dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Loading more great texts...