.nu/tbv6
  Replies (23) Good night (6751) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages. http://tfl.nu/6cym
  Replies (16) Good night (2776) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships http://tfl.nu/cs10
  Replies (27) Good night (576) Bad night (3990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor http://tfl.nu/agbs
  Replies (4) Good night (2726) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (12490) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead http://tfl.nu/3qus
  Replies (45) Good night (602) Bad night (3250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God. http://tfl.nu/yxgi
  Replies (34) Good night (790) Bad night (2295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes. http://tfl.nu/xo7e
  Replies (32) Good night (3787) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy. http://tfl.nu/gb3d
  Replies (32) Good night (4261) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for. http://tfl.nu/ra5n
  Replies (10) Good night (3781) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you http://tfl.nu/5gma
  Replies (9) Good night (4487) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze http://tfl.nu/j7ix
  Replies (14) Good night (4957) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that. http://tfl.nu/d0ly
  Replies (15) Good night (3564) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again. http://tfl.nu/9v1i
  Replies (45) Good night (4657) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned. http://tfl.nu/94k0
  Replies (14) Good night (6315) Bad night (1803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): she really just asked how mermaids reproduce. http://tfl.nu/5doz
  Replies (41) Good night (3454) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said http://tfl.nu/bvpk
  Replies (41) Good night (6336) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered. http://tfl.nu/j70b
  Replies (10) Good night (7264) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile. http://tfl.nu/gnnf
  Replies (11) Good night (5836) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws" http://tfl.nu/3sed
  Replies (3) Good night (2960) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story... http://tfl.nu/gdb4
  Replies (50) Good night (1235) Bad night (4644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far. http://tfl.nu/f1u5
  Replies (20) Good night (3861) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver. http://tfl.nu/x8br
  Replies (9) Good night (3395) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace. http://tfl.nu/hmhd
  Replies (48) Good night (7276) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/9axz
  Replies (30) Good night (6752) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka http://tfl.nu/5kll
  Replies (21) Good night (774) Bad night (5190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care. http://tfl.nu/9gbe
  Replies (6) Good night (1946) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you http://tfl.nu/4yxe
  Replies (35) Good night (8788) Bad night (1449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening. http://tfl.nu/ib1o
  Replies (10) Good night (2840) Bad night (1459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools http://tfl.nu/2rog
  Replies (2) Good night (3016) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can. http://tfl.nu/8tit
  Replies (20) Good night (13842) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat. http://tfl.nu/5cls
  Replies (5) Good night (5243) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder. http://tfl.nu/fadr
  Replies (7) Good night (3124) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow. http://tfl.nu/8b4m
  Replies (13) Good night (8291) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them. http://tfl.nu/kwke
  Replies (12) Good night (4873) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college... http://tfl.nu/a15y
  Replies (23) Good night (11091) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us http://tfl.nu/w5tj
  Replies (2) Good night (2044) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok? http://tfl.nu/nera
  Replies (19) Good night (4159) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself. http://tfl.nu/ur25
  Replies (16) Good night (9601) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener http://tfl.nu/dutw
  Replies (6) Good night (2282) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR http://tfl.nu/fkjm
  Replies (21) Good night (4108) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable. http://tfl.nu/tziy
  Replies (6) Good night (2288) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off? http://tfl.nu/40hd
  Replies (9) Good night (3985) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already. http://tfl.nu/vv0a
  Replies (5) Good night (4652) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning. http://tfl.nu/aoha
  Replies (3) Good night (3595) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I will never swim in a flooded basement again..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I will never swim in a flooded basement again.. http://tfl.nu/1bcg
  Replies (7) Good night (1320) Bad night (2659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night. http://tfl.nu/ytoh
  Replies (8) Good night (3647) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go http://tfl.nu/n616
  Replies (7) Good night (3603) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail. http://tfl.nu/tpxz
  Replies (24) Good night (9606) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it http://tfl.nu/n58g
  Replies (16) Good night (3247) Bad night (1313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan. http://tfl.nu/dige
  Replies (5) Good night (3416) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college. http://tfl.nu/cy12
  Replies (4) Good night (3213) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it? http://tfl.nu/bvee
  Replies (26) Good night (5507) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing http://tfl.nu/1y41
  Replies (5) Good night (6069) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side http://tfl.nu/wowf
  Replies (27) Good night (5226) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/9omq
  Replies (12) Good night (6397) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded http://tfl.nu/nfzj
  Replies (59) Good night (963) Bad night (6670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer. http://tfl.nu/r45y
  Replies (10) Good night (5952) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair. http://tfl.nu/vnaz
  Replies (3) Good night (2277) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico http://tfl.nu/934w
  Replies (18) Good night (6967) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married http://tfl.nu/xv8o
  Replies (68) Good night (12733) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies http://tfl.nu/u66b
  Replies (25) Good night (7719) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on http://tfl.nu/a8g3
  Replies (9) Good night (3022) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (285) Good night (60328) Bad night (3668)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever. http://tfl.nu/r25i
  Replies (23) Good night (706) Bad night (6573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus http://tfl.nu/qcmy
  Replies (23) Good night (2693) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen. http://tfl.nu/atwf
  Replies (10) Good night (2798) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage http://tfl.nu/ot1n
  Replies (4) Good night (3921) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call" http://tfl.nu/v8oa
  Replies (28) Good night (4573) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard. http://tfl.nu/cjsq
  Replies (9) Good night (2561) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going? http://tfl.nu/kahl
  Replies (12) Good night (2242) Bad night (4140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl http://tfl.nu/bt6t
  Replies (1) Good night (1092) Bad night (1995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk. http://tfl.nu/u5eo
  Replies (4) Good night (956) Bad night (3084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself http://tfl.nu/s870
  Replies (6) Good night (3259) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears http://tfl.nu/h30c
  Replies (21) Good night (6933) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka http://tfl.nu/i4zm
  Replies (6) Good night (7564) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying. http://tfl.nu/un4v
  Replies (24) Good night (992) Bad night (9250)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way http://tfl.nu/7r2y
  Replies (13) Good night (4121) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas. http://tfl.nu/fgpp
  Replies (10) Good night (5069) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (13) Good night (8945) Bad night (1935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/1ntp
  Replies (10) Good night (5036) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program. http://tfl.nu/1rj5
  Replies (14) Good night (4738) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated http://tfl.nu/83mz
  Replies (7) Good night (1882) Bad night (1526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen. http://tfl.nu/rv6x
  Replies (5) Good night (512) Bad night (3607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you http://tfl.nu/8prb
  Replies (7) Good night (948) Bad night (2520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes. http://tfl.nu/3g0d
  Replies (4) Good night (786) Bad night (2963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness. http://tfl.nu/5sus
  Replies (8) Good night (804) Bad night (2178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings. http://tfl.nu/tdjs
  Replies (13) Good night (3479) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice. http://tfl.nu/48r0
  Replies (4) Good night (3144) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up. http://tfl.nu/j6op
  Replies (8) Good night (2883) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated. http://tfl.nu/4d8a
  Replies (6) Good night (2260) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle. http://tfl.nu/b1qz
  Replies (5) Good night (840) Bad night (2089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog. http://tfl.nu/x3j9
  Replies (8) Good night (3183) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom? http://tfl.nu/dl3d
  Replies (10) Good night (3188) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did. http://tfl.nu/3qcv
  Replies (7) Good night (7447) Bad night (1751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment. http://tfl.nu/djy3
  Replies (3) Good night (854) Bad night (2296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap http://tfl.nu/o5dz
  Replies (9) Good night (4200) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983" http://tfl.nu/egdi
  Replies (31) Good night (667) Bad night (5300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces. http://tfl.nu/7l8v
  Replies (3) Good night (3084) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home. http://tfl.nu/7itp
  Replies (2) Good night (1944) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar http://tfl.nu/34wt
  Replies (6) Good night (4299) Bad night (1106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka http://tfl.nu/47bx
  Replies (4) Good night (4361) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet.... http://tfl.nu/cx4o
  Replies (5) Good night (4819) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet. http://tfl.nu/bxi6
  Replies (22) Good night (433) Bad night (1879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog. http://tfl.nu/8mg1
  Replies (18) Good night (9396) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics http://tfl.nu/21qy
  Replies (29) Good night (2804) Bad night (3390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed. http://tfl.nu/9lg8
  Replies (23) Good night (1755) Bad night (6351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (10978) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8. http://tfl.nu/h2aq
  Replies (17) Good night (7949) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it http://tfl.nu/reim
  Replies (29) Good night (6412) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions. http://tfl.nu/6xcw
  Replies (15) Good night (6222) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity.. http://tfl.nu/e3ua
  Replies (16) Good night (1952) Bad night (4543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you. http://tfl.nu/anwq
  Replies (7) Good night (668) Bad night (4184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/v98w
  Replies (3) Good night (1930) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells". http://tfl.nu/8dsx
  Replies (8) Good night (3979) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again. http://tfl.nu/nmj5
  Replies (12) Good night (975) Bad night (4502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one http://tfl.nu/284v
  Replies (25) Good night (7717) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  our cab driver is having phone sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): our cab driver is having phone sex. http://tfl.nu/18ax
  Replies (18) Good night (5170) Bad night (2061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever. http://tfl.nu/lqf2
  Replies (73) Good night (956) Bad night (15114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45. http://tfl.nu/maq6
  Replies (40) Good night (6126) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian. http://tfl.nu/n8zg
  Replies (32) Good night (7167) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wanted to see November 5, 1985

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima (832): I wanted to see November 5, 1985 http://tfl.nu/o133
  Replies (19) Good night (3814) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building. http://tfl.nu/he38
  Replies (5) Good night (508) Bad night (1618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke." http://tfl.nu/rseq
  Replies (48) Good night (1035) Bad night (9313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing." http://tfl.nu/7ght
  Replies (16) Good night (5306) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/cn93
  Replies (3) Good night (590) Bad night (3876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman. http://tfl.nu/z7nz
  Replies (6) Good night (4028) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore. http://tfl.nu/p0bd
  Replies (32) Good night (1711) Bad night (6142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it. http://tfl.nu/l9mq
  Replies (9) Good night (3976) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week. http://tfl.nu/dxsu
  Replies (5) Good night (2761) Bad night (1249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/w5jl
  Replies (5) Good night (3942) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  I saved lives by not driving this morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy... (1-904): I saved lives by not driving this morning http://tfl.nu/no2s
  Replies (9) Good night (7586) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out? http://tfl.nu/d8g6
  Replies (6) Good night (1031) Bad night (3204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall... http://tfl.nu/myki
  Replies (18) Good night (9360) Bad night (1805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn. http://tfl.nu/zs8h
  Replies (2) Good night (4454) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy. http://tfl.nu/ugyo
  Replies (3) Good night (3022) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport http://tfl.nu/v33c
  Replies (21) Good night (9586) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied.. http://tfl.nu/zapu
  Replies (6) Good night (3556) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here? http://tfl.nu/c5kh
  Replies (6) Good night (1995) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor http://tfl.nu/12jc
  Replies (5) Good night (4173) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding? http://tfl.nu/9jac
  Replies (11) Good night (4413) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted. http://tfl.nu/wtc2
  Replies (4) Good night (2869) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites http://tfl.nu/fquq
  Replies (21) Good night (8420) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with. http://tfl.nu/tzze
  Replies (36) Good night (12931) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!

  (678): View more from Georgia

  correction: escorted out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?! (678): correction: escorted out http://tfl.nu/gkul
  Replies (23) Good night (4876) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (894): View more from

  just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (894): just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit http://tfl.nu/2422
  Replies (16) Good night (6837) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment. http://tfl.nu/mdg4
  Replies (9) Good night (7806) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots' http://tfl.nu/c9v2
  Replies (4) Good night (2706) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was. http://tfl.nu/ww86
  Replies (12) Good night (3228) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity. http://tfl.nu/tb29
  Replies (4) Good night (2940) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge. http://tfl.nu/j5wy
  Replies (8) Good night (4118) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76746) Bad night (3808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready. http://tfl.nu/9xou
  Replies (33) Good night (7295) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  meow

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): meow (1-402): WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD. http://tfl.nu/2v4y
  Replies (96) Good night (4651) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex? http://tfl.nu/05zs
  Replies (27) Good night (5796) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting. http://tfl.nu/a3qg
  Replies (16) Good night (2574) Bad night (1870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible. http://tfl.nu/a85b
  Replies (7) Good night (7074) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips http://tfl.nu/g3ng
  Replies (6) Good night (2810) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week http://tfl.nu/o67r
  Replies (2) Good night (3246) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down. http://tfl.nu/7y05
  Replies (26) Good night (1340) Bad night (5443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day. http://tfl.nu/pq24
  Replies (12) Good night (6980) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"? http://tfl.nu/n06e
  Replies (15) Good night (6325) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju
  Replies (24) Good night (11821) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best. http://tfl.nu/21y4
  Replies (14) Good night (2153) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life http://tfl.nu/jn6o
  Replies (18) Good night (6379) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level. http://tfl.nu/6nqz
  Replies (27) Good night (1152) Bad night (8507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru http://tfl.nu/iwra
  Replies (10) Good night (4257) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist. http://tfl.nu/vfvp
  Replies (33) Good night (5298) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning http://tfl.nu/sax1
  Replies (35) Good night (404) Bad night (4742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet http://tfl.nu/jo6v
  Replies (29) Good night (782) Bad night (3559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (31) Good night (16197) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!' http://tfl.nu/twcd
  Replies (28) Good night (7125) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity

  (1-209): View more from California

  nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity (1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all http://tfl.nu/t93h
  Replies (43) Good night (14960) Bad night (1423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear" http://tfl.nu/r2vo
  Replies (7) Good night (6556) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed http://tfl.nu/xgm0
  Replies (43) Good night (1662) Bad night (13474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE! http://tfl.nu/ymdz
  Replies (7) Good night (4319) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims? http://tfl.nu/jffq
  Replies (45) Good night (3751) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost http://tfl.nu/oth1
  Replies (4) Good night (3674) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  pedialite and red bull = repair kit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): pedialite and red bull = repair kit http://tfl.nu/fijn
  Replies (21) Good night (3073) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class http://tfl.nu/uh5h
  Replies (26) Good night (4350) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Are your eyes okay

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I mean if I was Asian they would be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes (1-260): Are your eyes okay (260): I mean if I was Asian they would be http://tfl.nu/l3r4
  Replies (8) Good night (1744) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out. http://tfl.nu/n9rj
  Replies (17) Good night (5730) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/ffng
  Replies (34) Good night (5718) Bad night (2761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail http://tfl.nu/dt1f
  Replies (5) Good night (3019) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/l7kg
  Replies (34) Good night (2740) Bad night (9391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home. http://tfl.nu/palx
  Replies (2) Good night (2741) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night http://tfl.nu/wjmk
  Replies (7) Good night (5015) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me. http://tfl.nu/76by
  Replies (17) Good night (3915) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He tried peeing out of the sunroof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He tried peeing out of the sunroof. http://tfl.nu/ep38
  Replies (5) Good night (1179) Bad night (2842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub. http://tfl.nu/cojk
  Replies (6) Good night (5773) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob http://tfl.nu/xjl4
  Replies (23) Good night (4401) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade. http://tfl.nu/xjtk
  Replies (6) Good night (4175) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined. http://tfl.nu/nnky
  Replies (4) Good night (2879) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it. http://tfl.nu/zgfe
  Replies (18) Good night (3894) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them. http://tfl.nu/edqp
  Replies (9) Good night (4493) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow. http://tfl.nu/o1qn
  Replies (11) Good night (4052) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card. http://tfl.nu/ujy9
  Replies (11) Good night (7697) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far. http://tfl.nu/t2l0
  Replies (24) Good night (4121) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes. http://tfl.nu/p4s9
  Replies (23) Good night (6322) Bad night (1767)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please? (443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag? http://tfl.nu/5o6h
  Replies (132) Good night (12125) Bad night (24666)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (83) Good night (2826) Bad night (37937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (78) Good night (29282) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (106) Good night (30061) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39429) Bad night (2264)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (108) Good night (44107) Bad night (2117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
  Replies (45) Good night (45521) Bad night (1784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96139) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107955) Bad night (8844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161239) Bad night (40086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen http://tfl.nu/5vux
  Replies (25) Good night (2080) Bad night (10548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning. http://tfl.nu/v1az
  Replies (9) Good night (3287) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt